Materialistic husband

Rums · Jan 6, 2011

Hi ILs,
Does anyone have a husband who cares more about home,floors,car and everything else except you?. My DH cares more about everything except me. I feel frustrated sometimes.
He says"people can take care of themselves". But the same is not applicable for my MIL. She does whatever she wants but my DH won't question her. But if I do the same thing, everything breaks loose at home. If he does does something, it's sorry and I have to let it go. If I do something very small it's very big and he gets furious and won't let it go.

asuitablegirl · Jan 6, 2011

Rums,

You start the thread by talking about 'materialistic husband' and end it by talking about the issues you have with your mil. So.... what is the problem exactly, your dh or your mil? It might help if you're more specific and seperate your issues into two piles.... 1) dh and 2) mil.

As for husband caring a lot about the home... could it be he is trying to make a nice place for you both to live? In what ways do you think he's not caring?

Rums · Jan 6, 2011

DH-I was talking about my DH's views. He likes to take care of our home even when I am sick. I am not important even at that time. I do all the work keeping home clean and taking care of an infant. I take care of everything and love to do it. But when I am sick, I cannot do the same.

Mil- She gets royal treatment and can do anything at my home which I cannot do. For example, I cannot wear sandals in hardwood floor because it will stratch the floor. She wears it without even asking and my DH won't open his mouth. She drops food and doesn't even care about it. Again, he won't open his mouth. If I accidentally drop, then I am careless and shouting goes on like for hours.

asuitablegirl · Jan 7, 2011

Have you asked him why you are the only one in the house who has to follow such strict rules? Like why his mom can do xyz, but you get yelled at for doing the same? It would be interesting to hear his answer...

Priya16 · Jan 7, 2011

Rums,

I am with you and you count on me too.But somehow those things don't bother me much.

If you are sick just don't bother about anything.If he taking care of those just feel that it's good for you as you don't have to work later.

If you have wish to do something keep on doing it and dont' worry about his shouting.They would only shout on the people who listen them and they can't shout on the people who don't listen to them right.

He knews,his mother won't care a dime about him and he knews you would stop doing things.

So start slowly and do the things which you like.Since I a married for 8 years,things changed slowly.I hope things will change slowly at your end too.Don't stress yourself with infant and house work.Take it slowly and enjoy motherhood.If he is obessed with house work,let him do it and it's good for you in the long run.

Rums · Jan 7, 2011

I get the following responses:
1.No answer.
2. Ignores me completely and changes the subject.
3. Gets angry and acts as though I am bothering him.
4, Pretends he didn't hear it.
5. Finally when I get a response" I am not smart. You should know that by now". really???..

Rums · Jan 7, 2011

Thanks Priya. I will try ignoring...Sometimes it hurts...I feel better now...)..Thanks again for your encouragement.

Priya16 · Jan 7, 2011

Rums,

I am not sure you would do this or not.Initially I used to upset and don't tell him about my feeling.That has become advantage to him and taken for granted.
But start experssing your feelings on the spot whenever he shouts next time.
Don't just fallow his instructions.Focus on yourself instead on your husband.Do something which feels you good and happy.
Tell him his negative energy won't help anyway in the house.he can get whatever he wanted by being nice to you.He doesn't have to be a bad boy.Put some nice banner in the house .
For right don't worry about on MIL business.Just work on your relation.

Rums · Jan 7, 2011

Hi Priya,
Can I ask you one more thing?. My neighbor(married girl older than me) hugged my husband (arms around my husband's neck) at a party. It was very much inappropriate. I am not close to her. How should I react?. My husband says he was shocked and didn't know what to do. So he bent and gave her his neck. How should I react?.

Thanks

Priya16 · Jan 7, 2011

Rums,

Main thing is,he is not the one who done it right.She did it right.

My neighbor(married girl older than me) hugged my husband (arms around my husband's neck) at a party
Click to expand...

Since,she is your neighbor and you should know more about her.Is she is a very outgoing and behaves modern?
In that case,it's common for the modern girl to act that way.(I guess).

If that women had that kind of personality,you can't do much about it.
You need to your husband personality too.If he had interest to pursue further then they can easily become friends.

I am not sure,what's in that mind though.If it's a casual thing then you don't have to worry much.But if she has other intentions than casual,you need observe some more time.

For time being there is nothing to react.But over road observe her and see what direction she is moving though.