Married Man Wants To Have Sex Chat

That guy is clearly trying his luck despite being married yet I see so many messages blaming the OP. This women shaming will never end, no matter what it’s all the women’s fault. This is why when wives find out the husband is having an affair, they blame the other women only and not their dear husbands.

 

Hello Rihana,

I can emphathize with nolife, somewhat

I don't think she encouraged the said behavior. It is possible that

1. People cannot understand social cues
2. Some people, like the married man are cunning and know how to slither and slime their way into a person's circle.

I don't believe this is OP's fault

Similar thing happened to me. I thought person was being friendly, I didn't realize he wanted to cheat on his fiancée (they got married, he ignore her on honeymoon - no they are not Desi by the way).

As soon as we were at office party and asked me if I wanted to go elsewhere, I just stopped talking to this person

When I posted incident on IL (under another name), members were telling me that I encouraged the behavior.

I think it is just wrong to blame women if they are not at fault.

We must support @nolife and people like her and show we are rooting for her to succeed in life.

 

Dear OP, it is fine. Just state your intentions are professional and end it.

this has happened to a lot of times at work. now reduced due to covid remote. over the years i learnt , some men are like that. they have multiple styles. some try emotional route, some try helping a lot in work. then slowly suggest coffee or getting personal contact.

i have been very clear at those times about my relationship only professional . infact interestly some folks will stop helping too much after that conversation.

 

I support @nolife...I too faced the same issue..he is my childhood friend.. after a long time he got my number and started a casual chat and then I realized that his intention was not pure...as his wife also my childhood friend I warned him and blocked...

 

I 100 percent support @nolife as I have too experienced that there are married or separated men who try to get close and even when we tell their pativrata Indian wives, they know about it but do not stop their husband … it’s better to tell these men rudely to maintain distance as they dont get social cues…

 

I do not think anyone has blamed the OP @nolife here, and I do not agree with the victim blaming approach either.

As far as I understand, the posters here tried explaining to the OP on the possibilities of how some men try their luck with women, who allow them into their private phase knowingly or unknowingly.

The OP here questioned about married men wants to have sex outside of his marriage. This is not just applies for men, but also for women - married or unmarried, but given a chance anyone without moral would try their luck. Some get it, some get punished for it. That's all.

So, what is important here is to demarcate a clear boundary with personal relationships, in particular with colleagues.
Do not share personal stuff with a colleague who isn't your close friend. Chose wisely, and decide patiently about the people who would want to be in your personal life (be it friends, or relatives).

Especially, cut all the ties if possible or at least keep a good distance the moment you see a red flag. In this case, the OP has allowed the person to continue chatting and even going deep into sex chats after seeing a red flag (He is married). This is not advisable for women, especially those who live alone (single or divorcees). This can backfire in many unfortunate forms.

If I were in OP's shoes, I would have blocked the person the moment I saw a red flag, or kept silence & not engaged into further chatting. So that, he would also turn away from me without trying further.

The man in this case is wrong. Period.
But, he isn't the one posting this problem here. That's why all the advices are directed at the OP, with concerns and genuine consideration of her safety.

 

there were replies clearly saying ‘if you kept a distance…’ ‘seems likes you did not keep a distance…’ this is clearly victim blaming approach here.

You made a good point that OP started this thread and not the man. But she did not ask for advice. She asked why men behave this way. Yet most of the replies are about what she should do. Ironic isn’t it? Let’s be honest, we all have met with unwanted attention, do they all stop when we ask them to?

 

Since @SGBV mentioned some get punished for having unwanted relationships outside marriage, i wanted to share an experience my close friend had. Husband starts chatting with girls online, really young girls. Brings them home when wife is away. Had sex with the girl after asking how old she is as she looked young. Girl claims she’s older then she is. Has sex with her. Her parents find out through her chat history. Police arrested and charged him for underage sex (below 18). Went to prison. Devoted wife still stood by him. Released after 2 years, does the same ****. Men are never satisfied and sometimes even punishment does nothing for them.