married life is not happy now

Okay Maria...first things first: You are in no position to threaten your hubby that you will "leave to your parents' home". You simply don't have that higher ground...so don't use it! It will only complicate things further and, just as I expected, your hubby said "go if you want to".

I think you should apologize to your DH for not revealing your past earlier...tell him you thought it will be for the best but obviously it has come back to haunt you in the form of your crazy ex. Tell him you are completely devoted to him and that you understand why he is so upset. Make it clear that you will wait as long as it takes to earn back his trust.

The point is this: You have lost your husband's trust and respect. He may still love you and will be committed to your marriage, but that doesn't mean things will get back to normal overnight. Allow him the time and space to digest this terrible news and get over it. Be as normal as you can and try to not keep bringing this issue up...please don't emotionally blackmail him with lines like "if you don't talk to me I will leave"...they will backfire on you. You made some questionable choices before marriage and you have to face up to the consequences now. BE strong and hopeful that you will be able to win back your husband's trust and respect. Again, you MUST severe all connections with your ex...if you want to file a harassment complaint against him, you may have to share all the details of your past with the police...and things may get out of control where your parents or ILs may get wind of it. I suggest you let things cool down a bit and focus on improving your marriage.

 

dont ever talk 2 ur ex again .....! make sure. if at all he tries 2 talk 2u just dont!!! ur husband wil b all d motre annoyed. well, do all ur duties as a wife and everything dat ur husbannd used 2 like bout u. dont ask him again n again rite nw. he z disturbed. gv sumtime 2 him. he wil open up. make him realise dat past has already passed and it z only n only ur husband now in ur lyf thru ur actions. WORDS R NOT SUFFICIENT. show in actions coz ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. UR TRUE LOV WIL OPEN HIM UP. MAY B AFTER INITIAL HEATED ARGUEMENTS THINGS MAY SETTLE... ALL D BEST. GOD BLESS U.

 

Dear,

All of the IL'S has well said for ur issue, adding to that
1.Dont leave your DH @ this time especially becoz you cannot know whats going on his mind.
2.Dont ever talk to your ex for life time
3. Express ur love in the all ways.
4.Say that, u 'll wait for him in the same house until he heals from the hurt.
5.Dont try to explain the past, if so be assertive.
6.Ask apology and says thanks to him , that he has saved his life , will be loyal till death, as he is a survivor of your life.might sounds heavy, but your situation is so.....
7.Pray God

All the very best.

Always
Renu

 

don't leave your dh...its time that to be with him..be patient and brave...
"fortune favours the brave"...
if you are with your dh....the probabltiy of getting back to normal life is high..if u leave him..rift between u and ur dh will increase...
after all u are women....u can attract and get ur dh's attention back..girls have the power to do anything....it will take some time...be patient do things that will make ur dh think about u...keep us posted.........

 

abcdguy,
Yes, every body has a right to contact anybody else. But when the relationship gets over, it is just that. Over. You get out of that person's life for good. You do not return to overturn another's applecart. Don't you think so? Otherwise, every person, good or otherwise, would have the power to make your life miserable.

And about one's past.. I think that a person should be honest about his/her past with the future spouse. This gives the spouse an option to pull out if he/she is not able to digest it. And it is fair,too. Life is short. In my opinion, one should rather spend it with peace of mind and not looking into his/her spouse's past to see if there is more to it. You tell me. Is there any point in spending your life being paranoid? The OP did not do it. She gave her ex- the power to hurt her. If she had told her husband everything before their wedding, he would have been prepared for this and her ex- could have done nothing to hurt them.

Nobody wants to hear all the gory details of anybody's sordid past. It is best left to imagination. And that is why, it was wrong of OP's ex to barge into their life with all the gory details.

 

Maria,
He seems to be a nice guy, your H. Yes, you were not upfront before marriage. The least you can do now is, give him some time to recuperate. Time to take it all in. Once he calms down, have a talk with him heart-to-heart and honest and take it from there. He does not want to divorce or make a show-down. He needs time to digest the bitter pill, so give him that, and be ready to talk, when he wants to talk.

 

Yes, that is exactly why her ex- is less than a man.. Only cowards resort to these kinds of cheap tricks. The brave know how to bow out gracefully.

You are an attorney. As an individual, you are entitled to have an opinion. But as an attorney, don't cloud your vision with your personal experience. I am sure you must have learnt how to keep your personal view out of your professional approach in law school. Maria did not lie to her husband. She just did not tell him... it is an omission. And secondly, if I understand correctly, you practise law in US but Maria is in India. Although I am not well versed in Indian laws, I am sure they are quite different from those in US.

 

Maria relax...whatever you have done at that age is not a big deal...most of them will come across that stage ...now you have moved on with your life.
But as most of other ladies said especially Indian husband for him it is indigestible ..he wants his wife to be virgin...so most of females who have underwent relationship will not disclose their virginaty to their husband. This is true fact....nobody tells that I have lost my virginity before marriage to their husband.
So you could have covered this by telling some lie...but with weak mind to gain trust back you told everything.
That's fine...move on.. give time to your husband...don't feel shy to approach him ( if you feel I am guilty i can't face him ..) just be normal...
don't drag your parents in this...it is atom bomb explosion for them....

just keep this in mind....90% of the indians are still conservative and close-minded when it comes to relationship.

 

Hi Maria..

Time heals everything... please give him sometime to comeback to present and realize the 15 months he spent with you . just stay calm and composed iam sure he will understand that its just your current which is your unconditional love towards him matters and dominates your past .based on wat ever you said he dealt in a very decent and thoughtful way that talking to that Ass and making him not to disturb you further.. which clearly states that he doesnt hate you but hurt deeply. the very thought belongs to only his is not anymore may be this fact is eating him up inside.

i would strongly suggest to pen down your feelings on letter or email so that he can come out of that horrible thoughts.. im sure he will be normal in some days..

Wish you all the best!!!!

 

Maria,

Your husband is again proving he's a wonderful man. Don't say you'd go away if he did not talk to you.
He is lashing out what he feels and he has the right to it. You saying you'd go away is like giving yourself and him the chance to reject the marriage, even if he is not offering to do so.

But you have to work much harder on this from now. From what he's said, he is willing to go on too. Stay with him and show him what the years as husband and wife meant to you and what it would mean to have a future with him. But you have to give him time to deal with what he's going through.

If you think you need help, go to counselling on your own. It might help you deal with your own feelings better. Your Ex has screwed up your life too as much as your husband's. So get the help you need to have the strength and patience to deal with what your husband needs. That is loads of assurance that you WILL be a good WIFE TO HIM.