marriage means wasting your life for others

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
i read all the posts in one go.. and now my head is spinning like anything....
I assume the poster was in distress while posting her original comments....but what followed after.....live in vs marriage!!!!! OMG... i cud feel the hot winds in the air while reading the comments....

but one point I wud like to make here is a live in relationship shud not be considered as having multiple sex partners, if there is such a thought, there shud not be any EMA s ideally. Multiple sex partners/EMAs do happen but that does not mean everyone in dis world who's in a live in has multiple sex partners and people who marry always have an EMA.....

P.S: If anyone thinks i dont have the enuf gyan, am happy to be ignorant rather than see my post being quoted and criticised.. And appreciate/bow down u for the gyan u have kneesmiley

 

For every unhappy marriage, there are at least two happy marriages. For you , the number of unhappy couples seem to be 95 %, simply because, this Forum is full of unhappy versions only.

It is because, happy couples do not log in into this 'married life' section to tell their success stories !

 

Re: marriage

Arranged or love marriage, whatever criteria we use to select the partner, it is still a gamble, as there are still so many things we wouldn't know about the other person.

Living in together gives the opportunity for both to get to know each other lot more before deciding to go ahead with marriage and kids. Our true nature does come out when we live with someone, it's hard to pretend when we spend most of the time together.

Love is not enough to make a marriage work, in addition to love, need physical & emotional compatibility, trust, respect, tolerance & many more. Live in is a good way to see if we can have those things with the partner of our choice. It gives a better chance for a happier marriage rather taking a gamble and getting married without knowing much about the other person.

Your point about trust, real trust is earned. We don't go around doubting people, but we only really give our full trust to someone when we really know them. Live in doesn't imply lack of trust, it's gives the time to develop that trust.

Yes we can adjust and live with whoever we marry, if it's a matter of minor adjustments then it's ok but what if only thing that holds the pair together is adjustments and compromises? Is that living? As OP was saying it's wasting our precious life for others. I don't see any point of that.

 

I fail to understand how a live in relationship would solve issues that couples would eventually face in a marriage. Considering that statistics time and again has proven that people who co-habituate together before marriage are at a much higher risk of divorce.

Will someone care to explain and debate?

 

What I have noticed here is (even in Indian origin friends), involvement of inlaws is really less when the couple are in live-in relationship for the first few years. But say after 4-5 years, when the couples plan for kids, buy a home together, have a mortgage etc, its almost like being married (Common Law partners). The rules are pretty much like married couple and they go through the whole legal process of separation in the event they decide to break up.

But by then, inlaws (from both sides) get to know the SIL/DIL and the conflicts are usually less. So ya, I dont particularly see live-in any different from being married (other than the formal certificate of course and the traditional aspects associated of course)

 

exactly, eventually, live-in turns out to be exactly the same as marriage. I dont know about the divorce aspect though.

 

Couples who live together before marriage more likely to get divorced - Telegraph

 

ya well, i wouldnt rely on telegraph's research.

 

This is a research study conducted by scientists in the US. Telegraph is the newspaper printing the results of this research.

 

Probably more to do with the fact that people who co habit before marriage are more liberal and not worried about pressures from society .Hence if things don't work out ...they are more likely to opt out.
People who opt for traditional way of marriage are less liberal and more likely to be averse to divorce as an option.

Another reason could be religious sanctions against the idea of live in and divorce. People who don't consider religious views while taking decisions about life are also not likely to think about religion while considering divorce. This is a likely reason in the west .