Marriage Lessons Learnt In Life

Dear sister @iyerviji
It is a kind of bliss to see you back snippetting here after a long hiatus.
Is it today or few days before approaching your wedding day. This post you could have
Thought of from a trigger ofsuch anniversary!

2. The post is heart warming to young ones who had just married and trying to settle in a new environment with her darling hubby.

3. The nuggets of info you had stated here were followed religiously in an era of where patriarchal dominance prevailed. With advancement in girls’ education and their career, women of the world are more toward feminism and independence, one-sided adjustment only by DIL with her in-Laws is seen as futile.

4. But then to lead a peaceful life of harmony amidst kith and kin one must practise those seven which you had set out at the bottom of your post .

5. When enjoying siesta from a distance, a FIL was watching youngest of DILs WIPING/mopping spot on THE FLOOR using wet cloth. The spot was the place where lunch was served on banana leaf for FIL. After the leaf is removed, DIL Was struggling to bend over to wipe the spot clean. Hem of her saree was grazing the wet floor. Observing this from a distance, in presence of guests, FIL scolded loudly the DIL that her saree is getting soiled and she must learn how to tuck in her waist the hem of saree just before attempt cleaning. The young DIL’s whimper heard by others....but her MIL hit back softly the FIL .....breaking the rigidity of the moment.

Regards.
God Bless us all. Enda Bhagavathi protect all of us.

 

Dear Iyer Viji,You have spoken up your mind.
Now a days the couple set up the family separately.
There is no necessity for adjustment.Very rarely for a week or so
MIL and DIL meet and it is a hello hello relationship.No modern mother seems to advise her daughter about adjustment.If needed it is adjusting to the bridegroom.The boy's mother well knows the world
and the bridegroom is capable of adjusting to the new bride.
Now the struggle is between you and you and not with any other person.In many houses husband and wife live separate lives in the same house and name it'non interference'.When children are born, after they are seven or eight they become separate entities with a
mobile world of their own.We need special coaching to the modern men, women and kids.It cannot be the 'my olden days' puranam of the MIL of early days.
You have to keep yourself uptodate of the modern communication aids and should be able to corner trouble from any nook and corner.
The DIL who has never lived with her MIL is unable to live with her own kids!
The word 'adjustment'has to be redefined and positioned properly.
Who is to adjust? The mother or daughter or son?Not to talk of the would be DIL or son-in-law.First keep your home in order.Then talk of marriage consequences.

Jayasala 42

 

Wow nice

 

@iyerviji
Maami your thread made me reminisce the moments which I have cherished in the my two years of marriage life.

Though my parents didn't ask me to adjust and live with my in-laws directly, I could understand it from their indirect advises to take bath once I wake up, to freshen up in the Eve and should keep bhindi, to learn cooking when my mom is in kitchen etc., As mine is arranged marriage and I always wanted to get arranged marriage i kind of had mindset that I should adjust at my in-laws no matter what.

I don't have sil but I have bil who is of same age as mine and above that I am just 20 days elder to him . He is very shy guy but he cares for me and also when everyone wondered whether he will get along with me ,to everyone's surprise he even teases me (silent killer he is )

I have bil from my parental side but it is worst nightmare still. So I kind of want a good friendship with my bil than a sil bil relationship. I address him by his name and my inlwas are ok with it too. With the speed of getting divorce is increasing and my in-laws side has relatives whose marriage life was not good. All those made my in-laws worry about our marriage life. But to their surprise they love our bond right from start.

Both of our parents made us have conversation so that we can decide whether we can decide whether we are in comfort zone to get married.

I was clear in my point that I will support my family financially (though they wouldn't need but we are three daughters it should be understandable) after marriage which he accepted at once. My father is a tee totaller, so it is hard for me to withstand the smell of both cigarette and alcohol. When I asked my dh about it, he was(still is) tee totaller too. And came the food habits. I am prefer non veg and he is pure veg but glad he eats egg. When we discussed about it he at once said he can't tolerate only seafood smell whereas he is ok with others. To our surprise we have 3 years age gap and we are from same college but neither of us didn't meet. He was into games whereas I always wanted to enjoy my singles life. But he neither asked me any questions nor wanted asked me any. But when I insisted he asked whether i am ok with this proposal

Further we proceeded the proposal and with all this understanding now we are enjoying our life together.

We do had some misunderstanding and have small petty fights but I was sure about one thing right from start that I should accept my life as it is. And decided what I should do about it. Then came my mom's best advice"forget you have ears once you get married" . With this at first if we fight, I would talk before I go to sleep. And good thing is my dh at once replies bcz both are hurt. And nowadays it's big thing to stay mum for whole day so max half an hour .

He is my biggest strength.

And to be Frank many from our relation expecting bad news from us be it fight or much more. Glad we didn't give them a chance

This i am yet to experience children's part in my life but I already have given a thought about it hope i succeed in it.

I totally agree to it and me and my dh are example for it. We are neither obese nor bad looking. Many advised to reduce weight in hurt manner we don't take it to heart. We love how we are and comfortable with it.

After engagement only we shared our numbers and started to talk. After understanding the love for parents, i insisted my DH that he should continue the way how he talks with mom till then(they talk over ph for min of 30min) . And I talk with my father(he is no more so now 24x7 my dh is my chatter box) . Everyday i ask my dh whether he had talked with his mom.

My mil wants me to cook in her kitchen but I don't wanna to take her privacy there. It's her space i don't wanna make her feel bad. I help her in other kitchen chores.

I learnt cooking after marriage but neither my dh compared my cooking with his mom's nor my mil stopped my dh from helping me from household chores from cleaning to cooking.

Hope i cook for her but i hesitate because of the tastebud. They won't insult or hurt but I don't wanna them to loose their appetite

I would like to add few more to this please don't mistake me.

Care- we stay alone so the care we have is more.

Listen- when anyone of us talks the other should listen for better understanding be it funny thing or sadness

Suggestion- both should ask and give suggestions before taking any decision

Helping - one must ignore others view when you help your partner. Helping your partner when they need is not a bad thing. Which also includes supporting

Thank you for sharing your life experience and your posts always make me to reply to it.[/Quote][/Quote]

 

With all due respect, I partially disagree with the above statement @iyerviji madam.
Of course, being happily married is not easy. But it is possible if both partners in the marriage love each other for who they are.
It is in the hands of men & women to treat each other equal and make their marriage successful.
Just like women, men too marry to a family; hence they should learn to respect and live with in laws if needs be.

In our society, women are taught to be numb after marriage as if marriage is a lost battle.
They advice women to be nice, adjusting and compromising so that they can expect freedom from their marital family. Who are marital family to give freedom to women?

Marriage is yet another phase in your life. Of course it takes adjustments. But, you must be mentally & physically prepared to commit your heart & soul in this marriage; hence such adjustments and sacrifices won't be seen as problems.
It takes two to tango. Both women and men should adjust for the family they create.

 

Women and man are marrying each other and forming a family.
What if the husband is good, but his family are not good people. (In my case)
I had adjusted a lot for my husband's family and gone crazy. Had to go in for psychiatric treatment to get back to normal.
Even today I am suffering from previous wounds.lost sleep. Wasted precious years of my life .couldn't spend quality time with my kid.
After all this was not appreciated by my own husband. Still he calls me a house breaker.Being too loyal will not work in today's world. Learnt this the hard way.
I should have been strong mentally and stood up for myself
Women marrying into their husband's family and adjusting will only work if all are good people.

 

Love, respect and equality between spouses is very important.
Difference in economic status is not a big issue.