Marriage Is Over..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Mar 10, 2024.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am getting confused now in this marriage.What to expect and what not..

    been married for 21 years..ups and downs but overall I have been happy…BUT..
    It is because I create my own happiness, found hobbies I love and on and off work outside in jobs I love and saved money. I am also content and found one or two decent friends and I guess am doing okay in life.

    My hubby is a good person basically,respects everyone around and he does not trouble me BUT…

    I have always felt single in this relationship after kid.In sense we are doing our own things especially after a child and now in late forties..it’s practically like roommates.He watches movie in the theatre room and sleeps off.

    He has never come to me for sex maybe one or two times..but it is mostly me who initiates.Last time i had physical relatiobship was like a year back.

    We talk as friends ,have few laughs and he does his own thing and me my own.

    I also find him very boring and do not enjoy his company at all anymore but it is not hate.
    Maybe my marriagr ia over.

    It is not like am going to divorce coz nothing physical or emotional insults happened but life is so bland like living as roomates.

    I cant communicate with him at all coz he wants to hear only happy things. Anything my feeling i cant share.

    i am just so frustrated today..

    i am a classic example of a woman who looks great in facebook but is in shambles behibd the scenes.I am fake as heck and i admit it.

    I wish he can hear me ,give me a hug or tell me i look good or atleast act as if he is interested in me.


    I just told him the marriage is over today bluntly.

    I am just going to do things which will make me
    Happy and my child happy.I dont want to do anything for him except the basic duties.

    Why should i alone work for a relationship.I am
    not a piece of furniture.

    I dont know if am asking for a lot but sonehow i feel he can value me a lot more than he does now..I deserve better.

    Just wanted to journal..
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2024
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    OMG, I got a real shock when I saw your title. I thought your husband had walked out. What you are going through is sadly not uncommon. People tend to fall into patterns where you see each other only as the parent of your child and not also as a life and romantic partner.
    I would suggest that you start individual marriage counseling for yourself. Once you have the clarity for yourself then you can suggest couples counseling. This will take time.
    Focus only on yourself. Don’t compare to what you see on social media. The grass is not greener on the other side.
     
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  3. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    before you go for therapy. just fews Qs . may be thougths to think . some might be radical. but not meant to hurt .

    He was boring all these years or he turned boring. when did you realize. since boring for 1 person may be interesting for another . or he was interesting but changed.

    why now . after so many years. you do not have answer either if too personal . but was it never raised before. now late 40s men also have reduced testrostrone.

    again why now after so long.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2024
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  4. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    see saying go for counselling is easy. but how do you expect a change when a person was like that when he was expectation a personality or behavior from you that it is ok all these years.

    focus on your self is also cliché. i see you are already doing. how many movies alone you can go or eat alone or buy dresses.

    from what i see, you are looking for a couple relationship. unless he gets it and is willing to work and also understand what you want . it is a long road. ( may be you have already told).

    marriage counselling works if both are ready . otherwise it is money for the person sitting on the other side. changes on his side and yours will take time.
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well he is very practical..honestly it keeps me grounded in life and for me am impulsive and need excitement and maybe that’s what it is…

    sex was not bad but maybe we are in forties and I feel maybe it’s too early ( just saying) for it to decline..


    Again his practical nature…his idea of life is being in reality..doing what is just needed..
    Very simple..(well now I feel he is not bad at all).. but he is like lazy in sense just work and home.. I like him to be like men who takes walks or have some hobbies or housework..I want him to be interested to travel..a zest for life…

    He is too boring..work,movies,sports and hobby is sleeping
     
  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Ask him to get full medical checkup including cardio and also measure testosterone and thyroid level.
     
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  7. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    :clapclap: . So he is practically like my DH. dh here does not see movie or sports. only work , kids and helps me housework and workout. sex is regular i would say.

    .a zest for life -
    your quote. lol. same blood here.

    i feel you answered your question on what you want. Well it started too negative but it is no as negative as it sound. you know what you want , now convey and make it happen.

    Malstorm madam, is right. A good health checkup and workout plan is needed.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Having a conversation with a man about his testosterone level is tough stuff. It's not something you just casually bring up. It requires a lot of groundwork. It requires a woman to become a pseudo-expert, armed with facts to counter his potential arguments. She must factor in his personality and their decades old communication style, deciding whether to appeal to logic, use tact, or employ other strategies. Then, she has to find the right moment for this conversation, competing with his usual routine. She must approach it with fake enthusiasm, forced patience, and a supportive facade all while seething inside at basically having to parent a grown adult. And ultimately, she has to respect his decision on whether to get tested and when.

    And even if his testosterone levels are brought back to normal, there's no guarantee that intimacy will resume naturally. Cue another exhausting conversation, filled with forced patience, insincere empathy, and feigned kindness.

    If a joint venture takes this much effort, it's hardly worth it. All these conversations only add more stress to life, offering little relief in return.

    Better is a phone in a dark room and the internet.
     
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  9. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Watch this movie on YouTube



    There comes a time when a little bit of diversion is necessary.
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Of what kind? Could you pl elaborate? Your video suggestion about attraction not available even in UT.
     
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