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Marriage - does only women compromise

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by iman, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. iman

    iman Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    I need all of your help and suggestions.

    I married just 11 months back and settled in Kuwait. My hubby have 3-4 showrooms over here. Till now I noticed that he is so practical approach for life and diplomatic too. Only i do all possible things to make him happy of his desire food. What he wants i do.
    But he do what he wants.
    He make his own planning and according to that and i have to obey.

    As I don't have any kid, i used to get bore and feeling very alone in home. I wants to do job as he doesnot cope anything for me so I started my own searching and He saying Ok u search whatevery you do "I will tell your parents, whatever will happen its not my responsibiliy". Dear friends he has everything good business, vehilces...
    but he wants from me to only remain in home (diplomatically, he nevery say no to me directly) and do what he says..

    He has lots of money, good bank balance,... but not for me.. if he gives me like i am greedy for money or his mood become off.

    One more thing is that we both want a baby,, so he use to do sex only for that peak days else he is not interested at all. He never kiss , hug me as every woman desire these things more..I myself do but he too doesnt like. I am good looking, smart. So everytime should I approach? If any arguments between us, he makes me feel that only I am guily and everytime i say sorry or i start talking.

    So friends, I need your suggestion what should i do? I don't have right to live fully.. everytime should i compromise and kill all of my desire.


    Thanks
     
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  2. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Iman,

    What you have written here is very sketchy. Marriage is a very personal affair and reading from what you have written, it is difficult to advice you to make it or break it.
    I would definitely take the advice of family members and very close friends. So please contact your parents and in-laws and explain to them about your situation. It is always difficult to consult in-laws about their own son, but if they want you both to be happy, every parent will come forward to help.
    Do talk about your feelings and problems to your husband or write it out in a letter form.
    No, you should not compromise and 'kill' yourself. Human life is far more precious than that. Do something and save yourself and your marriage, if possible.
    I wish you all the best.

    L, Kamla
     
  3. sunikris

    sunikris Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Friend,:)
    I can understand ur problem.
    plz don't get vexup with the things.He might have stressed with his business & ouside traffic etc.,

    The better way to express ur feelings to ur husband is
    Mail or Email or E-greeting card,that is what i follow & i believe.

    Coming to ur personel problem u ask ur parents or in-laws, they can advice u in good way.
    Some times we may not listen to Husbands words or some other people words,
    but if the Same words comes out from our parents then we listen.y bcz our parents knows How to tell us.

    Did he tell u before, that not to work? (or) u no need to work?

    If yes, try to make ur own worldin free time, try to learn new things
    Somany things u can do..like arts & crafts, learning new languages, browsing,watch TV learn new things about new places & countries, etc.,

    If No,try to think in positive way that he don't want youmake tired by letting u to do job.He just wants you to enjoy Howsewife(married) life.

    We r girls sitting at home alone, so we have time to think about husband & future life.
    But husbands will(may) not have free time to think about personel(s*xual) life bcz of sterssful jobs, businesses & competetion.
    Understand him.
    I am sure he will also understand u, but it takes some time(2 or 3 yrs).


    Always be with smily face & make him happy
    cheers :-D

    :2thumbsup:
    Best wishes
    Suneeta
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2007
  4. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Iman,

    I do agree with other Ilites views, I think don't take any harsh decision & don't always think about this. Perhaps good thing is take ur time, listen ur hubby to save ur marriage & in the meantime try to explain to ur hubby how important for u to do some job.

    I think maybe becoz of this reason, & obviously becoz of his man ego he is not loving u much. But try to win his heart first & then think about something else.

    Another thing i noticed from my expereinced first couple of years becoz we came from different enviornment we faced so many problems but slowly-2 after sometime they used to understand each others feelings more better. I think right now u give more preference to ur marriage then ur career. U have whole life for this. Trust me this happened with lots of couples.

    U just got married, lady enjoy ur life & take it easy:mrgreen:
     
  5. anu9

    anu9 New IL'ite

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    Dear iman,

    dont worry ! everything will become alright.


    i agree with what cheer said as u first give preference to ur marraige than career.

    if both r egoistic then whole life is spoiled. i dont mean to say that u kill all ur desires and just obey him.

    just try to make him understand that wife plays a very vital part in his life.

    becoz she is the only one who is going to remain in his both good and bad times.

    i know it is very difficult to change some guys who r business and money minded but if a women makes up her mind she can change anything.

    iman u have got that power. so try to speak to him softly and make him understand.

    dont ever argue. even if u dislike something and he likes it say ok to it first.
    and once if he thinks u the one only who he can share everything ur life will change.


    hey u know onething. one easy way to impress men is by being a great chef. so try to make foods of his choice.

    one more thing is that dont ever let ur personal happenings to ur family members be it his side or ur side.

    firt try to resolve it by yourself. if u feel the situation tooooooooo worse only then u can.


    there is nothing wrong in obeying him after all he is ur husband. so dont hesitate to say ok . by obeying him for a little period of time till he understands u , u can make him obey u life long.


    i pray god that good things should soon creep into ur house.



    have a wonderful life ahead.


    Anu
     
  6. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear iman,
    that is a nice position u r in if u actually look at, now being the wife of an accomplished man is tough, he will expect u to also fall in line like his staff who run his errands, instead i want u to take some positive steps,
    like his grooming, are u satisfied the way he looks, like his clothing and the way he eats and the way he goes abt his hair and maintaining good looks and so on....just dot down these, and start becoming a very demanding wife instead of the plain jane look, be precise the way how u would want him to dress as an accomplishing man, show him u have other tastes of maintaining things where he falls short like the drawing room itself, no dropping of coat and taking the shoes leaving there and so on, be alive is what i mean, dont run behind him, men start taking note when u dont bother abt them, may be he had a very demanding mother, and is all defences up where hugging and kissing is all concerned, but when u take up the household u r the queen and queen never begs to be hugged or kissed, dont think i am asking u to be a moron but to get things to be noticed do things which u feel is good for self esteem, forget his threatening and all to ur parents and so on, that shows he is unable to handle and may be u may go off his limits, that is his weakness, so get him to notice u, parlour no problem get a good shape done, be active go away for a nice walk, come back in time but dont wait like a door mat, this again gets noticed, we woman think that marriage is ultimate, so we can relax, but not these days it is the beginning of a new life, where u need to be in shape, no nagging, but a new personality build up, where by all his friends take notice of u, then the game start, like u send him a wonderfull cake for desert along with his packed lunch, tell a nono for fat stuff, when u send more he shares and make it real royal, the feed back come back fast, men have loved food a lot, make some headway there, plenty of sites to help u out, our own chitvish is great if he loves indian foods, no sulking write on the mirror of ur room "U R THE PRINCESS" when u wake up,u look at this and move ahead, if men can give u complexes u can too...always make positive note in mind, he is unable to get along with u, then that is his problem, after all he also needs a child wait for it, dont rush many men want to be pampered and are actually scared to have a child, give some time, then plan once u r in his vision, be strong baby dont fall down, i think ur parents must have given a lot of backing, so rely on it and even for a second dont think u should loose out here, but plan ur strategy.. regards sunkan
     
  7. anu9

    anu9 New IL'ite

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  8. iman

    iman Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    My gratitude to all of you !!! thank you so much for all the support you've given me. All of your suggestion helped me great. IIK has become now my addiction as it support more than family members.

    Thanks.
    Bye and take care all of u.
    god bless!!
     

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