Marriage Alliance - Expecting financial support from the bride by working

glad that this guy did not keep you in dark & clearly stated what he is looking in wife........I appreciate his honesty.

 

Yes Pragati, I too respect him for that....................but I have realised that many people are very frank and open these days when it comes to marriage, nobody wants to deal with unnecessary trouble later..............I come across many profiles, where guys clearly state that they want a working woman who can support him thoughout, they don't want the girl to be a single child etc......................and the girls too tell that they are not willing to live in a joint family etc

 

Marrying a girl for her salary alone will not help to lead a happy married life. Probably now you may not feel it. After a child, when you see that your salary being contributed for SIL's family, you may find it hard to adjust. If Supporting two families after marriage has come as an accident, that is altogether different. Now you know where and how your income will go after marriage. Ask urself after a kid, whether you can spare your income for the sake of extended family. If yes, you can go ahead. Even if you have small hesitation, wait for a better alliance. Agreeing now and later refusing to help the family will definitetly bring more problems. Now think and decide.

 

So now he does not have a job? How did he manage so many people in his family with one salary? Why does he think that he will need lot more money if he was so simple and giving after getting married? There are so many questions which you SHOULD ask him.

I dont want to be rude but some men who are not financially well-to-do or "well-settled" in a job tell "family commitments" as an indicator to show how genuine and caring they are. And many "well-settled" woman like you do fall for such a man. Women feel that such a man will not desert her no matter what..if he is genuiely caring and want to start a family by getting married, he should also have the ability to provide for his wife whether or not she works.

Who knows tomorrow , you may want to quit working.. is it in your hands to take that decision.. will he lose his love/respect for you if you stop earning?

I had similar experience with a proposal. I fell for his "family love" but in the following weeks he revealed that he agreed because iam working and even if he loses his job , he will not be penniless. Ofcourse, there were lots of other reasons for me to say no to that person, but it did scare me. Like u said, i want that decision to be my choice. Well, it would have been different if it was love marriage and he and i were in ealry twenties. Then, i can completely understand that a person cannot be fully settled yet. but otherwise, i would suggest not going for this alliance.

 

Hmm, not exactly. There are few women who do fall for such family guys... in their heads, they have this idea of "hum saath saath hain" types family where everybody bonds so well... but real life is very different from that. Lack of money can be a pain in real life and i dont think op would have to lead such a life knowingly.

 

IMO it is not about man or woman but if one wants to support his/her family financially, he/she ought to take responsibility for the same. More so if he/she is qualified to work. You cannot expect your spouse to unconditionally support you in taking care of the financial needs of your FOO.
It is a different case if the person in question (here OP) decides to do it on their own.

OP, I feel that he is not being reasonable in his expectations. Since you seem to hear the alarm bells already, it is best to go with your mind and move on from this man.

 

Hey look .. i was in ur situation 4 years ago. It sounds liek you are sharing my story over here. My husband said these words before marriage and i thought he is responsible and good hearted blah blah.. What came in as a shock is that his attitude.. he said " i ll consider u as my wife only if u work" .. i thought he is a nice person and it is just his anger and gave him lot of chances. i was totally wrong.

i have gone through DV and all sorts of abuse. I came to a conclusion that he is not going to change when i lived with his mom for 5 months. Their whole family is behind money. They are not even true among themselves.

mine is an arranged marriage, so i dint have a chance to live with his family aft mrg since we travelled to usa. I am put in to pathetic situation now. my dad passed away. my whole family went in to toss seeing my situation with this guy.

"PLEASE DONT MARRY THIS GUY" . You can always wait for another one. it is even better to stay with out any company rather than having a bad company.

"PLEASE DONT EVER THINK TO SAY YES TO THIS GUY"
he is not searching for a life partner. he is in search of a partner whom he can put his financial burden.

Please stop appreciating him for being honest and start looking for another option. You are not going to be rewarded for saluting his honesty. you will end up being with sluggish, uninterested, lifeless husband with loads of financial burden which of no use at the end of teh day. once you have a kid, you might want a person someone who cares for u and ur kid . Try to full fill your needs etc.

Ask yourself, being a women, if something happens to you during delivery time and you dont want to work after the kid, will he let you do that? will you be happy at home, wih out a job.

You will lose all your happiness if you marry this guy..

Am just venting out cos of personal experience. I had to return back to work after 4 weeks of my delivery. i was forced. Now i want to get rid of my husband, but by all means am stuck wit him.. But i know, god will save me from this pathetic part of life.

 

Hey!!

Sorry for the late reply again.

I am sending you a link to the video of 'The law of attraction', there is also a book about it, called 'The Secret'.

I completely understand how you feel about your parents, I too feel that way.I feel like I don't mind going through this ordeal if it is in my karma, but I feel guilty that my parents have to go though it just because of me. They themselves had a very easy life, found each other in college, and had me within an year of marriage, but noe just because of me they have to go through this arranged marriage drama!!

I sometimes even feel bad when my mom's friends, actually older friends talk about their daughters being pregnant, and of them going to their DD's place for their delivery............I think of when I will be able to give my mom the same joy........my mom is cool though, she says since I just turned 27 I am silly to think that way.

It's only natural to think that way, please don't get pressurised and push it!! Tell me, will they like it if their lovely daughter falls into the hands of a wrong man??

Just be patient, do all the poojas and chant all the mantras with faith and devotion, and you will surely get what you want. Hindu scriptures have solutions to every problem, there are poojas and havans for almost everything, then what to speak of getting a husband!
Don't worry dear, your Lord Ram is on his way!!

THE SECRET (Full Movie) - YouTube