Marriage Alliance - Expecting financial support from the bride by working

Are you expecting that he should work? In my thinking it is both spouses responsibility to handle the financial responsibility of the family. Of course if the other party is ill, staying at home taking care of children/aging parents the situation is different but that is only a temporary arrangement.

The family obligation (sick brother) is something he has to take care of. But for example spending on charity is a little bit different issue.

 

You are not married to him right now so you can afford to think of this from your point of view without feeling guilty or selfish.
Can you support two families?
Can you think of a life where you will have to take care of family and work all your life?
Can you be sympathetic to his brother and his families needs(I think his wife should be the one working and taking on mare financial responsibility) without feeling bitter about it.

Can you be the second priority family all your life?

Can you ever tell if he married you for you or for his life long need for another salary.

Think carefully about yourself because you may not have the option later on.

 

What does his sister-in-law do? How did he propose to handle the financial commitment? Is he going to pay half his salary to them and won't have any savings after running your house hold after the wedding and will he give you freedom to do what you want to do with your money? how much is he expecting you to contribute for the household? Is he expecting you to contribute to his bro's family in which case i would say be very cautious. Is he good at his job? Did you find out from someone in his office about it? If you really like that person find out all aspects of it and make sure you have studied every angle of this situation(if what circumstances since his bro is ill) before proceeding.

 

Did he say how much he would be willing to help his wife with house work and child care since he expects her to work life long ?If he is not thinking in those terms...he is asking for too much.

 

You should have clarified with him regarding the expenses rather than rejecting the match. In today's times, both partners need to work and lady can't take the privilege of working just for her own sake. If she demands equality in rights, then there is equality in responsibilities also..!!

If you want, then can talk to him and take it further. Rem no sibling can deny financial help if one needs it for health issues.

 

marriage is about two inviduals who come together to pull the rope of life together.if you expect him to be a man to take up responsibilities then his expectation of his would be wife to support him financially is also correct.maybe if the person is good and worthy to be with life long then this small compromise on working shouldn't be a big issue-this is jmo.having said that,there may arise situations when you need to quit job due to child birth or sickness etc,maybe you need to discuss such situations with him.

 

Move on. . ....... . . .

No thinking straight........... Dont go by talks........

Think practically........ I know it is emotional relation but practical aspects are there to be seen.......

Best of luck....... May god help you to the right decision...........

God bless

take care
chow

 

I am neither a woman nor married, so you may want to take my input with a bushel of salt!

Consider the following:
The ball is now squarely in your court. This guy has been forthright with you about his expectations. If you go ahead with it, then future reassessment, renegotiation and readjustment of priorities will be difficult. He can always say "you knew all this when you married me" - the exact boundaries of "all this" cannot be defined with sufficient precision.

Some questions to ponder:
(a) Does his SIL work?
(b) How many nephews / nieces does he have to support? How old are they? For how long? At what level of expectation? Best schools in town, as their parents might want? Something less?
(c) Is he their sole source of support? Or a part-thereof?
(d) Do they all live under the same roof?
(e) How many children would you want to have? What are your expectations for them?
(f) What about old-age / retirement planning? For his parents, your parents, you?
(g) How stable, upwardly mobile are you? How ambitious / driven career-wise? Do you expect to have reliable resources to stay on top of changes in your field (re-training, strategic career moves etc.)
(h) Would you be expected to maintain the household in addition to being a financial provider? A traditional bahu scenario or a reliable division of labor?
(I) I think this guy is a little unrealistic in maintaining financial commitments for charity work while expecting his wife to shoulder family burdens. The motive is laudable, but the mechanics & strategy are off. To me, this suggests an inability to make realistic calculations - what do you think?
(J) Do you have resources to handle crises in your life? (finances, support).

In the United States, medical expenses are the single most frequent cause of bankruptcies. Furthermore, two simultaneous crises are often the cause of catastrophic hardship (e.g. job loss followed by major illness. Most health-insurance in the US is tied to employment). The existing obligations, to my mind, constitute one 'crisis'. How well prepared do you think you can be to handle an additional one?

It is perfectly reasonable that he should chip in to support his brother, especially through an illness that is no fault of his. I am only trying to understand the nature & extent of this commitment from your point of view. Don't forget, except for a few meetings and a heart that's aflutter, you are still an outsider who can walk away.

I think a relaxation of the stringent horoscope match criteria is in order. It appears as though you are willing, but not able to engineer that with your parents. Do you imagine that you would have greater capacity to influence the trajectory of family life if you were to marry this guy?

Try to think calmly. Do not let frustration drive the agenda. Do not take on more than you can handle.