Marriage after first handicapped child

krish565 · Jan 26, 2011

Having the first child as handicapped (spastic, mentally retarded) is the most horrible thing to go through in one's life. Views are invited from members who are having handicapped children as to how the quality of married life has changed. Whether husband, in laws or supportive or they do not care. How do you face society and the embarrasing questions which they put on you. Have you started going for dating. By dating I mean D(octors)A(strologers)T(emples)ING.

ArchanaP · Jan 26, 2011

krish565 said: ↑

How do you face society and the embarrasing questions which they put on you.
Click to expand...

How can, anything about a handicapped child embarrass you?

puni88 · Jan 27, 2011

Whatever it is, the child is yours.
In-laws may not be supportive, but it is your child.
How its going to affect in showing love towards a normal child or handicapped child?

srajitha · Jan 27, 2011

I am not a mother yet , but definitely it would be painful to see your child handicapped or mentally challenged. However a child is a child what if the baby is born normal but due to some reasons became handicapped or mentally ill do you think we will get insulted or stop facing the world .. NO that is wrong.
A child is truly GOD's gift its never an insult or insecurity.

lavii · Jan 27, 2011

My uncle has 3 daughters..1st kid is mentally challenged ..later stages she was not able to move kind of paralysed...next 2 daughters are alright without any problems..They both uncle and aunt have very well taken care of her..they had to go thru a lot..they are lower middle class people but till date they could have atleast spent 10+ lacs to get her cured but in vain..but never gave hope..2 yrs back girls mom died and that uncle got married to his wife's sister..she is taking care of the gal..she is 14 yrs now..

sujanags · Jan 27, 2011

Krish,
Atleast we should not use the word "handicapped". We should say them as "physically challenged".

RadiantCat · Jan 27, 2011

Check here: Early intervention services to children with Mental Retardation Center Foundation Rehabilitation of children with developmental delays/ mental retardation :: MNC India.

Husband has no choice but to support. Infact the husband and wife bonding must be much better.

Others don't matter. Finally, in DATing, you need to concentrate only on D; doctor, the other 2 doesn't matter because situation will not change.

Mathi123 · Jan 27, 2011

Krish,

If you are going to say your child as handicapped, who else will think of it as a gifted child ?
Please call your child as 'Special Child'. I'm not yet a mom, but I strongly believe you will love it & shower your love whole heartedly.

My aunt & uncle had such a special kid and they always thought their rest of the sons to treat him with equal respect and caring. That is a special motivation for my special cousin always. And make sure you don't speak about your child's weakness in front of others.

jhalli27 · Jan 27, 2011

its really sad to see that no one above has actually 'replied' to krish's question. she has neither mentioned that it is 'HER' child. nor is she 'calling' them 'handicapped'. her question is just to know how life changes after having special children. im sure most of us understood what she is asking.. but still chose to be giving her unasked advice and be judgemental. no surprises is she decides not to visit IL again!!!

anyways, coming to krish: by god's grace, i have never been in this situation and pray that no one is. but i have seen 2 cases of special children in my close family. i do not know how the equation between parents change, but have seen my cousins (3 siblings - 2 brothers and 1 sister who is a special need child) have a touch time. they both face social pressures from outsiders.. never from family. also, her brothers who are quite old are not getting married (for the prime reason that they have responsibility of his special need sister after parents pass away) i also find low confidence due to major other reasons. that does not mean they dont love their sister. just that, life is quite different.

another case i know of distant relative. their child had speech/hearing issues. just 1 yr back i came to know that the parents have separated and filed for divorce.

in most cases - its the parents who need to be strong and understanding. if they stick together and understand - no body else and nothing else matters. and yes, though money might not cure all illness, but it definitely helps to be financially secure. after all the saying is true - "its more comforting to cry in a benz/bmw than cry on a cycle".... !!

right from my concieving days until today(and till i die) my only prayers for my children (if i have more in future) will be "that they grow healthy, normal and with good character". i really dont care if they pass/fail or become engineers/drs... we are happy if our children are good humans and healthy.

for all those who have children with special needs - i would say to be strong and have faith in God coz he will look after them. be positive.

krish565 · Jan 27, 2011

Special child, differently abled, physically challenged, mentally challenged, autism, cerebral palsy these are all mere terms. They do not remove the pain. I have a special child. My question was, A child is the culmination of love between man and woman. Especially if the very first child has problem how does it affect the marital relationship. In my case it has made a negative impact on our relationship though we still live together. My advice is that lot of people having such problems are spending a lot of money on doctors, astrologers and temples. In fact none of the three is going to help. Though 10-15% of these children get rehablilitated the remaining 85% children we have carry them along for our life time. We will also have to worry as to who will take care after life time. I would like people share similar experiences in this forum.