managing child birth alone in USA..guide me.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by Rainbo, Sep 23, 2013.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Rainbo, even if they are acquaintances, many people like to help, especially in cases like yours. Do not rule out them as a source of help. If they have kids of their own, they will even more want to help. You can try broaching the topic casually. Ask about baby related stuff. I am sure they themselves will say to call them if you need any help.

    If you need your mother's help only for 2 months, I would suggest not having her over. The cost of the ticket, plus medical insurance for her, and the shopping in India and here (gifts), plus the hassle of first time travel for her - it is all not worth it.
     
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  2. geetha mahesh

    geetha mahesh Bronze IL'ite

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    Rainbo,
    I would still suggest you to get someone if possible- even with spondylitis and back pains people can opt to come in wheelchairs and are fiully assisted at the airpots nationally and internationally. My parents are old too and my mom came to western new york in cold winter when it was snowing. We just made sure she stayed warm. First 2 mths are crucial and if you have people pls call for help.Child birth is doable but can get over whelming. If you husband can take off for a mth then it is ok otehrwise it can be difficult but definitely doable. Enjoy your pregnancy and motherhood. It is divine and a truly humbling experience.
     
  3. geetha mahesh

    geetha mahesh Bronze IL'ite

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    I kind of disagree from personal experience- shopping and tickets are very small thinsg compared to the safe delivery fo theprecioyus little one you are going to have. Anxiety can be disastrous and taking care fo the whole event by yourself can be overwhelming. Here things can get complicated like bathing the baby etc which initially needs help. If this your first baby I sincerely suggest you to bring elders if possible.
    Good luck to you and the little one..
     
  4. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    I think it depends on the individual, and her abilities. Bathing a baby is not the most difficult thing in the world. I had no experience with babies, and still find them a little scary (well, a lot scary, if I must be honest - I prefer creatures that can talk), and I was able to figure it out from research beforehand, and a watch-and-learn lesson from a nurse during the regular three-day stay in the hospital post-birth.

    Generally, are you a take-charge kind of person who is prepared and organized most of the time? Or are you easily overwhelmed, and do you look to others (husband, mother) for help and support when you are facing challenges, like studying for exams, moving house, etc.? Having a baby can be a very stressful time, but it really depends on your definition of stress, and how you like to solve problems.

    In my experience, managing by yourself can be done. If you forget about keeping a perfectly clean house, take care of only you and your baby (forget your husband, he is expected to take care of himself completely and help you and the baby out as much as he can), and accept help from all those who offer it (no one will say they want to help if they don't want to), then you can probably do it.

    Let people bring you food, watch the baby for a few hours while you sleep, or do a load of laundry for you. Make a list of things now that you normally may handle (bills to be paid, salt in the water softener, changing the furnace filter) for your husband to take over for a few weeks/months.

    You won't be eating gourmet meals every day, and you won't get much sleep, but if you keep things simple, you'll survive. You'll be stronger for the experience, too - it's quite exhilarating to find your power as a woman and a mother by taking care of things yourself.

    Barring serious health conditions for you or your baby at childbirth, regular every day chores will be manageable. There isn't much you can do to mess things up. There's no magic or mystery to taking care of a baby. Babies are born all over the world every day in far less ideal conditions than we have here, and they do just fine. As far as I know, bathing (dressing, feeding, carrying, rocking, singing to, changing) a baby "the wrong way" is hardly ever fatal.

    Breastfeeding may be challenging at first, but there are lactation specialists at the hospital, and organizations like La Leche League that can help. I would suggest having a plan in place to get breastfeeding help before your baby is born.

    I think you are very considerate to be thinking of your mother's comfort. It is a harrowing journey, getting here by flight, and I like how practical you are about her health conditions. At some level, you will end up taking care of her a bit (it will be daunting for her to be in a new country, new house, and new culture, with a new baby, all at the same time) and this should be taken into account.
     
  5. shrutimanjunath

    shrutimanjunath Platinum IL'ite

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    hey Rainbo,
    my mom is working + she is having health issues. I am scared to get her here coz she is living in a comfortable environment and managing things there.She too has had loads of operations, spondylitis, bp sugar .

    Im thinking if i get her here for help, then first thing is she would have problems adjusting as she was never in usa. she will have travel issues like long travel etc.
    if something goes wrong to her health before delivery, then me and my hubby should take care of her. if something goes wrong to her health post delivery, then my hubby should manage my baby,me and my mom. hence, i thought to better not get her due to these reasons. she also has knee pains and cant sit in a place for long time.

    another thing, if you have acquaintance, who share a good rapport with you, ask them to get some food for you while you are in a hospital.

    even at times if you feel frustrated, u can ask them to do cleaning, cooking food, taking care of baby while you sleep. you can ask sorry later.

    another thing, i will share here, my friend who was alone during her labour of 2 days with her hubby. she was howling and panicky as it was induced labor and she had other complications too. her howling and panics made her hubby console her for 2 days regularly and this made both of them tired. if u n ur hubbby are managing this alone, then definitely someone is needed to take care of the baby once its born. you might not be in full position to take care, instead your hubby can do it provided hes not tired like in the above case. So when in labour, just relax yourself and try not to panic and depend much on your hubby continuously without him taking any rest.
    im not sure about your situation but its always better you maintain a calm without disturbing a lot to your hubby.


     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2013
  6. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    For those that did not have parental help to deliver the child, they tend to be more active and do not put on unnecessary weight. Most of them ended up having normal delivery. On the other hand, those with parental help had C-sections. I don't have hard statistic to prove this. I am just telling form the cases I have seen.

    If it works for you, take help from India. Otherwise, you can manage here with robust planning and steel resolve.
     
  7. geetha mahesh

    geetha mahesh Bronze IL'ite

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    To shruthimanhunath and Rainbo,I appreciate your self reliance on this. If it is impossible to get people then you have no choice but again all said it is a very exciting, emotional and life changing event for all in the family. Hence I would encourage people in the family to come together and help if tehre is an opportunity. Telling that people will not lose weight or have c sections are all misconceptions. Having these are very subjective and case by case dependent. I lost all my weight and a preplanned c section was cancelled and went into normal delivery, ofcourse I worked till the evening I got admitted. It is all in us how we tame our body. All saidand done sometimes it can be a blind belief that we can do stuff but it is overwhelming for sure but definitely woman has the strength to go through this. Enjoy pregnancy, hail motherhood...
     
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  8. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Rainbo,
    Congratulations on your pregnancy! I think you already got lot of suggestions. I took care of my new born (mine was emergency C-section) without help, I mean without help from either set of parents. My husband and friends were a great help. Our friends brought food for us several times in first 2 months and my husband took care of all household work. It was not hard. Taking care of a little one seems overwhelming but motherly instinct kicks in so fast that it seems like second nature within days. I'm glad I took care of him by myself, we never had a problem with BF etc. My husband gave him baths for first few weeks (he got 2 weeks of paternity leave) and then I took over. On the other hand, my friend whose parents (and then in-laws) helped her, went through hard time adjusting with mom's way of doing everything. In nutshell, if your husband is good at taking care of you and household, you can manage it easily.
     
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  9. saruaravindh

    saruaravindh New IL'ite

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    dear ,congrats .happy parenting .

    i delivered my boy jun 2012 . It's was normal . The case is similar lik u . Delivery is USA is like heaven . I felt I was in a resort when I was admitted in labor room. Lovely reception from hospital . So u need not worry abt it . All the thing u need to take care is get ready list out all u need for u and baby during delivery and after delivery . List out and shop every month . Pack things when u r nearing due so that u can grab wen u r rushing to hospital . (Camera )

    car seat ..

    Buy diapers , baby cream aveeno products , dress , towels ,tub , few toys , sanitary napkins for u , feeding dress for u ,,


    Baby will be sleeping whole day so u will ve ample time to relax ur self , u can start ur normal household work after a month ..


    My suggestion baby to India aft 6 months once u complete once set of vaccination
    (But ur decisions)


    hope this is helpfull.
     
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  10. shrutimanjunath

    shrutimanjunath Platinum IL'ite

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    good point hyma about bottle feeding.i think we can do this for both c section and normal delivery.

    you said yours was a c section. just a question was you able to walk to home and what routine you followed till 2 months of recovery?
    Please share your labor, delivery and post partum story. it would be helpful for first timers.


     

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