managing child birth alone in USA..guide me.

Hi, I didn't have a lot of help. But we women are strong and will do what we have to do to get things done!

 

Many couples on IL have done it. So it has been done. Having said that, it is an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, if not impossible task. It is certainly not as easy as you seem to think. You taking care of the baby and DH taking care of household stuff. No. It does not work like that.

In first month, it takes both mom and dad to take care of the child. One is feeding, the other is changing the diapers, burping etc. You will have NONE to take care of cooking, dishwashing, laundry, doing groceries or worse buy something for the baby. If you decide to pump or give formula, who will clean the bottles etc periodically every 2 hours?

You both will have no sleep for one week at least. You might have doctor's appointment for the child in that week itself. Your DH needs to drive in that time. I am not trying to scare you. Just telling you the realities. On top of it, you are in your worst form physically. You and DH will be so engrossed in baby but you need some one to pay attention to YOU and take care of you. You need rest.

But if you can plan as much as you can and ahead and execute per the plan, these challenges can be overcome.

1. Even if you have only one income and difficult financially, I still suggest you to hire help to take care of the household chores. She can come in the morning, cook, clean and if possible hold baby for 2 hours while you eat/take bath/take a nap.

2. Get everything necessary for the baby before baby arrives. Wash clothes. Do the crib. Clean bottles. Arrange diapers. Everything that baby needs need to be ready to use. You should not have to run to Baby's R Us for one month at least.

3. If breastfeeding is not working, do not hesitate to use formula for one feed. Bit controversial advice may be. You may get few good hours of sleep.

4. Keep your clothes ready. 7-10 pairs of pants and shirts to wear at home. Many undergarments and pads. You get these ready and don't touch them until you are home with the baby.

5. While you are in hospital, call your closest friend to bring milk, bread, ready to eat rotis, veg curries, lots of fruits and put them in fridge. Give one pair of home keys to her/him two weeks before due date so that you don't have to take of giving keys to them while you are in hospital.

6. Keep some Indian snacks such Jalebi, dairy milk etc handy in fridge. These for after baby use. You can munch on them once in a while just to give you instant sugar and may help release happy hormones.

7. Keep nurse line number in all places. Your phone, his phone, on the fridge etc.

8. Ask your DH to take maximum leave. Since you are in LA, there is a possibility of getting leave for longer duration.

Meanwhile, relax, eat well, rest well, eat food in different restaurants, watch movies and have fun. You will be fine with or without help.

 

Hi Rainbo,

we both belong to the same march 2014 due date club i believe

I am also in the same boat as you. Not getting any family help. But with help of DH, i have entered this phase of life. I did all research possible and now entered this conclusion that it is little difficult but not impossible. my DH tells that during pregnancy we should be very brave, as we have managed till this phase alone and we would be managing it all bravely in the coming months.

I have had friends who stayed here and had risky pregnancies and managed delivery,postpartum all alone sometimes even when their hubbies resumed work.

I know a classmate who managed this phase with her DH help. In usa, they will give you a list of everything for baby. when ur in hospital, you and your hubby check out how they swaddle babies, what to do if baby is colic, what to do if baby gets gassy. or even read some forums online like in babycenter. you can read it now onwards, this will help you, later . or write down in a book all these things clearly(so that you or ur hubby can read it to do accordingly). Ask your elders now, whenever you call them, recall their words and write it in the book.

My friends baby was so cranky that they sat all night with the wailing baby.they have even managed this part alone.

Regarding food: Post partum food preparation is very easy. I have googled the dishes and have written it in a book. the thing is they should not have hard food, just rice and dal,or greens with dal or suji halwa for few days. you should have minimum chilis in the dals. drink ajwain water for indigestion. have warm food always. drink warm water as much as possible.you can even ask your mom what all to have post partum food and write in the book what and how to prepare it.

your dh can cook this simple food for you and also he can cook food for himself during this phase.

Even you can get flyers in grocery like home made veg food, you can check out with them if they can give you post partum food. get some of their dishes and try out if they really go well for you now. Once you have that confidence, you can ask them to deliver food for you.

I have done this task myself and found a lady who can help me for post partum food in case any emergency strikes and would need her help.

regarding laundry ,cleaning and washing utensils, your hubby can do them in the evening. cleaning home can be done once a week. i have planned to get disposable plates and cups for us during that month.

we will be stocking the grocery before we leave to the hospital, atleast the greens,rice and toordal/moong dal, ghee milk.

your hubby might have paternal leaves, he can utlize this.my hubby would be utilizing his leaves for a week.

once he resumes, see that you just look after you and the baby.

even you can get nannies for hour basis for emergency , keep their numbers with you for emergency.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. feed the baby every 2-3 hours. burp it.change its diaper. these are the things we have to do when we have no one.

you will be in hospital for 3 days depending upon your case. they provide food to their patients like soup, salads,wheat breads. I have however not reviewed the taste with my hospital food. I thought to try it only if i am damn hungry.My hubby would come home to cook food and would return with our food.

Even after your baby has come, you need not invite guests for few days. this would be your rest time and bonding time.

shop sufficient clothes, swaddles etc etc for your new born at 7th month and wash them and keep your bag ready. get a milk pump set, so that you can pump your milk and store it. in case you are asleep then your hubby can feed your baby and burp it.

this is how i have written everything in a book, i will store it for post partum period. So that even if i dont know my hubby can refer it and do accordingly.

no need to bathe baby until the cord falls off.you can give sponge bath with your hubby help.
Please pm me for anything. We can share more talks. btw when is your due, we can share our common issues.

 

Hi Rainbo,

yeah i did attend those classes and they do help.. I was in my 3rd trimister when i joined those classes. I think that will be the ideal time.

I believe, if your husband is hands on..he can help you with laundry and cooking. Your husband will have to take paternity leave to help you out. My friends lived far away from where i stayed and they were busy with their own life...but we would talk to each other over phone..and that helps a lot.

If mother or MIL is not available .... We still have to figure a way to make things work.
we would do some basic oil massaging for the baby and gave her bath in a baby tub( the most safest,when handling a tiny,delicate, slippery baby

As far as eating, eat healthy non gassy food. Try to eat food that increases the breast milk production. We are vegetarians..so i didnt have any soups..etc
yes lot of sleep and rest is essential.. This is where your husband should pitch in.. He needs to take more responsibility in changing diaper, holding the baby, even feeding..if you are planning bottle feeding atleast for the first week.

When you do not have help..you will naturally gain the strength and confidence to face the situation.

take care,
best regards

 

yes
<And will start looking for nanny or any help for house work..because it will be better if DH also gets some help..>

This part even im thinking. But he has decided he will feed on curd rice and the food cooked for me. if he cooks this food only in bulk he can also join with the same food that i have. you can put up for ads in sulekha for nannies. you both dont need to strain much. U can only concentrate on your and baby needs. food cooking will be taken care by him. laundry and other things can be done on weekend. generally they have 5 working days. 2 days r weekend :-D. this way one month will pass of. :-D.
weekends your hubby can do laundry and relax. if you are having sufficient daily wears, you would not have any requirement.

Also I have asked that lady if she could give me gaund ke ladoo post pregnancy. i have tasted it and its very accurate to the requirement.


You have to be also careful not to stress much

 

Hi rainbo

I delivered my baby 7 months back thru c-section.no one came from india and we dont have many frens here because of less indians in my city.at first i was scared.but the doctors here has taken good care of me.i had to stay in the hospital for 4 days.my baby was in special care as she was a premature baby.at hospitals the nurse will teach you everything from breastfeeding to bath.after going home if your husband can stay with you for few days that can be great help.there wont be any pain even if it is a c section.they wil give pain meds.
one small suggestion i can give is try to introduce bottle feeding along with direct feeding.this will help you recover faster.you and your husband can share the feedings in the night which will help you to get some rest.once the baby is 2 months old you can avoid bottle.this way i recovered very fast.
attend breast feeding classes.best time to attend is when you are 7 months pregnant.hope this helps.

 

Dear OP,

Sometimes it is a lot less stressful to manage on your own since you dont have to worry about other factors such as your mom's health when here, the excessive work load on her etc... for the first month postpartum you mainly need a lot of sleep and healthy non-spicy food. you could make a few dals and bland veggies a few days prior to your due date and stock them up. you could also buy/ make some ladoos and sweets with nuts that are handy so you can munch on them between meals.
Get your husband to do the basic chores. dont stress out if things dont get done the way you want them or if the house is messy. its ok . your health takes priority over everything else.

join prenatal classes to get tips on managing with your baby alone. you could also get nannies or doulas to help during childbirth and during the first few weeks .

Plus always remember its a temporary phase and you'll go back to india soon.

Cheer up and stay happy