managing child birth alone in USA..guide me.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by Rainbo, Sep 23, 2013.

  1. Rainbo

    Rainbo Silver IL'ite

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    Hello everybody,
    i am 16 weeks 1st time pregnant ..not working , and I want to ask all you ladies that is it possible to go thru childbirth with no mil, mom help..I have my husband with me and he helps me a lot and knows to cook..

    my mil is not coming for sure ..my mom is ready and already making plans but she has health issues like spondylitis,back prob, cant sit for long hrs ..but she is capable of doing all housework and very active otherwise..this problems bother her like in traveling and cold whether etc..

    so I was thinking why trouble her it's almost 30 hrs travel and also her first travel to USA that too alone she is little scared but not telling me..
    so please help me deciding that is that ok if I tell her not to come and plan to manage with my DH alone ...

    {{{have any of you done that and what all problems you faced..PLZ SHARE.}}}

    I will move back to India after 2 months once baby is born..
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2013
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  2. vidhyalakshmid

    vidhyalakshmid IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    I delivered my baby in 2006 through c-section without any help from anybody.
    Ofcourse my husband was there. It was roller coaster ride and painful mentally as well as physicallly. But we have to go through whatever destined for us. Now everything passed and it was a phase. You will also get through that.
     
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  3. Rainbo

    Rainbo Silver IL'ite

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    Vidhya..so did you missed someone's help that time..like there are work which you have to do your own like feeding the baby etc..just wanted to know what difference did anybody's help would have made??
     
  4. Soulsong

    Soulsong Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Rainbo,

    When i was pregnant with my daughter i didnt have any help. .. Not much help from DH too. Mine was a normal delivery..that was a blessing.( even if its a c section recovery time is much faster in US..as everything is taken care of very well at the hospital)

    It is tough..coz everything is new to you,plus you yourself is recovering from childbirth.You can manage with your husbands help. You said he is a great help..then i think you will be able to do it. Just be prepared ..start attending the labor classes,where they teach the basics of child care. That will come very handy.

    Try speaking to some close friends... Friends can be of great help..physically and emotionally.
    Its just a matter of 2 months,so i think you .

    All the best.
    you will be fine :)
     
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  5. revaselva

    revaselva Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Rainbo,
    I am a mom of 2 kids. My DH is a good cook as well. My mom passed away long time ago. So had to depend on MIL. During my 2nd delivery, I told my MIL not to come since she made me miserable during her first trip when my 1st one was born. So even though I was fully aware of what to expect during labor and post partum, it was hard for us to manage day to day. Having gone through the pain and hassle. I would say please call your mom if possible by any chance. Its not worth going through this phase alone. The emotional support you need is more important than her doing the physical chores. You will need guidance and help.
    But since I do not understand ur mom's physical health condition completely. I will leave it upto your decision. The initial 3 months are more important for you and baby, so better have family support.
    The following are where I faced difficulty:
    1. Post partum traditional food preparation: I am a south indian, so we have lil different diet during first 2 months of postpartum. usually elders will know what food to eat and what to avoid for better health and better milk supply. since this phase is when u will establish a good supply of milk for your baby. you dont want to strain ur self during this time.
    2. Sleep and rest for mom: u can peacefully sleep atleast few hrs, when u know baby is in ur mom's hands and this secure feeling, u wont get with nanny or anyone else. and u will lose this much needed rest with no help.
    3. Baby massage and bath: This is most important help u need as a new mom. The traditional way of bathing baby is much better than a bath tub (this also if u can get). if u dont have choice, then babytub is fine.
    But to summarize, all these chores will feel daunting initially since you have not done that before and they eat up your rest time and makes ur stressed out.
    So, decide if its worth going through. Good Luck!
     
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  6. anmolhai

    anmolhai Platinum IL'ite

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    I did had help both times and one of my friend didn't and here is what was different
    * My focus was sleeping /feeding baby /eating/resting as my mil took full charge of cooking/cleaning & feeding my older son.
    * I didn't worry about laundry, cooking, cleaning and even some days giving baby bath & massage as mil ( bless her) took care of it.
    * She made sure I have hot food and warm water.

    There were lots of things we were not sure about during first time and it was nice to have her near by to talk/share the load. Its also nice as mil & fil would play with baby a lot even after all the work mil put in.

    my friend didn't had any help so on 2nd-3rd day I went to her house with some food and with intention of doing her laundry & taking her older dd out for a while. When I reached her house she was folding laundry & in between she would hold her lo. I told her to go take a nap with baby & I will take care of things.
     
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  7. Rainbo

    Rainbo Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks soulsong..
    so do you attended these classes??when is the good time to join..third trimester or 2nd ..
    Will look for it...
    and dear I have no friends here just acquaintances ..so no help from that side too..but daily long chat with family on phone or video soothes me a lot..
     
  8. revaselva

    revaselva Senior IL'ite

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    Well said Anmolhai, this is what I was trying to convey Rainbo, in my earlier post. But you laid it out well. I totally concur with your words, esplly having gone through the phase myself without help. All the stress to cook (help DH with cutting veggies), putting the menu for him as to what to cook, fold clothes, cleaning dishes etc. I think women should not depend on husbands completely during this time, since even the new fathers will also feel burned out with their office work, kitchen work and taking care of wife and lil one.
     
  9. Rainbo

    Rainbo Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks revaselva and anamolhai..
    anamolhai, I wish I had a friend like you here..seriously that was so sweet of you that you helped her.
    I am sure it's my first so it will be difficult but I am completely free from household chores..as I know my DH will take care of it and my focus will be on baby and me..i know it will be little hard for us to manage.
    revaselva my DH has already banned me from doing laundry cleaning dishes and cleaning house he has already started helping me in kitchen when I don't feel fine..he make whole meal for me ..so I think I can count on him for 2 months..
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2013
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  10. Gae3

    Gae3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Rainbo,
    Nice post.Had same question on mind if i don't return back to India.
    I am also in same boat at home sometimes feel lonely.
    I am now at 6 weeks.How do you spend your time?
    My mom is no more, so just weekly calls to Dad and In laws.
     

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