Major Dowry Drama...should Wedding Be Called Off?

Please remember that it will definitely not stop with only the marriage expenses. Throughout your married life , your parents may have to go on trying to please them. Will that be ok with you all?

 

OP,

Here is my 2 cents

Any family that does not think that the DIL is the biggest gift they can ever get is not worth considering. Today your BF says getting his parents to agree to the alliance is a victory so gifts are ok. What if tomorrow he asks you to turn a blind eye to their horrible behavior to you sighting the same logic? If the BF does not support you before marriage, let me warn you that most probably its only gonna get worse after the marriage. I suggest you sit down and discuss it with your BF. If he is a well educated ,sane man with some amount of integrity, he will be able to understand your point.

PS: I dont buy the 'gifts are expected and accepted in Indian society''bull. I was born and raised in India. My family (and Myself) did not entertain explicit and implicit demands for gifts when looking for a marriage alliance. The maximum we tolerated was ' if you want to give any thing to your daughter, its up to you'.

 

It may still be happening in some places in India , but things are changing fast. You are still away from the D day, I have known girls to walk out of marriage Mandaps when demands were made at the last minute thinking that the girl's party has no option!

Well as some have already pointed out this is just the beginning and demand are not going to stop! Besides it is an offence to receive as well as to GIVE dowry/ Gifts.

To me it is a matter of principle! It does not matter whether your parents agree or can fulfill the demands. THIS IS NOT DONE! Only you can decide and bring your parents and BF round. If he does not consider is he worth having?

Re your love , sometimes this kind of jolt is needed to get the guy round.

Think Deeply. I will advise to get out but finally you have to decide.

 

I think you should seriously consider getting married to this guy.
one he doesn't stand up for you and secondly he considers giving dowry as tradition.
do you think he will stand up for you for the rest of your life ???
1.5kg of gold and 400gm for the sis-in -law, have they gone bonkers??? I think this is what they are thinking - you said you grew up in the states from childhood, I would consider your parents to be NRI. so they are thinking the one they got an NRI bride for their son, NRI is equal to rich in India.they are trying to extract the maximum dowry they can get from you guys. and secondly, their son will get a US citizenship served on a platter. that's the only thing I can see. now u give them your hand to shake, what's the guarantee they will not reach for your throat some day. listen to your gut, what does it say? there is not point in repenting afterwards.
I appreciate you for asking this question here. at the end of the day, it's your life and your decision.
I read your last line fro your previous post, that you are too much love to run the other way, but remember love is not a one way, you stand your ground that there will be no dowry or "gifts" from you side than see how strong this love is. the true test of love is not when it's all rosy but when the weather gets choppy.
hope you take your decision with your eyes open.

 

Hey OP,

I know being in love is amazing and all that but it has to be reciprocated. If not, no matter how much you love him now, it might just grow bitter later on.

You can say love as an excuse now and turn a blind eye to your BF's behaviour now. You wont have this excuse tomorrow when after marriage he makes some stupid demands. It will be too late to regret.

Just take some time out and think on every comment written above and analyse your bf's behaviour when he comes back.

If you dont get the good feeling about his decision, dont proceed. I know its easier said than done but its a lot better than getting married and regretting later!

 

Tradition??? Totally unacceptable. Good to get away from these traditional trading family - is he going to start a branch of "Kalyan" Jewellers in the US? in the name of kalyan/marriage, with another branch to be run by your SIL in India.

 

haha u had me in splits, could not stop myself from commenting.

 

you should gift 400gms gold to your Sil.ok what are they going to give for their dil?Is there no tradition like that?Talk to your BF and get a clear opinion from him.These people cheat the society in the name of Tradition.