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Low Self Esteem - Self Loathing

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by star90new, Jan 27, 2019.

  1. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    People around me are all Doctors,CA’s , Lawyers . How do you feel when your siblings, cousins are all in a better profession compared to you and your husband. I am an Architect and people around all rate your profession on the basis of money you make.

    Now I myself hate my profession and I am thinking of following my long lost dream of studying Dentistry. One of the reasons is to earn more money and other more respect in society .

    All my and my husbands cousins in IT field earn a lot and in laws have started comparison. Same with those who are doctors and Chartered Accountants.
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    To be honest, you can become whoever you wana be regardless of your education. Not all people in IT or doctor or CA field make good money or successful, just like any other field they have their ups n downs n success n failures too.
    I know a friend who stared doing an interior business purely out of interest - she had done some BA or something.
    Another an architect but loved fashion so became a fashion designer.
    A dental degree holder working in IT
    An engineer running a restaurant.
    I can give you many live examples that I have personally come across.
    In such cases, what they have studied n what they are doing are completely opposite, it could be due to passion n interest or that they can’t sustain in their field or they studied for parents n don’t want to continue on the same path.

    If your interest lies in dentistry, go ahead n do that. But understand that it has its own challenges too. N that you would have to study full time for 4 years or so n there’s internship after that. I dono how long it takes in Dubai but all these professional courses requires you to dedicate atleast a few years, more money, more energy n hard work. Having said that, if you have enough passion, you can get through any hardships.
     
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  3. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you want to please every tom dick and harry with an opinion about your life? Why are you giving them so much weight? As long as you continue to live your life to please others or to shut their mouths you will continue to be unhappy and have low esteem. No matter how much you change yourself people will find something to point at. Live for yourself. Architect is a noble profession. It is respected profession. At least respect the effort you put so far to come to the height you have and continue. Ignore all these people
     
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  4. pocahontas

    pocahontas Gold IL'ite

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    I think if society respects only your profession - then you are with the wrong crowd! I understand that some career choices mean you live comfortably. Money wise again - you and your husband are not dependent on anyone, right? Your in-laws knew what your chosen profession is. So why is this coming up now? Tomorrow what if they start taunting you over something else?

    You are also asking about how much you require to get by, depends on your lifestyle and choices -for some 80 lakhs is not enough and others get by in 3-5 lakhs pa (My colleagues, team members earn these amounts in Hyderabad.ofcourse have a different lifestyle, standard of living and both complain as well ).

    Google for standard of living comparisons between countries and cities - there are various online calculators which will tell you how much you need to earn in India/US if you are earning X amount of money in a different country/city (say Australia or Middle East) for same standard of living.
     
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  5. NaiveLady

    NaiveLady Senior IL'ite

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    I can understand to an extent where you are coming from as I often compared myself to my sister (a high-earning doctor who has retained her career without any gaps after graduation) and other high-earning relatives too. Then again, I see several people in society who are extremely hard-working and help out others but yet are not paid a lot of money, relatively speaking. Some examples I can think of: janitors, store workers (especially the people who stock the shelves and help out customers), house cleaners, teachers, and more. So money isn't everything though we all of course need it for our living expenses (and higher salary certainly can help in that regard). The important thing in the end is whether you enjoy what you are doing in general and are getting satisfaction out of it, otherwise it may not be worth it in the long run.

    Not sure why your in-laws make comparisons - I don't mean to be rude but a few generations back it was relatively uncommon for women to work outside the home (at least in jobs requiring education), so why should the women (e.g. your mother-in-law) get involved in this comparison, whether or not she had worked?

    You mentioned you want to follow your dream of going into dentistry. As long as you know you will enjoy it/get satisfaction from it, great, but like with anything, hope you weigh the pros and cons and then decide if it will be worth it for you. For example, money/salary considerations aside, one will have to use one's arms and hands quite a bit for the dental work and that can definitely be straining after awhile; at the same time, there is the sense of accomplishment in making a positive difference in others' dental health.

    Whatever path you decide to pursue, I hope you don't feel pressure from others to go that way but decide to follow your own head and heart. My mother was in a stable banking career when I was growing up but eventually, after my sister and I became independent adults, she decided to pursue her long-time interest of going into acting (part-time), so food for thought.

    All the best!
     
  6. NaiveLady

    NaiveLady Senior IL'ite

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    Also, since you mentioned dentistry, just wanted to mention that one of my aunts has been holding a stable dentist career so that has worked out well for her!
     

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