LOVE-A System's Software Program

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by slgayatri, Feb 22, 2007.

  1. slgayatri

    slgayatri Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Ilites



    Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the

    "Heart Systems Software Company"help desk.

    How may I help you?

    Customer: I just received your latest program,
    LOVEv4.0... you know.. the freeware.

    I don't understand it.

    Can tell me how to install it?

    Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and instructions with you?

    Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?

    Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am.
    LOVE is a unique program, there is no other like it in the world.

    LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the background, you will never see LOVE[FONT=Comic
    Sans MS] on your[/FONT]

    Sans MS]monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its affect on every application you may have.[/FONT]

    Sans MS][FONT=Comic
    Sans MS]It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.[/FONT]

    Sans MS][FONT=Comic
    Sans MS]Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does [/FONT]
    [/FONT]LOVE make my machine run smoother?

    Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like

    KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS. EXE will be invoked every time there is an
    external violation, including the ever- popular syntax errors.

    Also, all those aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" will be avoided.

    LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the
    brand name, or the age of the model.

    Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for too long

    But what about the bad programs?

    CS Rep: Good question.
    LOVE searches your memory for programs like HATE. COM, BITTERNESS.EXE,

    SELFISH. COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs cant be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE

    overpowers those programs.

    LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear
    INSULT.WAV and you wont be able to write with the fonts "BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10" .

    Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free too?

    CS Rep: They sure are ma'am.


  2. slgayatri

    slgayatri Bronze IL'ite

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    (Cont..) LOVE-A System's Software Program

    Customer: How do I get the upgrades?
    CS Rep: That's easy. Once you have
    installed and running, it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external Hard drive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. but you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with other computers while it is running.

    Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
    CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

    Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
    CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

    Customer: Let me see....I have
    RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
    CS Rep: No problem.
    LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system.It
    may remain in your permanent memory,but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

    Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
    CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
    FORGIVENESS. EXE. Do this as many times as
    necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

    Customer: Okay, I'm done.
    LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
    CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your
    HEART. Do you see that message?

    Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
    CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
    You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.

    Last edited: Feb 22, 2007
  3. slgayatri

    slgayatri Bronze IL'ite

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    (Cont.)LOVE-A System's Software Program

    Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
    CS Rep: What does the message say?

    What does that mean?

    CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the
    LOVE program is set up to run on external [FONT=Comic Sans
    MS]HEARTS[/FONT] but has not yet been run on your HEART.

    It is one of those complicated programming things but In non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.

    Customer: So what should I do?
    CS Rep: Can you find the directory called

    Customer: Yes, I have it.
    CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

    Customer: Thank you.
    CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the
    "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF. DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH. TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty
    programming. Also, you need to delete
    SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

    Customer: Got it. Hey! My
    HEART is filling up with really neat files.
    SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT. COM are copying themselves all over my
    CS Rep: Well, you are finished now with the installation, remember to take care of the HEART and to share it with everybody you know, it's freeware and you can share it with all the people that you think who can use this program, you can forward this program with email or ICQ, you also can tell them that we are always willing and able to help them with the installation instructions.
    Customer: That's so nice, thanx and thanx again, I sure will pass this program to all my friends! Have a nice evening and thanx for the help.
    CS Rep: That's our job, the pleasure was all mine ma'am, thanx for using our program and have a nice evening!
    Customer: I sure will bye......

    Keep smiling..
  4. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    itz really very nice & a new way too...
    thanx for posting it.:2thumbsup:

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