Looking For Suggestions

cgollhally · Jan 20, 2021

Caughtinbetween said: ↑

hi ,

i am here today to ask you all for some ideas with a very unfortunate situation.

my friend , you can say my only friend in this country lost her H unexpectedly to covid recently.

she is a homemaker with three kids , youngest in elementary and both older siblings in high school.
she is not very educated , i think just passed 12th and maybe one year of college before she dropped out of it , can speak english a little bit but feels lost when someone speaks very fast . grew up in a remote village in india and never worked outside of her home till now. she can drive . she has zero idea about managing finances .
we are still waiting for her late H's financial dealings to come through in terms of payments from his work place , 401k , life insurance , CD's, bank account/locker access , credit card etc i mean just about everything.

she and her late H helped me a lot when i was struggling with my mother's loss both emotionally and financially . she badly wanted me and my H to move back closer to her to help her with figuring out everything but you know how these visa restrictions work .

they are all usa citizens.

unfortunately they all got covid but they all are now slowly recovering except her H whom we lost.

i want to go and stay with her for a few days to help her but due to this covid holding myself for sometime as they still havent come out of isolation and tested negative. thankfully there are 1-2 neighbor friends who put on a ppe suit and go inside for sometime everyday or a two as they also recovered from covid recently and hoping antibodies would help and also get them stuff they need which i cant order online for them.
now my friend also says its probably better for us to visit later when the finances have come through so that we can help her sort out.

her H's siblings live close by who are financially way better than them. if they all come together to help the family in some way or the other for next 5-6 yrs so that her older kids finish college and start working thats enough but then usual family issues and politics is playing out.
its sad but i kind of understand this from my own life experiences now. but still some help from them would come surely , not clear at this time what it would be.

there is no help from her side of the family either as they in india are also not well to do.

i am here to ask for some tangible ideas in which i can continue to support her in future both in terms of educating her of the options available and financially whatever i can . she counts on me and i try my best to live up to it .

right now i try to explain them about how to create credit card accounts online and pay and monitor online , using autodebit for rent, utilities etc. i will slowly bring up the idea of taking up a job but even if she starts working it will likely be a minimum wage job but then hoping to find something which offers health insurance atleast.

what are some ways in which you can maximize the use of 401k+life insurance+ssn such that you have min. living expenses taken care of ?
i know this all depends on the total amount that you have in hands but still ideas would help.

thank you very much
Click to expand...

cgollhally · Jan 20, 2021

Caughtinbetween said: ↑

hi ,

i am here today to ask you all for some ideas with a very unfortunate situation.

my friend , you can say my only friend in this country lost her H unexpectedly to covid recently.

she is a homemaker with three kids , youngest in elementary and both older siblings in high school.
she is not very educated , i think just passed 12th and maybe one year of college before she dropped out of it , can speak english a little bit but feels lost when someone speaks very fast . grew up in a remote village in india and never worked outside of her home till now. she can drive . she has zero idea about managing finances .
we are still waiting for her late H's financial dealings to come through in terms of payments from his work place , 401k , life insurance , CD's, bank account/locker access , credit card etc i mean just about everything.

she and her late H helped me a lot when i was struggling with my mother's loss both emotionally and financially . she badly wanted me and my H to move back closer to her to help her with figuring out everything but you know how these visa restrictions work .

they are all usa citizens.

unfortunately they all got covid but they all are now slowly recovering except her H whom we lost.

i want to go and stay with her for a few days to help her but due to this covid holding myself for sometime as they still havent come out of isolation and tested negative. thankfully there are 1-2 neighbor friends who put on a ppe suit and go inside for sometime everyday or a two as they also recovered from covid recently and hoping antibodies would help and also get them stuff they need which i cant order online for them.
now my friend also says its probably better for us to visit later when the finances have come through so that we can help her sort out.

her H's siblings live close by who are financially way better than them. if they all come together to help the family in some way or the other for next 5-6 yrs so that her older kids finish college and start working thats enough but then usual family issues and politics is playing out.
its sad but i kind of understand this from my own life experiences now. but still some help from them would come surely , not clear at this time what it would be.

there is no help from her side of the family either as they in india are also not well to do.

i am here to ask for some tangible ideas in which i can continue to support her in future both in terms of educating her of the options available and financially whatever i can . she counts on me and i try my best to live up to it .

right now i try to explain them about how to create credit card accounts online and pay and monitor online , using autodebit for rent, utilities etc. i will slowly bring up the idea of taking up a job but even if she starts working it will likely be a minimum wage job but then hoping to find something which offers health insurance atleast.

what are some ways in which you can maximize the use of 401k+life insurance+ssn such that you have min. living expenses taken care of ?
i know this all depends on the total amount that you have in hands but still ideas would help.

thank you very much
Click to expand...

Mistt · Jan 20, 2021

@Caughtinbetween It is very sad to know about your dearest friend's situation. I don't know any suggestions but hope for her extended family and friends help her to pass this the hardest phase in her life. May God gives her strength to cross all obstacles and show them right path.
@Hopikrishnan sometimes some of your posts look silly and annoyed me . All your responses in this thread are very concerned and worth to follow/remember. Thanks for inputs.

chanchitra · Jan 20, 2021

USA citizens should be able to apply and get medicaid if they fall under the income limit.
Your friend and kids may qualify.
Department of Human Services | NJ Medicaid.

shravs3 · Jan 21, 2021

Very disheartening post. I have no much suggestions. But since they are US citizens I think they can apply for some benefits.
Meanwhile can you start a gofundme? Even today morning I saw few gofundme posts in a local desi group.
I think atleast that would help them in someways.

KashmirFlower · Jan 21, 2021

So sorry about the loss.
The lady need help in getting a job, even small , she needs one,
Kids also can do part time
This is for monthly costs covering. So all the family well wishers should help in that direction also.

Rihana · Jan 21, 2021

About the GoFundMe fundraiser in such cases:
- If a close friend or relative starts the fundraiser, it should be with the full consent of the widow and the teen children. Someone should explain to the widow a bit more about the gofundme thing and help her decide if that is something she indeed wants. As a small example, she might be the fiercely proud kind and totally against it. Or, it might tick off the man's siblings and make them even less likely to support her. Then, there are the gofundme settings and permissions. The beneficiary cannot delete the fundraiser. Only the organizer can. Further, when a fundraiser is deleted, a summary version, the main image and the amount raised remains in place. For these to be deleted, gofundme has to be contacted. Source

- The message in the campaign usually includes some information about the family's financial status. Again, would the survivors want this to be made public? It also includes a picture of the family....

- The messages left by donors in the gofundme campaign page can help the grieving family or make them feel worse. Sympathetic words and/or money from strangers or "anonymous" can wreak havoc on a teen who has just lost his/her father.

Rihana · Jan 21, 2021

Hopikrishnan said: ↑

... I am tempted to tell you that TOO MANY PEOPLE fussing about the various things, but not offering organized help, could make the widow emotionally a lot worse off than just ONE someone who can be physically close to her, being of practical assistance in taking care of benefit-applications visits to banks, SSA office, and lawyer's office.
Click to expand...

This.

It applies in many situations. Most of us are not well equipped to help productively in such cases. Our focus naturally tends to go towards how we can feel less sad or disturbed about the event. How we can be of "some" use. Our need or desire to be of any which use can become a burden on the family.

MalStrom · Jan 21, 2021

I believe you can turn off comments for Go Fund Me. These pages often attract trolls so beware.

Caughtinbetween · Jan 21, 2021

thank you @MalStrom , @DDream , @Mistt , @chanchitra , @shravs3 ,@Rihana , @KashmirFlower ,@Minion ,@beingmom @Hopikrishnan .

gofund page has been set up already which is attracting some donations .

i spoke to her to clarify on few things . she is collecting all the documents which are at home also asked her to keep the w2's safely for tax filing. she does not have a debit card and does not know the pin for her H's debit cards. she would use credit cards plus cash.
not all of her credit cards are add-ons.

it seems the extended family/his siblings are coming together to help her in terms of getting the social security payments/food stamps/low cost health insurance setup ..also claiming 401k, life insurance, CD's , bank accounts.

they are also talking about buying a small home for them by relinquishing their ancestral income share.

their monthly expenses so far were around 6k usd roughly including rent+utilities+food+car insurance+kids coaching classes etc

she does not know about insurance money nor the social security benefits that she is eligible for.
currently because his siblings are coming forward to help her manage these things me and her other friend who is close by are on wait and watch mode . his extended family may get irate if they see outsiders interfering in their family affairs so right now i and her are waiting to see the settlement that can happen in the immediate future in next few weeks.

she has some idea that community colleges are less expensive but i will be slowly opening up those options to her . they never invested in funds/bonds ..they primarily saved in CD's in banks.

i will be researching low cost college options based on kids interests and other things as she feels the need while waiting to observe the help the extended family extends. i am just hoping that they help her all the way keeping aside family issues as they are more able to do it as they lived here for 40+ years and are well aware of the process.