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Looking For Suggestions

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Caughtinbetween, Jan 20, 2021.

  1. cgollhally

    cgollhally New IL'ite

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  2. cgollhally

    cgollhally New IL'ite

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  3. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    @Caughtinbetween It is very sad to know about your dearest friend's situation. I don't know any suggestions but hope for her extended family and friends help her to pass this the hardest phase in her life. May God gives her strength to cross all obstacles and show them right path.
    @Hopikrishnan sometimes some of your posts look silly and annoyed me . All your responses in this thread are very concerned and worth to follow/remember. Thanks for inputs.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2021
    SCA, Caughtinbetween and chanchitra like this.
  4. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Caughtinbetween likes this.
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very disheartening post. I have no much suggestions. But since they are US citizens I think they can apply for some benefits.
    Meanwhile can you start a gofundme? Even today morning I saw few gofundme posts in a local desi group.
    I think atleast that would help them in someways.
     
    Caughtinbetween likes this.
  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    So sorry about the loss.
    The lady need help in getting a job, even small , she needs one,
    Kids also can do part time
    This is for monthly costs covering. So all the family well wishers should help in that direction also.
     
    Caughtinbetween likes this.
  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    About the GoFundMe fundraiser in such cases:
    - If a close friend or relative starts the fundraiser, it should be with the full consent of the widow and the teen children. Someone should explain to the widow a bit more about the gofundme thing and help her decide if that is something she indeed wants. As a small example, she might be the fiercely proud kind and totally against it. Or, it might tick off the man's siblings and make them even less likely to support her. Then, there are the gofundme settings and permissions. The beneficiary cannot delete the fundraiser. Only the organizer can. Further, when a fundraiser is deleted, a summary version, the main image and the amount raised remains in place. For these to be deleted, gofundme has to be contacted. Source

    - The message in the campaign usually includes some information about the family's financial status. Again, would the survivors want this to be made public? It also includes a picture of the family....

    - The messages left by donors in the gofundme campaign page can help the grieving family or make them feel worse. Sympathetic words and/or money from strangers or "anonymous" can wreak havoc on a teen who has just lost his/her father.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    This.

    It applies in many situations. Most of us are not well equipped to help productively in such cases. Our focus naturally tends to go towards how we can feel less sad or disturbed about the event. How we can be of "some" use. Our need or desire to be of any which use can become a burden on the family.
     
    Caughtinbetween and Hopikrishnan like this.
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I believe you can turn off comments for Go Fund Me. These pages often attract trolls so beware.
     
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  10. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Finest Post Winner

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    thank you @MalStrom , @DDream , @Mistt , @chanchitra , @shravs3 ,@Rihana , @KashmirFlower ,@Minion ,@beingmom @Hopikrishnan .

    gofund page has been set up already which is attracting some donations .

    i spoke to her to clarify on few things . she is collecting all the documents which are at home also asked her to keep the w2's safely for tax filing. she does not have a debit card and does not know the pin for her H's debit cards. she would use credit cards plus cash.
    not all of her credit cards are add-ons.

    it seems the extended family/his siblings are coming together to help her in terms of getting the social security payments/food stamps/low cost health insurance setup ..also claiming 401k, life insurance, CD's , bank accounts.

    they are also talking about buying a small home for them by relinquishing their ancestral income share.

    their monthly expenses so far were around 6k usd roughly including rent+utilities+food+car insurance+kids coaching classes etc

    she does not know about insurance money nor the social security benefits that she is eligible for.
    currently because his siblings are coming forward to help her manage these things me and her other friend who is close by are on wait and watch mode . his extended family may get irate if they see outsiders interfering in their family affairs so right now i and her are waiting to see the settlement that can happen in the immediate future in next few weeks.

    she has some idea that community colleges are less expensive but i will be slowly opening up those options to her . they never invested in funds/bonds ..they primarily saved in CD's in banks.

    i will be researching low cost college options based on kids interests and other things as she feels the need while waiting to observe the help the extended family extends. i am just hoping that they help her all the way keeping aside family issues as they are more able to do it as they lived here for 40+ years and are well aware of the process.
     

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