Living your dreams through your child???

<o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <wunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <wontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]-->
This is one question that has been churning in my mind for sometime. With my daughter in 9^th, and being at the wrong place at the wrong/right place(God knows), has really messed up my thinking cap.:coffee

Well it all started with the 10^th and 12^th results this year. DH office colleagues, GM, all of them have kids in the 9^th – 12^th . so obviously with the results there was discussion about what each kid would/should join. One said whatever happens, I want my daughter to be a doctor, and I am willing to shell out as much for the same (the daughter is scared of blood, that is another story:spin). Another wanted his son to be an engineer, his argument, it being a professional course and since my daughter is already one, I want my son too….

At the same time, I see many parents pushing the kids into classes, like chess, drawing, tennis, cricket anything without wanting to understand what is happening or what the child is thinking (believe me, when you talk to your child you will be surprised at how clear he/she is about the classes and the efforts) When I sit back and think, most of the time, it is because the parent would have wanted to do those classes and could not have done it because of the lack of means or other reasons, and sometimes, it makes great discussion material for showing off at gatherings…:rant

In many classical music classes (this is one thing I frequently notice), you can find children who just come for the classes because the parents force them into it. What with the number of reality shows coming up, every parent wants their child to be a star, very few worry about the child and I don’t say it is wrong, only when the child is not very much into it…recently I came to know of a parent who wanted to put her 2 year girl in a dance classes..(I wonder if the child could walk properly…)

In the sports classes around the city, there are few kids who willingly go into the classes. All because their parents aspired to be a tennis player or a cricketer….(no wonder the new bournvita ad says you want your child to be a sania mirza…)

These days there are parents, who for want of the being in the lime light do not mind to put their children’s life in risk..take the example of the little boy skater from <st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Pondicherry</st1lace></st1:city> , who was made to skate in between moving vehicles for a name in records…

When I was part of the school choir, I used to long to attend music classes, but then, due to various reasons it never happened. Now, my children do learn music, but I do not force them to sing. I tell them learn it if you really want it and also enjoy. Luckily for me, my kids share my love for music.

I wanted to be a lawyer, ended up doing computers, now my daughter wants to do CA, and son wants to be geologist with specialization, in seismology…who knows when he will change his mind again. I support their wish and want the best for them.

When we push our kids to do something they are not passionate about, we are trying to dry them out or burn their potential even as they grow. No wonder we have many prodigies fizzing out in the very early stages.

We forget, we would have even mused, when I have my kid, I will be a better parent. Many a time, we try to compensate for not being able to spend quality time with the child by pushing them towards activities that the child hates. Remember, our ambitions for our child leads to stress in them. I do not remember the name but there was a parent who wanted his daughter to be the youngest pilot and she died living his dream.

Trying to get them what you were deprived in your childhood is not the best parenting technique.

After all education is not a means to living alone, it is a learning process. You cannot grow apples out of a orange tree, yes you grow the best apples from the apple tree, by nuturing it, guarding it from the worst enemies and allowing it to grow healthy and fruit bearing. In the same way, each child definitely has an inherent passion for something, by allowing and encouraging it we are helping our child to be a better person.


Swami Vivekanda said “Education is the manifestation of the perfection that is already there”

So the next time, we think, of asking our child to paint, draw, play, let us just stand back and analyse if it what the child likes or is it what we want..?

Let us understand and help in realizing the dream of our child, rather than trying to live our unfulfilled dream through them and who is stopping you from realizing your dreams now..learn singing, dancing or whatever even now..there is no age for learning ….:thumbsup

 

Viveka,

Nice to know people all think that we should not live our dreams through our kids. thanks for concurring on that it is never too late to realise our dreams.

Career guidances is something we need to do for our kids. there is a difference between guiding with options and forcing a course down the kids throat. I know a father who wanted to be a pilot but could not make it, now saving money and pressuring the kid to become one.

thanks for dropping in.

 

Padmam,

Nice to get a postive affirmative from a experienced mom. My heart goes out to all those kids, who lose their childhood and become puppets in the hands of ambitious parents.