1. U.S. Elementary Education : What Parents Need to Know
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Living in US but no friends yet..

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by aks_1985, Dec 14, 2009.

  1. aks_1985

    aks_1985 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi everyone,

    I am a regular visitor of this forum but after my son was born i have become bit irregular and have surrounded myself with loads of work and i am not able to make new friends i have a phobia inside myself that i cannot finish my work and make new friends ,when i take my son out i do talk to people but after which i dont get back to them and dont maintain a relation ship i feel they might judge me and might not be intrested in talking to me..so this situation is taking a toll in me i dont how to get back to my real self and start making some friends...please hep me in this situation
     
    Loading...

  2. srvaug

    srvaug Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Akshata,
    Please remember everyone have their own problems so no one judges you. If you ever come face to face with the people who judge you then they are not worthy of your friendship at all. :cheers
    Life is short make it useful is my mantra. :thumbsup
    Where are you from? btw. Just asking because if you live in a place like NJ or NY where there is large Indian community temple is a nice place to make friends.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. shree

    shree Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,594
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    hi akshatha,

    have u moved to naperville from your previous place????? did the second chicago meet happen in august???? i had been to India so could not visit the forum for a while....
     
  4. aks_1985

    aks_1985 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    hi shree yes i have moved to aurora and naperville junction...even i dont know bout the second meet because i was also busy from aug as i was learning to drive and something or the other came up ...so have to ask neetu...
     
  5. aks_1985

    aks_1985 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    hi Srvaug we live in chicago..i made some friends but i am not abe approach them again as i am scared thinking they might judge me...thank you for your reply
     
  6. Cutepavi

    Cutepavi Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi...

    Every one with a new born is surrounded by tonnes of work load.. That is absolutely normal... Do you worry that if you keep in touch with them then you would have invite them to your house and that they will judge you??? Then I would say you are wrong.... If a person has gone through your situation, then they would definitely not judge you... and if the person has not yet been there, Let them judge you now... They would eventually get there and later understand that they were BIG TALKERS!!!

    Go out and have fun... Take time out of those chores.. then you would not feel this pressure inside you... Talk to people...
     
  7. aks_1985

    aks_1985 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Pavi i absolutely dont have any problem calling anybody to my home but i am still in hi bye stage ...but by then i get stuck and cannot go further that stage..i dont know what to do.....
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    954
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female
    Akshatha

    Are the friends/acquaitances you have...do they have kids? if they dont, did you ask them or take their phone# or give your phone# for them to call. There is nothing wrong in telling them in a funny way that because of the new born you are still trying to catch up with chores and it would be nice if they call sometimes when they are free or if they can drop in when they get time!

    If they are also having kids, then it is great...you all can meet up during day time after the breakfast/lunch time is done...

    Also, I guess you have to start managing time more efficiently as your kid is growing up, and also that they would love to go outdoors (and this being winter season..) it may not be possible to go outdoors and if you have people coming over to your house, the kids would also love to see new faces or new people to play with.It would also help in kids mental growth, instead of the TV shows/cartoons/ always seeing mom :)

    They say , when there is a WILL there is a WAY...so if you realllly want friends, want to be around people, am sure you would figure out a way out of all this...because you are the best judge of what you can/cannot do...
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2009
  9. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    9,374
    Likes Received:
    9,953
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey Akshata, hope you are doing well and your little one as well. How old is he now? I am sure he is keeping you busy. Akshata, first of all take out the thought that people will judge you - I am sure everyone has their draw backs. I know with a little one it is not easy but a little bit of organisation goes a long way - when my first one was small what helped me most was waking up an hour early and finishing with cooking and a little bit of cleaning, having weekends for laundry when hubby is around. Also asking hubby to take the kids out for a couple of hours on the weekends so that I can catch up on work. Try these!

    As for socialising, play dates are a good way o have people over. If you are still hesitant, start off with inviting your husband's colleagues form work atleast once a month, then include other people and slowly your social circle will increase. Do take the initiative if calling back people - it will go a long way.

    Hope this helps.
     
  10. Sri09

    Sri09 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Akshata,

    I am in the same boat till 4 months back but now changed a lot. I have 13 month old daughter who keeps me busy all the time. I find only some time to call my mother or MIL. They are the only people I kept in contact. Rest of the friends, relatives I neglected. I found they felt bad and stopped calling me. Now, I am getting back to normal.

    Work and maintaining relations are different. As there are kids in home there will be work always. But everybody needs some recreation. Just divide your work into parts. Kitchen work, baby`s work, home cleaning and organizing, washing and drying clothes, shopping. Set a day for each of these chores. After I divided my work to days (with baby`s work everyday) I got some time to make calls, study, watch TV and interact with people. When your baby naps during day time do some work. Also, you can go shopping with your friend(s). Prepare some food and send to your friend. That helps to continue relations. Plan in advance and plan little work a day. Start with one friend initially and that chain grows.

    Sri
     

Share This Page