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Listening To Kid When She Talks

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Angela123, Feb 18, 2020.

  1. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    My kid is a moderate talker. She is very quiet when there are new people but is very popular with her age kids. She comes home and talk to me about her day. I try to listen to her most of the time, but then in between house chores and her activities we do not have a lot of time. She sleep around 8 or 8.30 and we have a 15 min reading or bonding time everyday. Lately I feel I can't listen to her. I was physically very tired last week because of DH traveling and doing everything myself, but I thought I am used to it. This last few weeks in general made me think that as soon as she hits the bed make her sleep and I wanted to be just alone. Then I feel guilty of not talking to her or not listen to her when she talks. Same when I am in office. I feel I should've spend an extra 5 mins talking to her but then when I do, I feel that I can't listen to her talk non stop. Don't know why this happening! Any advice? Did anyone deal with anything like this?
     
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  2. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    At some point we all go thru this phase.
    1)You can talk to her while walking back from school. If driving park in a far off place and talk till you reach car.
    2) Drop her school lil early 5 min ahead you can talk till gate opens. I see many parents do that.
    3) talk to her while having dinner.
    4) spend time on weekends go for small walk, shoppings.
    5) make a bonding time before sleep. Tell stories.
    Me time is most needed one. Don't be guilty
     
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    how old is your kid?
    My almost 7 year talks all the time, in the morning while getting ready to school also.
    Weekends afternoons are good times to bond I felt, as weekdays he goes after school till 5:30 or some times till 6:30 pm.
    But they talk when they remember and feel like telling, so trying to make some time after they come home, at dinner time, before sleep... what ever works. As this little kids grow fast cherishing and may be by asking some questions make it more fruitful, I mean to know who is friend, who is bothering in school bus, what he liked at school today etc stuff by you also asking questions...
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2020
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Always remember to go easy with the guilt. Least time devoted to it the better. We will always feel guilty but should train ourselves to snap out of it soon. I actually sometimes make a mental list of things I did/do right.
    As you must know, they will start to cut down on the talking as they grow older. The time you invest now in listening to the incessant chatter pays off later when they at least say a few things now and then.

    Try a multi-pronged approach. Cut down on household chores in weekday evenings. Try to have her around and involve her in the chores. Or, she can sit at the kitchen table with her toys, story books, homework, art work. Conversation can happen along with many chores. Heck.. moms even have to talk and issue instructions from the bathroom often. : ) And, lastly, try pushing back her sleep time a bit. Though of course, as you say later, at bedtime you only wish they fall asleep asap.

    No matter how smooth your household runs, being the only parent available between 6pm to sleep time can be exhausting. One way out is to cut down on household chores done in the evenings. Also, depending on your husband's timezone when he is traveling, he can do some Facetime or video call with her while you get some chores done.

    As Vedhavalli suggested, an extra 5-7 minutes before school drop-off can be quality time that is close to 100% quality. If you drop by car, just you and her in the parked car before she gets out and walks is a solid bonding time. But this will need discipline. Who wants to be 5 minutes early in the morning!
    It doesn't stop. : ) I am on the brink of becoming an empty-nester, and sometimes I wish I didn't have to invest so much time in talking to my teen. It can feel draining though I wouldn't exchange it for anything. Some of the conversations are so pointless and endless discussion of random past events: who did what,, what wrong I did, how mean I am, ... but, if not for that, I wouldn't get to hear the stuff I need to know. It was during one such annoying and irritating talk that he suddenly talked about a well-know you-tuber who had committed suicide.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2020
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  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the replies. I will try to implement one or two things and see how it goes.

    I can already see this. This is what increased my anxiety.


    My chores are limited to eating food, prep for the next day and doing the dishes as I dont cook on weekdays. Part of lack of time is due her activities. She has activities on monday and wednesday from 5-8 and Thursday she has another activity (6.30-7.30) so she gets back at 7.45, so a good amount of time is gone just like that. By the time she gets back, she is tired and ready to go to bed. We do have weekends mostly free and stay home, and we play games or do something together. But this is much lesser than the time we used to have. I will try pushing back the bed time.

    Lately, she takes bath on her own and do her things mostly on her own, but she is very slow, I think this is what eating up all our time. In the morning she wakes up and will be in the bathroom for 45 mins!! I don't rush her if we are not pressed for time because I am afraid she might hate doing things on her own, but then it cuts into out bonding time - we used to eat breakfast together, now I will eat first and wait for her packing lunch or doing something while she gets ready and come down. She takes long showers and she just stands and plays and it never ends if I don't tell her to stop.
     
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  6. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for the reply.

    Mine is 8. She comes home at 5 3 days a week. When I pick her up, she likes to listen to the radio in the car, so she wont let me talk. Our together time was mostly during meal times or when she plays. Lately her schedule has been busy and I have a hard time finding a bonding time.



    This is what I probably have to try. She goes to before care at school since I have to be at work early (7 on 2 days a week and 7.30 on other 3 days). Most of the days we rush to school because we are always late.In the evenings, her gymnastics practice starts at 5, so I rush back again from office at 4, getting her dinner and pick her up from school and she eats in the car.

    I am up around 5.30 ish everyday I just dont have the heart to wake her up that early. So she gets up around 6, but since she is slow it just so difficult to make her get ready in the morning. This is mostly my management issue, I just dont know what approach to try anymore.

    We do have all weekends free because she doesnt have any activities. But lately I feel it is not enough.
     
  7. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    She doesn't like house chores. She will do it, but never enjoys, and complains. I tried to assign some low risk chores and she gave up after 2 days.
     
  8. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    1) Can her activities be immediately after her school instead of late evening? Most of the "after school programs" pick kids from their school and you can pick kid in the evening. When you are in office these activities will be taken care and you have more time in the evening.

    2) Hire cleaning help and some cooking help if not done already to keep more time for your self and kid.

    3) Some everyday checklist (where kid is doing all his basic stuff like cleaning room, respecting parents and teachers, doing home work etc,) is given by my kid martial art class, they consider this sheet, at their testing time and giving trophy, which forces kid to complete items from the checklist. you can say kid behaved poor, good, excellent etc rating.
    May be you can try something like that at home or with help of some of the teachers from her activities...
    I take outside help also to discuss if anywhere they can help, it adds some value on top of our efforts.
    I mean to say... Checklist over all helps in discipline and doing some things even though they don't like and doing on time,
    I heard from quite few moms, take long time to get ready including mine, i have to keep reminding 3 min left for shower etc...
     
  9. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Her school ends at 4pm. She attends after school at school. I pick her up from there around 4.45 on Mondays and Wednesdays. She has gymnastics practice from 5-8 on both days. It is in a different facility where I have to drive her. She loves it so I don't want to stop it.

    yes, I will hire help for cleaning the house. That is extra few hrs that I will get with the kid.

    This is a great idea. I used to do something like this when she believed in Santa, a point system to make sure santa brings toys. It is time to put together a checklist like this.

    This is my other full time job. Keep reminding the everyday things that she needs to do. 5 more mins to finish dinner, get out of shower, clean up...the list never ends!!
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    When I read the thread title and the first post, I thought your DD was trying to talk more, wanted to talk more, and you were unable to give her enough time and attention.

    After reading your further descriptions, I would say you are doing your best and that is what matters. Try a few small things to increase the time and bonding for your satisfaction, but, even as things are it is fine.
     
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