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Life Going Back To Square One

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by preeti6years, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    I second Baby - led weaning . Your LO must atleast 9 months old now . I did the same mistake of feeding soft Khichdi, mashed food etc . As a result , my kid refused to eat any substantial solids till very recently. I wish I had introduced baby friendly solid foods since the beginning . When ever you get back from work, put a few things like sliced bananas , small apple slices , cheese bits , plain boiled rice in front of her . Let her explore . There isn't much you can do during the office hours but be consistent about it when home .
     
  2. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Deborah
    Yes I try to give different food when at home. But I am not able to fully follow as these people will be behind me to give her ultra soft mashed food. She eats chunks of fruits when given. So I am in a kind of constrained environment. Even then I try to feed her with my choice of food most of the times.
    Now that milk insufficient taunt is stopped after the big show down.
     
  3. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    I understand what you are saying. Just do as much as you can.Don't worry too much as long as your LO is doing good health wise , gaining weight etc.
    I am myself sick of the things in laws say. I tried to think from a neutral POV about our own parents and in laws. Although parents sometimes say similar things too but it's easier to rationalize with them and every discussion is not perceived as insult by them. However, it's a totally different story when it comes to in laws. I have heard all kinds of non- sensical things - " don't make the child cry ? " ( why would a mother make her kid cry ?) . I mean ,were these people ever parents themselves ? And it's very seldom that husbands come to the rescue of the wife.
     
  4. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I understand your pain. Usually, in the first year of a child's life we moms get a lot of free and unwanted (sometimes even dangerous) advice from all and sundry. I agree with a PP that milk supply is a common tool used to make the mother feel insecure.

    First off, you need to accept that if you are leaving the baby in MILs care for whatever reason, she is going to be involved in all decision making, big or small. It is also not fair or practical to expect any other person to take care of the baby exactly the way you would do so. I know that you understand this, but you need to also accept that this arrangement might lead to small issues and misunderstandings which could potentially blow up into big fights like what happened.

    If you do not want to deal with this, it is better to leave the baby with your mom or a nanny, or take a sabbatical from work till the baby is old enough to go to preschool. (I'm not aware of your background or other issues, this is just my pov)

    Women who have raised kids tend to have strong opinions about what will work and what won't. This gets worse if the woman in question is an mil with a not so peachy relationship with her DIL.

    You need to focus on 2 things here-your baby's well-being and your relationship with PILs and husband. Both have to be balanced well. Your baby will grow up faster than you think and in retrospect, some of these current issues may seem small but the damage caused to the relationship and resentment, especially with H, will be there. IMO it is best to look for another arrangement for the baby so that you are less stressed.
     
    SunPa likes this.
  5. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Hi @sheztheone ,
    Perhaps you have missed me mentioning that there is a caretaker for dd. Its just that MIL feeds my dd. Nothing else is done by her. And I do not expect anything from her considering her age. Its just that they are creating their own drama.
    My relationship with MIL has is already strained years back. I have tried for the betterment of this relationship again and again. But I ended always being abused emotionally. That is when I have made up my mind to not to be a door mat any and enough is enough. And yes this feeling has strengthened in me after the delivery.
    Not only this there are other issues where she treats me very badly, but i dont care anymore.

    As I have already mentioned earlier its with the gratitude that she is "just monitoring" my dd in my absence, I am ignoring all the nonsense at home.
    And coming to career I have almost dumped my career because of these people. Its only now that I have strongly stepped in again for a betterment at job.
     
  6. MadhuVenkat

    MadhuVenkat New IL'ite

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    Hi hope u r ok now. I can very well understand your situation. I think lot of people undergo similar situations. But the damaged caused is permanent. concentrate on your baby, DH and work. For it is very important to be independent these days. Independent women are equally treated like trash. Be grateful that u r away from her for sometime, which will help you take your mind off these issues. Eventually everything will fall in place. just IGNORE and dont care abt her.
     

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