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Letting it Be

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Letting It Be <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />



    When we Marry,we try to mould the partner to our way.As it is, the wife has to make so many adjustments.She shifts to her husbands home,leaving her parents and family behind with whom she's lived all her life,and then she changes her identity totally.Her first name is chosen by the Pandit,the second is her husbands,replacing the father's,and then her husbands surname.


    And on top of it, when making a passport,she has to put an advertisment in the papers, that now my new name is so and so.How traumatic it must be initially for the wife.And then living with a new man,and maybe with his parents and brothers and sisters,the first few months must be very very traumatic for her.


    The formula for a successful marriage,I feel, is letting the other be.Let the husband understand that she will always love her mother more than his mother ,and that the husband will love his mother more than his wife's mother.The logic is simple.They knew their parents before they even met each other.So let each be.


    The comes the eating habits.One may be a Veg,the other Non veg.In my case, my wife was a strict Veg(no eggs in cakes,choclates,jelly,even Kraft Cheese is taboo,because it contains Rennet), and I a pure Nonveg.Initially we used to have a lot of problems, not that I ever forced her to eat,but she wouldnt cook,or touch or clean the non veg.We still have seperate Cookers,frypans,spoons.And she will put the salt or black pepper on my eggs,not wanting me to touch them with my non veg hands.


    She is deeply religious, does mediatation and follows a religous Guru,and I dont do any.But we both Let it be.Seeing her happy ,makes me very happy.So if Satsang,and being a Veg makes her happy so be it.And She too lets me be.She cooks at times Non Veg for me,when the maids are absent,and she serves the meals without cribbing.These are very small things,but grounds for a big fight everyday.But we soon realised,Let the other be.


    Why force the spouse to change to your ways.Why have a carbon copy?Why not be two individual beings,with different likes and dislkes, and agree to disagree.And why have ego in a marriage.If she happens to earn more than you, fine.Be happy for her.If he has a big friend circle,and many you dont like, so be it.Smile at the parties,and be glad your husband is popular among friends.


    For a happy contented life, we dont have to to force our partner to think and act like us.We just have to Let It Be.


    KAMAL MAHTANI

     
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  2. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes Kamal, I agree with you. Now to let it be, you should ALSO LOVE YOUR LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY, no egos, no hassels, this helps all of us to lead a happy life......
     
  3. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Malspie,

    Thank u so much for the first comment to come .Yes agreed with what u say, that even love has to be unconditional.Regards.kamal
     
  4. Tulasi

    Tulasi Silver IL'ite

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    It's so true kamaliji..My husband is just like this. He just let me my self and encourages me to do what interests me, guides me, doesn't compel me to do anything which I don't like..He feels more happier when Iam happy...
    same with me too..I like the way you write all real life facts..
    Tulasi
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2007
  5. Sindhuja

    Sindhuja Silver IL'ite

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    Well said, Kamalji! My husband and I do not control each other. But if there is good in my way, my husband follows it and vice versa.
    Thanks for sharing your write-up.
     
  6. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Tulasiji,

    Sindhujaji,

    Thank u both for yr kind comments.My wife has gone to Satsang,she goes every Sunday and Thursday, and her i am doing my Satsang on Indus.:-(

    Regards.kamal
     
  7. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear kamalji,
    12 years is a big time and i dont remember any, and this advice seem coming too late for me, i dont even remember what all adjustment i had to do, as it was all the way only adjustments from me....hahahah sunkan
     
  8. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji
    I'll ask my wife to read this post of yours though it is rather late in the day! But seriously, when it comes to buying peace, nothing works like agreeing with everything. Is that what you mean by Letting it be?
    Sri
     
  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Sri, what i mean is, that what she may do i may not like,but if it gives her happiness, its ok with me.

    I dont like to force my views on her,and i donmt want her to force hers on me.

    So we let each other do what we want.Well in away yes as u say.why quarrel.We have enough worries as it is.:-(

    Thanks for yr kind visit again,Sri.You made my day.Now i will go and have an extra drink bcs u have visited and graced my blogs.Thanks sir.Regards.kamal
     
  10. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    And remember to have that extra drink on me! We'll settle the bill when we meet a few months down the line!
    Sri
     

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