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Lets Talk Bout Residue Feelings.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mahathibhaskar, Apr 5, 2022.

  1. mahathibhaskar

    mahathibhaskar Senior IL'ite

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    Hello wonderful ladies out there.May be we are a bit more wiser and more matured now....But there was a time where we were really naive and have absolutely no idea about all these in'laws politics....dramas...tantrums.. But we tried very hard to just fit in...we almost kept a smiling face though we're right down burning with pain and sorrow ..just for fitting in and just for approval ...or acceptance. Eventually we learnt a very hard lesson/had realized/ in a irony...that its never there....that this is not worthy at all...its never us....or its never of any use...and we quit...we leanrt forget and forgive not for others but to our own sanity. we are definitely not the person we are 5 years back...and definitely not the person when we were married....may be 5 ...10 years back.we accepted what is what...But, there is some residue which is lingering around till now.....some times more often...that we were taken advantage of,,,that we were violated....we were hushed off mercilessly. so iam not asking about wife and husband relationship here...thats saved for a different day ...place and time. tell me one thing with in laws..which you get the residue feeling about any one situation.
     
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  2. mahathibhaskar

    mahathibhaskar Senior IL'ite

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    again sorry for the spelling and grammatical mistakes...typing from a broken laptop.
     
  3. mahathibhaskar

    mahathibhaskar Senior IL'ite

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    I will go first..I was married soon after my
     
  4. mahathibhaskar

    mahathibhaskar Senior IL'ite

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    I will go first. When I was married, I was straight out of college unaware of anykind of dramas and tantrums. I was very studious, so studies,,,helping my mother and working to pay my graduation tuition.Thats all I know. I was very naive and very innocent. My upbringing also added to it...as my mother never let me go out to any relatives house without her...and never let me listen to adult issues while all her sisters discussing them...It was a rather strict environment for me since she was a single parent.

    Then I was married to one of the best guys ever. But my Mil and Sil's are wicked to the core. Age gap between me and them was huge. And from day one they compared me with them and belittled me indirectly. But they were very close to each other like a party even till now they are. They share a splecial bond with each other.Mil used to tell me that I was like her daughter and Sil's used to say that I was like their sister. I believed them and let my guard down.

    I wanted to be one of them.Since I have no sisters. I want to be treated like one of them, They used to be good on my face sometimes but used to be very bad on my back. I used to believe them....what a fool I am. they used to bully me and they used to taunt me very badly but I used not to understand it in the begining. But when started to understand...I used to get hurt badly. They have this skill of first bully me and talk good to me later. I used to get confused, gets hurt...but still used to keep a happy face for them.

    I can call me naive....but you can call ne coward and spineless for not standing up for my self....Everything is fine untill i was silent...i used to suffer ....i never used to share this to husband....i dont know why...I think I am scared...what an idiot i was...I used to get hurt but used to invest in them emotionally hoping they would at one point treat me well.....pathetic. something happened which actually hurted one of the Sil..somebody blamed me for that...Everything changed.....I thought they would give me atleast benefit of doubt if not believe my story since they know me for 13 long years...But no....they blamed me for everything....i atleast thought my Mil would understand me.....but no.....she added ghee to the fire....and I was cornered...Then my husband came .....supported me saved me. I was miserable because they stopped talking to me...they all united and they tried their best to change my husband's view on me...but no he never budjed .....he was there for me.

    This happened three years back....though I felt bad...slowly I sarted to feel good....because I was free now...I need not seek acceptance or approval anymore...I am confident now....I learnt I am a better person without them. i invested in so many useful things now, I am literally happy. but now after three years they started to talk to me as if nothing happened....But no I am not giving this time...I dont want to do anything with them now.

    I feel good now but often when i get those memories...I feel like why I was spinless then....why I didnt stand up for myself...why I was so weak...What was stopping me at that time....Why I was scared ....about what?
     
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  5. AditiShining

    AditiShining Bronze IL'ite

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    My MIL wanted me to press her legs almost everyday after I had pressed them once. She would just call my name and show me her legs. Then I would bring oil and massage her legs like a maid. I'm a working woman myself. Once I tried to skip her massage because I was tired from work. She shouted at me "we have given you permission to work it doesn't mean you wouldn't perform your DIL duties. Massage right away" I had to apologize and massage her legs.

    I found a maid to massage her legs but initially MIL was not satisfied with how she massaged her legs. So I sat down with the maid took her one leg my lap and gave another leg to maid's lap and taught her by showing how MIL likes her legs massaged. MIL was sitting like a queen when two of her "maids" massaged her leg each. I slowly stopped massaging her legs with maid. But still kept sitting with maid on ground so MIL doesn't say her DIL doesn't do sewa of her enough. Now I stopped doing that too as maid learnt to please my MIL!
     
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  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Aditi I'm curious to know whether your husband massages his MIL's legs? Does he do Sewa for your mother/father .Just curious!
     
  7. mahathibhaskar

    mahathibhaskar Senior IL'ite

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    some times I feel that they do it on purpose. They want to test our patience. how long we will take it and what happens if we didnt take it anymore and what we do at that time. Seva by messaging legs it seems. Seva..Huh
     
  8. mahathibhaskar

    mahathibhaskar Senior IL'ite

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    Sorry but...:laughing:
     
  9. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    I think self care is very important.
    We need to learn to be happy on our own. Not depend on husband for happiness.

    I have lots of bad memories that wasted 15 years of my life.
    Our Indian culture kind of teaches us to idolize the husband which many take advantage.

    I am now doing facials/massages to relax me. Have friends to chat and go out with.
     
  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Why would he.
    Isn't the son in law a king
    And dil a slave?
    Lol
     
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