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Lets share our feelings - Season 5

Discussion in 'Infants' started by Traveller, May 13, 2010.

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  1. charuchitthra

    charuchitthra Bronze IL'ite

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    Oh latha dearie,

    Hugs. The menfolk dont understand all the things we do and all we want is jus a lil empathy and appreciation at times. I wish i lived close by to give u a chai and lil company to amke u feel better. Since i cant take my virtual hugs .

    I cant say it ll get better for this. hang in there and one day all the loved ones in our life ll realise how much we did for them and how much we loved them. Till then all we can ahve is hugs and some chai to make the day bearable.

    Love,
    Cc
     
  2. charuchitthra

    charuchitthra Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Nitha, for the prompt response. I dint know we can make cookie and cake dough in fp . Will it work for teh icing as well where tehy ask to beat for soetime in some speed? It doesnt ve to work like mixer but can fp be substituted in place of a beater or mixer for these kind of functions? Please clarify and excuse my too many questions.

    Regards,
    CC
     
  3. Vinu4me

    Vinu4me Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Girls!!!

    How are you all? I am ok. Going through plenty of ups and downs. I am yet to read all your posts.... I knw there will be lots after a month, but i hope to catch up with atleast a couple of pages to know whats happening.

    So, my downs first (which is more).... I had to quit my teaching job cos my mom fell sick and is unable to take care of Vinu.... DH is not in favor of day care... so ended up that i had to quit. I really enjoyed the job, maybe the first time that I really liked somehting so much... so much that I even dream about it when I sleep. I am again at home caught up in the things that I so much wanted to get away from. Only reason that keeps me going is Vinu. She was not taking me going to work easy.. she used to get up at nights, look at me for a couple of seconds and then climb onto me and sleep. She now sleeps comfortably. One mre reason why DH would not let me got ot wrk.... I fell sick... had a indigestion problem, vomiting and diarhoea... by the end of the day my fingers and toes were curling by themselves and I had absolutely no control on it. I had to be hospitalised... got some drips and pills and then was normal.. but in the meantime I had cried, wailed and was scared to hell. The hospital people did not say why it happened. But, some of mom's friends (nurses and docs) called in an electrolyte imbalance, oters said deficiency of salts.... all in all I was scared like hell and still am. Vinu too understood that something was not right and was crying badly. She refused to go away from me, from the hospital.... I was back home that night itself and was drowsy for the next 3 days... kept sleeping all the while.

    Ups - I am in the process of learning car driving. Actually, I started learning it so that we could buy a car and that I could drive to work with VInu (dropping her enroute at my parents place) rather than doing it on a 2 wheeler. I stopped going for the classes eve since I fell sick. Looking for some part-time jobs now for which I can work from home. I have found somehig but don't know how it will work. My bday was on tuesday... went like any other day... just that we went for a dinner that night and DH got me a watch. Nothing special otherwise about the day. we have not been out for lunch/dinners since Vinu was born... maybe once or twice thats all.... so it felt good. I am in general a foodie and like to try out new stuff, but I decided to take it slow that day and had a very light/normal dinner given that I had an indgestion just the week before. I was worried about how Vinu would behave, but she was better than I thought. She was naughty, but, I had imagined the worst. She did not eat well, but enjoyed the veges in the soup, so got her more of these veges and kept her occupied with it. towards the end she got off the seat and was walking around just our table... I was ok with it. i do hope that she starts to enjoy dinners so that I can go out atleast once in 2 months for a dinner.

    Regards,
    P

    Down - I am mostly in my room given that Vinu is either sleeping or I am cooking. I don't go down much except in the evning and for an hour or two in the morning. My MIL is making a big face for the past couple of days. I don't know if this is the reason or if there is more. She has already spoken to my eldest BIL. Don't know when things are going to blow up. I feel so uncomfortable when people don't respond to a conversation naturally and don't feel like conversing with them. So, ladies I am totally upset and dejected with the way thinsg are going. I told DH to put Vinu in some playchool. But, he does not want to do it until Vijayadasami (which falls in October).

    I had no internet for a month. Now, I have a BSNL connection. I liked going to work.... teaching a subject I love, making friends, seeing new people, using my brain rather than sit with nothing at home. I feel useless now. All these days, I tried not to think about it.. but now coming her I just feel like pouring out wht I feel like.... so much that I feel like crying. DH had told me to take a break for the next 2 or 3 years until Vinu starts full day school. Actually, both of us are not comforatbale about leaving her at a day care. I am confused.
     
  4. sumanr

    sumanr Silver IL'ite

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    Padu dear - Many many happy returns of the days and may all you wish for come true ! ...esp. goiong to your mom's place. Give some time and thought, talk to MIL, it is sometimes better if we confront it directly than relying on others.
    CC - Hope things get better after the h2h. For now, try to follow your signature ....99% is how we react !!
    V - Road trip to where ???
    Nitha - Thanks for ordering patience, I did receive some last night. For some reason, what I had stocked got over by the time I turned 30 !!
    Latha - I know how it is. Yes, it is a bit too much not to recieve empathy, but just relac and hang in there. They are our kids. Forget about DH. Men are sometimes like that. And you make a great mom .... I cannot manage half of what you do.
    Uma - Hugs is all I can say. Atleast in my case, though DH doesn't say anything to them, he agrees with me when they mae mistakes and he does show is anger on them.
    - First - Do not make your relationship with DH dependent on MIL. Just leave it. You know him and he knows you after so many years so ideally whatever she says in 1-2 months should not matter. Just relax and spend your vacation.
    - Second - Though I really did not understand why you should not be there when she arrives, since you are taking it easy, just focus on your kid and the time at mom's.
    Aishu - Sippy cup was a flop for me also, but cups are working better for me. With time you can move on to cups/tumblers from spoons.
     
  5. Vinu4me

    Vinu4me Senior IL'ite

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    Hey girls,

    Just reading some posts here and I found soem discussions on the way paeds handle kids. My pedi isvery patient with me and all the questions i have. The other day, about 2 weeks back, Vinu was crying very badly because of constipation pain. I tried to use a suppositroy as my pedi recommended but sould not as the stool was there at the mouth of the anus and the anus itslef was stretched and I could not push the suppositoru in. I rushed her to a hospital near my place (not my pedi as her clinic is rather far off). The nurse at the emergency pushed the suppositry in and then Vinu passed motion after sometime. I justd eiced to consult the pedi there.

    Instead of gicing me a solution to the problem, he teaching me how i should make Vinu behave well and was telling her" ai, quiet", I hated it and wanted to punch him.. honestly!! Even if a child behaves badly he should either ignore it, or distract her or even try to control her in a diff manner. I came out feeling like a bad mom with the most ill mannered and ill behaved child in the world. I felt embarassed and ashamed. it took me some days before I could pull myself together. I know my daughter is adamant. But, I do not give in to her adamance unless and until it is valid and I misunderstood her. I distract her and show her somehting else. Sometimes, she gets angry, lies on the floor, hits me and even tries to bite me. But all she gets is a firm no.. she is yet to be 2 and I know manners will take sometime to come. I am not too happy about her behavior either. But, a pedi not addressing the problem at hand and giiving me other gyaan... please!!!!

    Tell me if I am right or wrong ladies. What else should I do to make Vinu behave better. Soemtimes, she asks for chocs when we go to shop (which is daily). I do not get it for her daily, but do get it once in a while. She gets angry in the shop itself and soemtimes even asks the shop owner directly for chocs. Sometimes, I come home and give her chocs that I have in the frdige. What else can/should I do?

    Regards,
    P
     
  6. prana

    prana IL Hall of Fame

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    Sure V, we meet outside one day.I really liked to see A.
     
  7. shrukri

    shrukri New IL'ite

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    Latha thanks for what you have written.....What ur bro says is 100% right, somehow I'm learning it now, no use proving things, even if it's wrong it has to be accepted.Keeping quiet does help, i've tried to control, but explode if i keep it within me....My Dh too is exactly the same, he never utters a word if he's irritated.....He has been under pressure these 2 yrs, not shown it on me at all, he too says not to talk/talk about so & so......I'm not that type at all, as u say mine too is very sure that i can't keep quiet, so i'll try to follow that..........Relieving stress is also imp as u say n sure will try what u said...i can't show it on the kids too.....
    Oh Latha reg the key thing i can understand how it is......But don't feel bad as he wouldn't have meant it....He sure values how hard u've been struggling to take care of the kids etc, etc....It's just the mood for the day n he would have been rude, ignore for now, he'll understand u're hurt...
    Nitha thanks for that...it reached me too, i've kept very quiet n patient with what DH has to say...As usual reg MIL like she's so sick n she can eat only 1/4 biscuit and 1/4 cup of coffee.....again her sick drama......I just controlled myself n it works......:thumbsup
    Girls i'm cheerful today...not sure if this is the reason.....There's an offer at my prev place n asking me if i would like to join....Though i would love to.....lots are stopping me...MY lil girl, no no heart to leave her....handinig over her to MIL and Maid.....a big NO, cancelling my trip.....DH insists I shld not start as 2 kids need me the most not....He's asking me to take a break....I too feel it's right...Feel like calling straight away n saying NO, but will wait:hide:
    Ramya I agree with u, our bonding is pretty good, I shldn't be scared....
    Reg my case DH will straight away support me, n argure with his sis...but with MIL he's...nothing to say. He very well know what she does is wrong, but I shld not even react(i don't argue or even refuse what she says, i just have a gloomy face)Dh says i can't even do that, AM i super natural or yogi or something to just forgive or stay calm when things r wrong.....
    Sometimes he'll agree what MIL did is wrong...i leave.. i know nothing can be done, but when he doesn't agree i can't accept i boil........
    Then there's no rule that i shld leave, it's just situation, I've been looking for a full time maid...found nothing till now to my expectation...part-time maid is not turning up, Dh's work pressure will end in AUg.....But he feels i need a break....I've been taking care of the kids all alone with no break from the day my mom left till now, if mil arrives she'll just do a bit, n things will be worse.....I too felt i need a break, atleast good sleep........I'm thinking of the moment i'll handover both kids n sleep peacefully at home for atleast 3 hrs with no interruption..........Ok i stop here...
    Ramya hope things r better for u.....
    Padmini happy B'day......May all ur wish come true......
    CC hope u too get out of all this soon.....
    V ENJOY!
    DD1 is down with vomitting n fever...Paed says it's viral...She probably got it from the School hmmmm nothing can be done...
    DD2 keeps playing till midnight these days......though i loose sleep it's gr8 to watch her....Last night DH switched off all lights, just kept flashing his Mob, DD was trying to grab it with her fingers n playing moving her fingers pulling the blanket, grabbing DH's hands, it was too cute to watch, those baby moments.....I cry while I type this...it's going to fly off soon......Most precious moments......
    Yesterday life was so tough....today it's so beautiful......vow i love this change n hope today remains.....:)
    Take care all
     
  8. shrukri

    shrukri New IL'ite

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    Vinu4me.....Hugs! Kids r tough n Paed behaving like that does bring more irritation n guilt........
    Now it's tough for a kid to behave well, when she's feeling uncomfortable n painful.......it's OK n u don't have to be guilty.....
    Reg behavior I'm not sure what u mean.....but don't have this thought she's only 1 or 6 months to behave, I mean if u have this thought u might not be firm n give in...JMO.......
    Reg choc...try to tell her b4 u leave for shopping if u'll buy a choc or not.....they'll understand...With DD from the time she started asking for choc what we do is b4 we leave we tell her Today we'll buy her or not...On days that we don't buy, if she brings a packet of choc we just ask her to put back(tough really)n tell her "I had already mentioned I'll not buy a choc today", she'll feel a lil gloomy, but she'll be ok.......It's the same with even biscuits...I buy goodies n stock, but never give her a chance to pick all goodies she wants n pay.....We also insist it's just 1, sometimes she picks a lot of choc...Even ur child is too young u still can try telling her....so they don't expect they'll get choc when they go shopping.......
    I do the same with toys as well, i tell her whether i'm going to buy or not so she know what to expect.........
    Take it easy kids will learn.......
     
  9. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    girls,

    i'm still carrying over y'day's bitter feelings. i don't like it but can't help it either:( i don't know what it is.. now i understand it's just not PMS mood swings. there's a deeper issue... may be lack of rest, lack of a clear communication with DH and 2 active kids that's not letting me think clearly. trouble is, as DH himself says these days, even if i go to mom's home i don't get rest. that's true. may be i should just accept that life with 2 small children is like this only and wait patiently for the day they get busy with school, home work etc., i didn't speak to DS and DH this morning. me and kids got up late yet i managed to drop him off for the zoo trip. i usually make pancakes when they go on trips but today i made a cheese sandwich. i may sound silly (as DH always claims) but i want DS to know that mommy didn't clearly like the way he behaves.

    when we have guests or perhaps even on daily basis he's too adamant. like he doesn't listen to anything.. simple things like washing hands, emptying the sand in his shoes in the corridor etc., these things drives me nuts. when i saw the other 2 children i realise my children are giving me a hard time. i'm going to be like water on lotus leaf and see if people treat me properly then. when i'm genuine and be nice i get brickbats only. okay i'll not rant anymore... i'm overflowing with negative energy and i'll regret what i complain here later:(

    CC,

    thank you CC. i'm having ginger masala tea and i'll toast in your name:) CC to some extent we also have the same issues -spending money on extended family. it's not that bad but yet to a hurtful extent. i've stopped interfering. if i talk about buying things for his extended family i'm reminded how much pantry is full etc., etc., changing your home - look at it this way.. may be a change in home will bring in better luck. if you believe in such things. what to say CC my heart is sometimes so wounded i also realise i'm wasting my energy and vigour worrying about all these useless people.

    Poornima,

    come over here, speak your heart out and cry. it doesn't help at all if you hold up your emotions. i'm so sorry.. hugs.. i'm sure life has beautiful things in store for you. this is just a small hurdle. take care of your health Poornima. i assume it's the stress with your previous job, the stress at home that has taken a toll on you. try telling yourself it's no use worrying about your MIL and her issues. if you have made effort to bring peace and the other party is not willing to cooperate there isn't much you can do.

    on Vinu - she's like my boy. i don't know if they are born like that or the situation at home makes them behave that way. i've now learnt not to worry about others' comments. they don't know what it is to be in your shoes. there are days when i regret having a son like this... honestly. but then i remind myself that our children aren't bad.. you know what i mean. it's just that they're a bit tough to crack. give them love and they know that. if the paed can't understand it's his/her problem. what more can you expect of a 2 yr old who can barely express herself.

    Uma,

    i think i didn't clearly understand your question. yes i do get wild, mad when DH supports his family's weird expectations/behaviour. over the years i have come to a conclusion that his thinking can't be changed. he feels greatly obligated to them, which is fine from a son's point of view. i think we become hard over years and with experience. i hate to become like one but may be that's what life is all about. these days i don't get that hurt when he says his parents are like that and i've to adjust. i go about doing only what i think is right.

    i'm going to iron. my fav job when i'm low. the steam, freshly pressed clothes does lift my soul at times:)

    Uma,

    oopss... i have only a hand-held electric whisk with dough kneader attachment. recently i decided to look out for a food processor and got confused. i was close to buying a stand-alone mixer that is used only to beat batters and knead dough (kitchen aid) but then i thought may be it's for every-day bakers. also i don't have any space in my kitchen for that kind of machine. then i had a look at food processors that also mince veggies. if the cost is the same then may be it's wise to go for a fp which does everything. Chithramma uses her FP to knead dough, grind for vadai etc.,

    Nitha,

    yes greek yogurt will be perfect. i made that yogurt at home for shrikand but it didn't work that well this time. so used it up for the marinade:) even on a hot day the yogurt doesn't set as it does in india. may be it's the humidity that invites those microbes.
     
  10. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    girls,

    came to share life's simple pleasures with you...

    remember i said DD fell down when DH and friends went on a trip to legoland? today i receive a little packet addressed to DD. in it a cutely written letter that feels sorry that DD hurt herself and a personalised key chain with DD's name inscribed on a lego block. i'm so touched. a nice marketing but also very very cute...

    another small thing - y'day i washed bed spreads and hung them to dry in sun. wow!!!! it's so neat needs no ironing. i told you the dryer is what wastes my time:(
     
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