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Lazy Irresponsible Brother & Supportive Parents

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Reesha, Oct 30, 2023.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    I and my brother are totally opposite in nature. My working parents had both of us only. Basically, my parents are hard work and they did their best as per their family history & circumstances to our child hoods. Ours is very middle class family, so i fought for my life & settled as software engineer with our best home in city. Coming from small town which is having religious & social constraints on girls, that too from parents who think small teaching job is enough for girl / being home make is enough. They never valued my dreams & they never prioritized much. Every where i have to fight or convince them for resources until my post graduations. Finally, i married a metro settled guy just to sake of escaping from constrained family environment & that's where my career & little bit happy journey started after marriage.

    I used to do hard work & responsible every time & every where. My parents are proud to take my success into account in my home town & they used to tell about their parenting greatness in case of me. That's in my nature.

    Its' been 12 yr passed away & from last 8 years i am observing as well as facing a big drama due to my brother. He is the one who manipulate my parents with fake promises & fake hard working nature. Yes, Its FAKE. he will act like that he is dong hard working but NO results out of it. He has passed his 4 yr B.tech(55%) in 7 years. He dont have his own proper goal. what ever my parents opinionated, he will make it as goal. My father is Government teacher. So First he pushed my brother to Towards Teacher training course. But as you aware its not easy to get Government job after 2000. So with the name of preparations, bank exams and so on... he wasted time from 2015 to 2019. Finally my parents realized that , Brothers age is hitting 28. So they hurried to get him settled. So they gave 6 month training time in banglore & as well as they brought(yes, with 3 lakh money) a software job for him. Now game started. he exactly worked there for 22K/month just for 1.5 years and that too struggled allot to catch technology and that working environment. Even during this phase, he never left those government job preparation books. I am sure he is not picking up knowledge, just acting like that he is taking it seriously/trying for government job even, because he thought Software job is is not his cup of tea. Even in in Government job exams, he is not even achieving minimum passing score every time. Finally even though he got some Consultant support job from a MNC last year & lost that job just after 9 months due to his low performance. So during that time, even though his salary is less, But showing off & covering real truth about him, My parents got him married this year around June.

    now that girl is very talented where she found truth about his nature & career, she left just after 2 months of marriage. She is asking for divorce because my brother not even performed foreplay even in bed room. Not able to impress her with his any of action. all time Sitting Infront of laptop & acting like that he is in job search. No responsibility/love towards her like current millennials.

    she found that, he don't have individuality in any decision making as well as decision making capability, responsibility nature & all he is doing is depending on my parents in every case. Along with that, he had very serious behavioral issues like Eating allot, over weight, Snoring, Dancing like mad person, Eating even idli & dosa like a small kid, No bathroom etiquettes, Laughing loud, talking on unnecessary political topics, not many friends so on..

    now the problem is, i am tired of advising him, supporting him, trying to change him, took him for counselling even with best psychiatrist in my city. Even though that counsellor mentioned 23 negative points to him about his character & which my brother not accepting & very over confident about his nature. He is not accepting his nature faults & not ready to change him self.

    My Mother is main person who support him lot & Even Father is liberal in his case. they have their blind love on him still even after these many failures in his life. Now his age is 32, Still no earning, no responsibility(no wife) and still eating my parents income. I always feel bad about my parents difference in between me & my brother. They overall gave me around 25-30 Lakh money after marriage in different phases. Now they are trying to pour their entire remaining assets and other incomes like their savings for his future because he is not capable like me. Since they both are government employees, both's current earning value is 1.5 crore. Still they are constructing rental houses which can give him monthly income in long run. They are telling him as soulful Heir of for their property & trying to get second arrange marriage for him by showing that 1.5 cr of assets & 45k+ rental incomes. So even though he is not earning, his family can h=be happy with those earnings.

    I begged for 6 month time after my graduation, But father did not allow me step into city even by showing girl safety constraints. But he gave 5 years of time to my brother to settle himself even in small job. My father made me to resign MNC BPO job because of night shift. But he paid 3 lakhs to buy job for my brother. Simply mt parents thrown me out of house by saying Girl has marry at right time & need A Man safety at any time. But i really struggled allot to get software job after having kids, in-laws at home & over expected husband by that time, My entire talent & enthusiasm cum dreams got lot of stress to keep it self consistent. But my brother getting all support & freedom still he is intrested in sitting in front of laptop, doing time pass in various courses & social media. he is literally overweight as per Medical records.

    I am trying to avoid his thought's & their differences. But some times i feel my self as pity & getting angry on my parents. Because my brother never took responsibility towards them even. he not even ride the bike to drop my mother to school. Not even tried to learn car driving to support them at their old age. I gifted car to them .But i took it back, because no one is there to maintain even like driving, servicing & cleaning. My brother not bother about these thigs also. If we question him, his answer is like "You tell, i will do". But How many thousands of time we can tell him who is not ready to do allocated work with mindfulness.

    Help me to get out his thouhts & how i can avoid situation where he is taking over control/eating my parents income fully but leaving their health & caring responsibilities on me. Even though i have angry on them, i never left my responsibility towards them. Yearly i monitor their health & took care my MOM during her cancer treatments, bared all medical cost and paying extra insurance for their medical insurance purpose.
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2023

  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Look at it this way:
    You have overcome all the struggles and limitations of your social background and have come out and are standing on your own two feet. You have a job, a family and a house. In addition you are taking care of your parents.
    It may look like your brother is getting a good deal and free money now despite being irresponsible. It’s not that your parents love you less. It’s just that many parents feel more protective towards the less successful child and will do more for them. It’s not that they don’t feel proud of you even if they don’t express it.
    One day you and your brother will be the only ones left of your birth family. Between the two of you, in whose shoes would you rather be?

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