laugh @ DH's and DW's expense

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
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Man: Is there any way for longlife?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of longlife will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such handsome people like men and then he turns them into husbands.
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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Wife receives telegram: Husband dead-should be buried or cremated?
Woman: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now she is going thru hell along with him.
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Some of them just had me into splits but 'couple holding hands' and 'husbands sleeping' before I start speaking are real life experiences

 

A husband asked his wife: 'What do you like most in me, my handsome looks or my six pack body?'

She looked at him from head to toe and replied: 'Your sense of humour!'
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What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional
man who will just love them for who they are.

What women get: A fat, balding gas machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him.
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What DW and DH expect out of a marriage: 3 loving children who honor their
parents.

What they get: 3 helions who are a combination of their parents every fault and make their life a living hell
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Whats the difference between Complete & Finished?
If you find a good husband u r complete otherwise u r finished
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Some ideas to drive husbands mad

1. Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. (Hide them well.)

2. Organize his workshop, bedroom, or other special place.

3. Stare at his forehead and when he notices, casually ask if there is any history of male pattern baldness on his mother's side.

4. Repeatedly misplace the cordless phone, preferably in a different room each time.

5. Repeatedly lose his cellular phone in restaurants around town.

6. Insist upon a lot of 'meaningful conversations.'

7. If you live together, have your mother fly in for a month-long visit unannounced.

8. Reverse his contact lenses in their case.

9. Superglue the pages of his Little Black Diary together.

10. Answer all his questions with a question, preferably one on a totally different subject.

11. Superglue the commode seat in the up position.

12. Pretend you forgot how to speak English.


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The man yelled at his wife, 'You're gonna be really
sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!'

She responded, 'Make up your mind! Which one is it gonna be?'

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Advice for women regarding men:

Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.

Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

The definition of a bachelor is a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are 'do-it-yourself' types.

The best way to get a man to do something is to say he's too old for it.

If he asks what kind of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes. It means that you laugh at him.

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Though some of them are real life experiences, they still lift my mood when I am irritable or down.