Last child syndrome

Hi Dear,

First a warm hug from me.

I know what you feel. I can relate to you at some level.

As you said it is just a passing phase, so relax and take one day at a time.

You need to give your best to your child, and you cannot do that by being depressed and frustrated. First of all, make yourself happy. Hiring help even for few hours a day would give you some free time. pamper yourself, read, meditate, do a hobby, do anything that makes you happy in that free time. You'll be a much better person to your husband and those bouts of anger and bitterness will flow out of the window. On weekends when your child naps or maid takes care of chores.......... just sit with your DH and clear those misunderstandings. spend time with each other and communicate your feelings.

And about moral support.............. now you know it so pls also accept it that you will not get it from family. I know it hurts when family cannot understand you but your sibling, cause I've been there so I know. Make friends who can relate to you and understand you. socializing releases lot of stress and gives change.

Hope to hear from a cheerful you........

Take care.

 

I agree with Flora. BElieve me, I used to think like you. I can do everything myself. But now, I have started outsourcing a lot of things. Like cleaning and vaccuming the house.. And also cooking 2-3 days of week ..
Believe me, it would take stress of your brain you did not even know existed. We think physical work does not exhaust us and has nothing to do with whats going on mentally with us.. But that's not true.. It does tire you.. and makes you irritable if you do it day in day out every day.. and you feel stressed..
Just my 2 cents.. Hiring someone to help would actually help u..

 

Madhu,

I don't know where you are living in USA or India.
You may be very organised person but just my thoughts.Once you are at home,you see work before your eyes all the time 24/7.
I would suggest,have some routine and leave the house every day with your kid or register your kid in some play school or find some interst for yourself or focus something on which you like.I beleive that's what you laking here and that's they frustation.
Atleast 80% women depressed with young kids and taking care of kid and home 24/7 which we not used for it before.So find what causing you depressed and do nessasary.Find some friends,go to movie or do something which makes you happy.Once you are happy then you can take any load or burden on you.

My friend who never thought of doing any job in her life and wanted to be a housewife.But with 2 kids she is frustated so much at home and finally she decided to start a job and she found a job and out her kids in day care.Then she started enjoying her life more now before.

So it's challenging,especially if you don't have husband who don't understand your pain.

 

Madhu, I haven't experienced motherhood yet so I am not sure how exactly taxing taking care of a baby can be. But from what I hear from my sister and friends, babies can take your 24 hours and more if they can . That's what makes them babies.
The only thing I can come up with is that you need sometime alone with your husband. I think after you have a baby you get so exhausted by EOD that you hardly have any patience to sit and spend time with DH after the baby falls asleep. Like many suggested here, you will need the "zing" going even after a baby. When DH is not thinking about bring it back, why dont you try and initiate something special to get the communication going?

 

Keep a maid pronto and most of your troubles will vanish . You will feel less exhausted and fresh . Its very taxing to take care of a baby and do all the housework.
Even my mom and ILs were no more when I got married so you can imagine what I had to go through. There was no one to give advice , like you both me and DH are last born and had a tough time . But I adore my kids !
Since you had your kid late and were working earlier the arrival of a baby must have been a big transition.
A part time maid will definitely help you , try one . Lower your standards a bit if you are very fastitious . You will enjoy your baby more and not be exhausted.