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Lamentations from a Mom of a twenty-plus....

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Mindian, Oct 18, 2013.

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  1. Oct 18, 2013 #1
    Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    The other day my friend and I concluded amidst much laughter that we now belong to that ’elder’ generation, whether we like it or not. Both of us have daughters who are twenty plus, and that fact alone apparently makes us naani /paati material.

    For this was what happened the other day.

    I happened to be talking on the phone to a newly-arrived Indian lady in our condominium. She told me she had married immediately after graduating and was now a mother of a two-year old. I should have just ‘hmmed’ and moved on but no, I felt unusually talkative and gave away unasked information – I said “Oh, then you must only be a little older than my daughter”.

    And when she came to visit me I was NOT prepared for the “paati ku hello chollu, ma” (although to be fair to her, I must mention that she said she had expected someone much older)

    “OMG! This MUST be nipped in the bud, I thought. I want to become a paati only when my daughter decides to make me one. “And once a paati, always a paati” whispered my conscience.
    Besides Mindi paati doesn’t even sound good.

    So, thinking that propriety be damned, I asked whether I could just be ‘aunty’. I had no problems with her addressing me as aunty as well.

    The incident however did trigger some lamentations from this mother of a twenty plus (of course….totally in jest):

    Why is it that the minute you know I am a mother of a twenty year old you assume I am old? Hey, one is only as old as one feels.

    Why do you insist on calling me Ma’am or Aunty (and if I say that is not necessary, look shocked and insist on suffixing my name with a ji)? I know you want to be respectful but the first thing I am looking for is friendliness, please.

    Why do you tell your kids things like “aunty ko namasthe bolo beta. Pav chooon” I would actually love to greet them with a “hi sweetie” instead. And no, it doesn’t matter at all if they do not reciprocate. Let them just be.

    Why oh why do you think I am here only to give advice? I would just love to be a part of the conversation. You do not have to ask me whether things were the same when my kids were that age. It makes me feel not OLD, but ANCIENT.

    Why do you feel restricted in my presence and assume that it is not appropriate to crack certain jokes? True, I do feel that these jokes can sometimes get very childish but believe me I do not judge you at all; we have all been through that age and its ramifications.

    Why do you have animated conversations about your MILs and hush up when I am there? It is not that we never had grievances, but at our age we have learnt that there are bigger things in life to talk about, and we try hard not to judge you for making fun of your MIL.

    And the last one is for Moi. Why do I feel that there are a lot more choices in baby products, baby names, baby furniture, toys and accessories nowadays that we didn’t have twenty years back? Why do I feel that my daughter grew up too fast for my liking? Why do I feel the inherent need to pamper a child with all that money can buy and all the time at my disposal? Why do I feel all warm and cuddly when I see all my cousins and friends posting pictures of their grand kids on Facebook?

    Everything will happen in its own sweet time. Even Mindi ‘ammamma’…NOT Mindi paati ,MIND IT!!!:wink: :cheers
     
    Mindian, Oct 18, 2013
    Mindian, Oct 18, 2013
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  2. Oct 18, 2013 #2
    EverHappy

    EverHappy Platinum IL'ite

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    Thats was a lovely read..

    This post totally connects with what my dad always says..

    He refused to be called thatha (grandpa) until my brother had a daughter, but now he loves being called so. Although as he has aged he becomes more advanced with technology and is as youthful as I was 5 years ago :)

    And ask me about being called aunty!! Uff grrr.. I always wonder why do I become an aunty to every third person just because I got married!! When it really pisses me off I tell ppl in a funny way, oh my parents have given me a lovely name, please use it :)
    I wish I could really say that everytime without sounding rude...

    Lovely read Mindi..
     
    EverHappy, Oct 18, 2013
    EverHappy, Oct 18, 2013
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  3. Oct 18, 2013 #3
    superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    Very nicely narrated. Superb writeup. For me a few years back it was "Aunty" the moment I got married.
     
    superwoman09, Oct 18, 2013
    superwoman09, Oct 18, 2013
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  4. Oct 18, 2013 #4
    kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    hellooo my girlie friendoo Mindi..
    now thats hardly a compliment coming from a grey hair lady is it??.. but seriously why do people hesitate when communicating with older (not elders mind it) persons.. many have preconceived ideas also but I've seen if we the "older" folks are not judgmental and rigid the younger ones do let loose their hair..
    but I must confess I do enjoy being "aunty" because very often I turn into "agony aunt".. and get all the latest juicy gossip!!..
    but darling you definitely have years before being a patti unless Mri decides to give us all a jolt!!!
    kerman
     
    kelly1966, Oct 18, 2013
    kelly1966, Oct 18, 2013
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  5. Oct 18, 2013 #5
    AkilaMani

    AkilaMani Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :):)

    :hide:    I feel the same way!! does that mean I too am ............ nope I wouldn't dare to say it:hide:

    OMG why does that happen to me too!! when my younger cousines post thier toddlers pics!! two are more than enough for me!! no more I say, no more!!

    Totally enjoyed reading this mindy and yes, it is mindy not mindy akka or didi :)

    You know I was a paati even before I got married! one of my cousin's (of course quite older than me) had a grandchild, so technically I was the childs paati ;-) and yes, as soon as I had my first child, I was prompty promoted to 'aunty' even by college going kids who were only a few years younger than me!!
     
    AkilaMani, Oct 18, 2013
    AkilaMani, Oct 18, 2013
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  6. Oct 18, 2013 #6
    Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    "The trouble with a kitten" as someone sagely observed "is that it eventually becomes a cat". That is the problem with growing up. When their kids grow up many tend to feel older or rather they think that theey are older and by thinking they age. But too bad you miss the pleasure of enjoying MILs heads rolling because the young wives tend to clam up seeing you as potential MIL material. Minsdi patty haha. I remember t comedy serial in which a middle aged lady kept saying "Auntie math kaho naa". Looks like in your case it is "Daadi/naani math kaho naa".
     
    Balajee, Oct 18, 2013
    Balajee, Oct 18, 2013
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  7. Oct 18, 2013 #7
    swathiiyer

    swathiiyer Silver IL'ite

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    Very nicely narrated... Superb write up :thumbsup
     
    swathiiyer, Oct 18, 2013
    swathiiyer, Oct 18, 2013
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  8. Oct 18, 2013 #8
    Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Mindi
    I first became a grandfather on 9.3.93! This child now measuring about 6'2" and in his Third year medical has made me a universal 'Thatha'! Even my wife calls me so! She tells my granddaughters to call their thatha to have dinner. Even if they are not around, she shouts from inside 'Thatha! Come for dinner!' My daughters refer to me as Thatha when they mention me to their children. But even when they talk to me directly, I am thatha for them too!

    You know what? I hate to be called anything else these days!
    Sri
     
    Cheeniya, Oct 18, 2013
    Cheeniya, Oct 18, 2013
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  9. Oct 18, 2013 #9
    Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Mindi,


    first off let me hasten to assure you that all of your questions are very valid! You speak as a mom of 20+ year old kid, but here listen to me and you will feel a lot better! When I meet younger crowd and when they come to know that I have been here for 15 yrs, they immediately look at me like I should belong to the stone ages. How can I explain to them that when I migrated, I was young too may be younger than they are now. But I just smile and let it be. These days when I see other Indians, I take interest only if I see them in the 'mommy cars'! Your post also reminds me of a guy who came to see DD when she was born, not so many years ago right? As fascinated as he was with a new born warm and sleeping in her bassinet, he could not help but turn around and say "You must be feeling pretty old no?" '????' is how I went then but with a smile did tell manage to tell 'perhaps'! Guess what he had a baby just a year ago and when I reminded him of the conversation, he did manage to look sheepish!

    I don't know about you but as soon as I see younger couple, I do assume that I may not have any thing in common with them and keep myself at a distance other than offering any help if they need. Now now, I hope I did not lead you to conclude that I have only people older than me as friends, no way! I do have a couple, just a couple of very young friends who are in their mid twenties but then we have common interests that keeps us together!
     
    Srama, Oct 18, 2013
    Srama, Oct 18, 2013
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  10. Oct 18, 2013 #10
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Mindi girl!

    Now, now! Don't feel so bad. Let me tell you. I might not be the mom of a 20 something. I am not the mom of a 2 something, nor of a 0 something - never was. Despite that, I was "promoted" to various levels very young in life.

    My cousin, many years my senior had a daughter just 3-4 years my junior which made me an aunt at that age! A family friend had a son younger than me who could not say my name and corrupted it to Paati Akka - a double insult! I hated being called Akka and Paati Akka - much to the amusement of everybody!!!!! :bang

    My own sib promoted me to the Chitti status when I was just 14! Followed by a friend who had kid when I was around 29. I used to call her dad "dada" (elder brother in Marathi) - so by that logic I was her aunt and her son's grandmom at 29!

    Despite all that, when someone on a TV channel recently referred to two "elderly women" aged 52 and 53 the other day, I could not help gulping air and going "What???!!! 52? Elderly? Who?" So I can totally empathize with what you say. I am only just getting used to being called "aunty".

    Of course the other side has been my cousin's sons calling me "akka" and me wanting to tell them I am their atthai, not their akka! :spin

    So I guess I am that proverbial dhobi ka kutta - na ghar ka na ghat ka.
     
    satchitananda, Oct 18, 2013
    satchitananda, Oct 18, 2013
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