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Lament Of A Husband

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by sunkan, Oct 8, 2007.

  1. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    Lament of a husband:

    When I came across this ad about my shyamala, I never knew she is going to be the mystery of my life for a very long time. A person of ideas and interested in many things at the same time, it was amazing about her interest and then came a time where I was used to her surprises, and accomplishment, in art, writing, cooking, painting, u mention anything she knew, a very helping nature who was a very busy body all the time.

    We had four boys and all went through their life in the normal manner that is both me and shyamala saw to it they settled, but now my shyamoo is always sick, and temperamental, does not want to do any cooking, if she could be in bed that is bliss, and it takes more than a month for her to come out of this gloomy self, initially I was very understanding. I understand her pain give her hot water bottles for her back, I sometime rub myostal for her calf muscles, rub some tiger balm for her shoulders, of course the day she is fine she will never hesitate to do any of these with more interest to me.

    But now! I am also old and need someone to attend to me, I am so used to my shyamoo who will I go to! At this age and ask for simple things of mine, where I have misplaced, or my memory loss, about addresses or people’ face..

    I need my shyamoo I am so addicted to her cooking, it is her fault she never allowed me to do anything but was very dominant in the kitchen and she never allowed me in the kitchen all these days now how do I sprout with ideas to get myself something, a simple coffee also I depend on her.
    Now I don’t seem to like what my dil’s make and they are so filled with hype about my age and its demeaning attitudes is their say..

    Now please do not assess me as an old guy who has no heart but let me point my views too. Started our shekar who is in his 60+,

    She won’t allow me to sleep next to her, after all these years is it fair.

    She will give me dinner only after her serial is over and being a diabetic I am very hungry, and she never allowed me in the kitchen all these days now how do I sprout with ideas to get myself something, a simple coffee also I depend on her.

    If at all she wants to accompany me she will come to the temple, or may be some shopping for the grandchildren and I go with my wallet.
    When an argument comes up and she feels she is cornered which I don’t feel but then she will join with her son’s and pin point all my weakness to them and bring in a redress and put me in a mental cage.

    She does not want to go to the beach, and sit with me, her serials are important.
    I get to sleep in the hall which is the only room without an A/C but that too she wants to install one, says she is unable to tolerate the heat.
    Am I not the man who worked for their comfort, don’t I get to get the attention first, the children and grandchildren will always be her focus.

    I have to say my shyamoo has lost her charisma for me, and does not even have a smile that could make me want to live around, what do I do, I go out with the guys of my age and all have the same lament.

    Any amount of money and care and all those things do not give you the return u want, the least a human gratitude, you are a traveler and will remain so, there is no such thing as a spouse of understanding, or who is going to follow you in death, each one their own ..sunkan
     
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  2. pia123

    pia123 New IL'ite

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    Sunkanji
    Wonderful wonderful story. Thought provoking one.:clap
    Lamenting of This Husband really touched me. I feel sorry for him, but then again, it just provokes me to think why shyamoo, who was once so wondeful and loving has to change into not being so good. Hmm......I wonder why, and my mind is thinking on those lines. I feel if that missing/mysterious puzzle piece is identified, I am sure the whole puzzle or shd I say lament of this husband could atleast be justified or better yet fixed. Until then.........


    regards
    pia
     
  3. SupriyaDinesh

    SupriyaDinesh Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Sunkan Madam,
    This was an eye-opener for me.I could see house the partners feel.Thank you for posting.
     
  4. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    What a coincidence!!
    I can so much relate with my father-in-law.
     
  5. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    u saw pia,
    now you ask why shyamoo has turned different, because she is sick, with menopause and unable to cope...what i told you in the other story comes alive here with your answer...see when a man says the same lament people would say poor guy needs to have an understanding person after all, but the woman, is looked down upon, is it fair, we have to also give place for such ladies who are unable to cope with the situation, because men are demanding and this quality if could be changeable no lament any where...hai naa.. sunkan
     
  6. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    thanku supriya,
    if this article can help u understand the other side nothing like it...sunkan
     
  7. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    thanku,
    again puni for getting a view of the other side..sunkan
     
  8. pia123

    pia123 New IL'ite

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    Dear Sunkanji
    I understand your point, but I do accept that society does take the side of man and easily fingerpoint the women. I am not denying that . But these two stories (in my understanding) are different, different in approach though the lamenting part being the same.

    I am only saying that I totally disagree with that wife (in story 1). She is the source of the problem and the solution is within her. If she realises that she was the one who pampered her husband so bad, now even when her age and body doesnt cooperate he still demands (like an animal), she will now stop cribbing and will not look for someone to fill in. Rather she will take the first step of accepting her mistake and try to do something about it. What the worse could happen, he will look for some one else which the wife is already fine with, right??. Atleast she will have the happiness and satisfaction that she stood for herself. If she not only cries for her situation but also ready to deal with it, then I would totally support her. Lamenting---everybody does, that's fine, But we have to advance to the next step of dealing with it.

    Whereas in Lament of a husband story, the husband is already thinking thru the problem and analysing it, so that's why I asked the question to provoke his thoughts as to why shyammoo in now behaving differently??. If the husband could nail that down, he will know to find the solution to the problem himself. I am not taking the husband's side, as a matter of fact I am trying to judge the wife's behaviour assuming that there would be a valid reason why she behaves that way now .

    Sunkanji, just want to explain my thoughts clearly. I am totally willing to learn from great IL's like you-- rich with experience and wisdon. Once I think thru, I can understand your mine and your point of view clearly and could learn more, if I am wrong.
    Thanks for bringing such nice topics, more than a pass time, it teaches life itself. Once we know who we are, then we can decide which direction to head out in life.
    regards
    pia
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2007
  9. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear pia,
    age matters a lot ma, sunkan
     
  10. pia123

    pia123 New IL'ite

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    Sunkanji
    I agree, may be with age, the understanding gets better. You mature and then let go of things, forgive more, and not mention forget more. But I still can't understand the mind set of this wife to look for a another women to satisfy her husband's needs. Does one even accept that when they grow older?? Where do you draw the line, as to how much you can tolerate?? :?

    regards
    pia
     

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