Ladies, who do you think should pay for a couple's wedding expenses?

nb25,

Ofcourse, it should be paid by the couple who are getting married. But 95% of the couple don't.

My husband and I paid for our wedding. On the other hand, most of my friends didn't pay for their wedding.

Sometimes it's 100% by the bride's side or 50/50 by bride and groom's family (or one party takes care of wedding and the other party takes care of reception)

 

I think the society should pay for the weddings. After all, its the society which decided that people should get married.

 

Ideally the couple who are getting married should pay according to their means.thats what we did.


But I won't mind spending on my child's wedding if I have enough finances and it is a long way to go so who knows what the trend will be at that time .

 

The couple should pay of course!! But it doesn't work that way does it?
dh and I wanted a simple wedding (we both wanted a court marriage) in the presence of our parents, sisters and few friends but our parents were dead against it...they completely hijacked and took over. My parents wanted a lavish wedding, pils wanted a lavish reception. Nobody bothered to listen to us...They turned our wedding into a two day circus!
All the heavy jewelry, silk saris not to forget disgusting hairstyle still give me nightmares! Dh had a tough time too with his dhoti...all the food for the guests, we couldnt manage to eat properly for those 2 days!! Not to forget family drama and politics...We BOTH simply hate the day we got married...we haven't bothered watching our wedding video or go through our wedding album till date!! We have just one pic with dh and me in traditional attire to prove we survived that day...the reception was another nightmare...

a few years later though, we got our wish...we got married again in a temple...it was a simple affair and was financed by us. We did not invite anyone, not even our parents...infact we didn't tell them till after the ceremony and the lunch was very simple...for me, that was the best day of my life!!

 

This was my dad's view and one of his criteria -

if a man is not willing to pay for his wedding means he is not ready for a marriage life to support his wife.

Meaning, he has no money! or too stingy or expects too much from in-laws/free loader or reaching too high in a social ladder for a bride and will not be able to support his wife's life style.

 

Your post made me smile a little because I also wanted a small wedding — I would have been fine with maximum of 12 people, but our parents wanted a big wedding since it was the first for my family and the last for his. We wound up having it in India where my husbands parents took charge of the planning and initial payments (our parents wound up splitting it 50/50) which was a godsend because I could only manage to do so much from the US (considering the wedding was planned to be 6 months out, it didn't leave much time for DH and I to go out and do any shopping/planning). We wound up having it in my husband's hometown where he grew up. It was a 4 day event and since my husband's parents were well known in the area — we wound up having somewhere of 2,000 - 3,000 people present for the reception (this completely boggles me, but I feel like I didn't see them all at once from the stage we were sitting on and some guests were in/out). Although DH and I both tried to pay for some of the wedding, our parents wouldn't let us (I tried to pay for other things myself though, like some gifts for guests, my attire, etc.).

I was so busy with work in those 6 months before my wedding and I couldn't do any shopping for my dresses. So pretty much all the gifts and my dresses (including my wedding dress) were found/bought/sewn/put together literally within 2 weeks before my actual wedding date. It was insanity but somehow it all came together. My MIL had also arranged for a Pre-Wedding tour for DH and me so I could take a breather before the wedding and check out some of the highlights in their state which was really nice of her. My PILs had also arranged for transportation for the out-of-town guests, along with some tour buses to give our out of town guests (primarily from my side) an opportunity to check out the local attractions once the wedding ceremonies had all wrapped up — then drop them off to the train stations and to the airport.

After we came back to the US, we had our own small wedding ceremony at City Hall attended only by my parents and brother (who are local to where we live in the US) and we skyped in his parents. Yup, that's about it. Despite my anxiety about a big wedding that I had no idea how to plan from afar, somehow everything came together. Phew. Glad that's over with

 

I paid for my wedding using my own earnings - and my DH sponsored his side of the wedding expenses, my parents gave me away (kanyadaan) and my FIL spoke the mantras for receiving the new bride !!! My brothers and SILs and sisters and BILs worked and ran around doing all the chores !!!

And my BIL and co-sis took the entire credit for it !!!

I heard them say several times over the last 10 years that they did the marriage and if they hadnt done it, I would have never got married etc....

till I was irritated with them - and replied back - "I dont know if you conducted YOUR brother's marriage - DH will have to tell that, but MY MARRIAGE was conducted by MY parents!!!" They were taken aback and never spoke about it again Why was I such a dorrmat for 10 years???

I like the "if you cant sponsor your wedding you're not fit to be married" - I would say it is the same for the modern girls too because they are also educated and have equal opportunities now - at least before marriage!

In fact, once I was talking to FIL about some village and he said yes I have been there, to see a girl and they were ready to give 100 acres land in dowry !!!

I asked him if he regretted that his son got married to a girl who had taken a loan to build a house (home loan as dowry instead of bringing 100 acres in dowry) - he said, but you bought that house with YOUR money and you paid for your wedding and you look after me so well because you are educated and understand the medical terms!! That girl was bringing her father's property - so of course I dont regret

 

In our community, the whole burden of bearing expenses is on brides family..to be precise brides parents. The guys family just comes along and attend as if they are doing a favour.. and are always at forefront to criticise.
I feel the expenses should be borne by both families or the bride and groom alike..