Sometimes i wonder whats this life!! I would have stayed back in India with my family,lived a simple life ..i came to America after seeing bollywood movies and their potrayal of how abroad life looks like!! The good thing is that me due to Undue peer pressure and also Was able To create something for myself after coming here. Everything here is DIY and a certain format..many people life is the same! Potlucks, work,kids,classes and thats it. Good thing is my confidence did increase here, enjoyed certain luxuries and overall fine. Now am 43 and my husband is 47..he has become an angry bird! Always job stress and sometimes i feel like he behaves he owns the company!! I actually see many men who are quite relaxed and pretty chill and i dont know why my husband is such an angry bird but also a silent types at the same Time. Today some fight that too stupid fight about some food order.when i am hungry i flip..both of us had some fight at some Wrong order and we were yelling and my kid has witnessed some Fights.I just told her “sorry u are born yo Wrong parents”.. I miss my mom today.I just want to go to india and hug her tight and be mext to her.She can watch her TV serials but I just want to be with her.I miss my dad who is nomore and i was treated like a queen till he was alive.After he died only all these relatievs torture and everything else cropped up.I miss my brother who is a sweetheart.We used to take long walks every India trip,go to movies and lunches and I miss my best friend.She has zillion friends and is a social Bird but to me she is the only friend I have and i love her a lot.she doesnt know That i dont have any frienda abroad and thats the only thing i hid from her maybe my pride. My home is so dirty and messed up and i ate junk food and feeling like crap. I felt so lonely today and am still unable to heal from my toxic relatives some of whom I trusted and that trust backstabbed me.Every emotion is rushing into me and i feel uneasy. Now am doing better.Going to clean up a bit and then take a shower.Pray to god before bedtime. I decided something today.It maybe anyone in the world but i think i have to make myself happy.That way family will be happy.Am going to focus on myself and do what I can.My happiness comes first and self care is not selfish:. had to journal..thanks for reading..
