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Judged And Humiliated

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by wish4miracle, Mar 30, 2020.

  1. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Silver IL'ite

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    It is not meant for him. I know it for sure as this is an ongoing issue even before my mrge.
    He is one who dont tolerate this kind of acts. I requested him to be silent as it will worse things between me and my mom.
    Though she makes my life hell at times, she loves my kid and my kid likes her. Also I love her when she is not chandramuki. I respect her and love her to the point i want to make things balanced. Want to keep up the serenity in our family.
    My husband is the only ray of sunshine I have in my life. I sleep in peace only by his side.
    He will be the one listening to all my crying episodes and consoling me. I took it here this time. My mom doesnt show the angry mode to my husband. She treat him with love and respect all the time.
    As Rihanna said accepting it and lessening the contact would help me a bit.
     
  2. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    Staying away from toxic people is the best thing we can do to ourselves. If you have a chance go back to your own home .

    Your mom is very controlling. First of all accept with 100% sincerity that it's her nature and you can't change her. If you accept it, you will learn how not to take these things to your heart. Staying away and minimizing interaction is the best .

    Ignore her words and do what you think is best. Let her show face or tantrums, just consider her like a child.. dont take it seriously.

    Going after her trying to explain or argue or convince will lead to more headaches. Try your best not to talk in negative way. If you cant staying silent is the best.

    To deal with these kind of people, just agree with them..like.." mom you are right I am not a good mom.you are the best etc..if you think that way no problem you can think whatever you want...if you think that way..let it be..then do what you want...that's all... Use the same technique to handle them..you dont loose anything...you dont need her best mom certificate to do what's good for your child. Slowly they get it. But if you think there any point that you can adopt try it. Its good to learn anything from anyone.. You are an adult you can decide what to do..

    Hope you feel better soon
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2020
    sindmani, wish4miracle and Meghaa like this.
  3. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Hugs to you, w4m. This is a horrible way for you to live. It's time to move out. Live your own life happily with your DH and child. No need to follow parents' compulsions under these circumstances.

    Meanwhile, ask your DH to say your favorite dish is his favorite dish. She may cook it for him. :p

    Your mother has a need to appear saintly in public. Use that to get what you want. Let your DH ask for whatever you want. It will likely piss her off — which is not a bad thing. It may give you an excuse to return home.

    I'm happy your DH is a good man. Ride off into the sunset with him and don't look back. Your mother isn't going to change.
    .
     
    wish4miracle likes this.
  4. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you Ddream for ur kind words. It's been very tough with her. I can stay only 2 to 3 days at a time with her. She will please me to stay and if we do, she will slowly start finding faults in us. When I did my first ivf, I stayed in their house post ivf for 14 days to get some help.( Few days went good. She found a fault in us(mostly it will be not following her dumb rule or something which is not worth of, you cannot imagine what would trigger it). She started mistreating me by providing half cooked food everyday for lunch. She cooked half cooked omelette as side dish every single day. And half cooked and salty sundal as snack for evening. It was like she did it for name sake so that nobody can make her guilty saying she dint provide food. It was insulting humiliating and hurting. I moved out to my house before 14 days. It was a failed ivf even though the embryos were good in quality. The way I was treated affected me immensely I would cry every night thinking about it.

    I am still falling prey everytime I get the invite. Since we dont have any relations left, we wanted our kid to have grandparents and uncle and aunts from my side.

    There was a huge breakdown from me on the day I posted this thread. My sibling started it with me with the help of my mother. My mother always degrade me by comparing all "goodness" of my sibling. That I am not grateful, helpful, not as rich as my sibling, not as brainy as her and go on. She will support my sibling even if she did the mistake of bringing herself in my personal matters. She screamed, I screamed on top of my lungs which is unusual for her because I always keep silence in such situations. She stopped talking to us and mo mother as usual supported her and questioned me scolded me for screaming. When I told her about my tough times dealing with their lies, she refused to accept it. She acted as if nothing happened.

    After lots of arguments, none cared to acknowledge their lies. So I left it as such. But then they started passing comments on my back. Made us get supplies whenever they want as if they were not cared about what would happen to us. I patiently waited for a change and also tp avoid making dad to get supplies but nothing happened. So we moved out to our house with my kid. I miss my dad and my niece and nephew. But I couldnt tolerate it anymore. It was way more toxic for my kid to witness.

    Anyways, I have dealt this already and I will deal this again. This shall too pass.
     
  5. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Silver IL'ite

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    Thank u amica, your msg comforts me in overcoming all these bad scenes. This time my husband jumped in to tell them to be frank with each other, my mom talked about how bad my laws were. Of course that's the truth but my husband s intention was to console everyone and bring everyone together. He said that you guys are important than my parents and that's the reason I am talking about being good with each other.

    Its was a long day but we moved out anyway and we are home amidst covid scare. We are home and happy now but we miss our dad, nephew and niece.
     
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  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs to your dear..being treated such by mother in law is nothing new...but from Mother..own mother totally unexpected...
    Sh must be having some resentment towards you right form your childhood or even before your birth in order to behave so...she must have had underlying psychological issues or trauma not properly dealt or addressed...else how can a mom treat a daughter undergoing IVF or post delivery as a new mom like this...
    Just hoping you find inner strength to deal with this.
     
    Amica likes this.
  7. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    You have a Narcissistic mother, there is lot of resources on the web, unfortunately you can not change her behavior if you try it will only get worse.

    Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
     

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