Is working mother only responsible for inappropriate child development?

InnerBliss · Mar 16, 2012

The role of women has been changing over time. However, It is very considerable that her role in child development has always been significant. Children’s later life and behavior are highly influenced by the support and understanding they receive in their childhood.

However, I totally disagree with the statement that mothers are solely responsible for any developmental problem in children. I believe that it is matured and understanding approach as well as quality and organised time that is more important for children's overall development. It is the demand of the modern life that both of the spouses have to work and strengthen the financial aspects of the family. As a teacher who gives quality time and lesson in short time, is more important than the teacher who gives only 'too much time' without any lesson, Similarly, I would say that the parents who spend quality time, lesson and appropriate role model are more worthy than parents giving only 'time'.

It is safe and acceptable having 'working' mothers in a family unless she is not getting overloaded with the obligations that obstructs her to justify the appropriate child development of her kids. It is okay having mothers providing financial support unless the children get good environment and carers to look after them when their mother is absent. The family would not stop developing and prospering if every member is aware about his/her mutual goals and responsibilities to live ideal family life and if everybody is always ready to work on his/her mistakes. Child development is the responsibility of both the parents and therefore only mother should not be blamed for any inadequacy.

To add, it is the responsibility of every adult member in the family to look after the kids and foster appropriate environment. Moreover, it is also the responsibility of the government to introduce different programs, services and awareness in the community regarding appropriate parenting skills and ideal child development.

Undoubtedly, We do find great competition in not only schools, universities or while getting desired job but during other stages and walks of life as well. The young children are expected to show high competency skills academically, in the co- curricular activities, in posing a well groomed personality, in demonstrating high communication skills, etc. and they are expected to be multi-tasking right from the young age. Besides external fields, the pressure of being perfect is found from parents too! In such situations, the children need proper understanding and acceptance from both of the parents. On the basis of the trust that parents sow in them, they respond and reflect their value in the external world. If the government or school help the parents providing parenting lessons and tips to overcome challenges, I think, it would make a drastic difference in eliminating some psychological problem such as juvenile delinquency, depression, suicide, jealousy, etc. in growing minds.

To conclude, I completely disagree with the statement that working mothers are only responsible for unpleasant home environment or child development as I believe that it is the equal responsibility of both of the spouses as well as the government to see healthy development of children so that they become

Viswamitra · Mar 17, 2012

Thank you for this wonderful blog. I could not agree with you more on your words that spending quality time with the children is much more important than spending time with them. I also agree with you the concept of blaming mother's working as a reason for unpleasant home environment or child development is wrong.

However, one aspect we all need to focus on. The children bond when they are little so much with the mother and every one of their actions including the way they hold them, do baby talk, feeding, making them sleep mean so much to the children. It creates a magic effect on a kid when the brain development takes place. As a matter fact, scientific studies indicate the child's brain develops so rapidly at a very early stage in terms of learning walking, seeing, reading, writing, learning, recognizing color, understanding love, chewing, playing, interacting, communicating, etc. Up to that stage, the activity part of the brain develops rapidly. After that, the analytical part of the brain develops based on information stored in the memory and it is more judgmental in nature. At this stage, the brain development is much slower. Therefore, this early part of the interaction with mother makes the child listen more to the mother than the father.

However, it is also true that children emulate the qualities of both parents very rapidly during early development stage. For example, if parents are very loving, compassionate, god-fearing, truthful, faithful, helpful, smiling, etc, the child develops those great qualities. If they have negative qualities, the child also watches their actions and learn from that. I is also important that both parents are together whenever they appreciate or discipline the children.

While mother's working should not be blamed for child development, it is also true that the children are more likely to look up to their mom for their development than their dad.

Viswa

InnerBliss · Mar 18, 2012

Dear Viswa sir,

I agree with each word of yours. You are 100% right with your thoughts and beliefs. I also could not resist the temptation of being a special person to my children and also not missing a single moment when they learnt to smile, walk, crawl, talk, feel, etc. I do not regret for not working for some preliminary years of my kids as I got more value for my time.

However, for my daughter Lavanya, I have enrolled her to the preschool and day care for 4 days in the week. It is not only to meet my other goals but ultimately I do believe that at home, my daugther receives nothing but only tv time. I could not introduce socialising and as many activities that is introduced to her in the school. I have started this when she is almost 4 years old. Please let me know if you find my this behavior inappropriate. I always love to hear your views and contemplate them.

Thank you for your views. I am writing this reply from my work in the break and miss reading your blogs at home as the computer does not work.

Viswamitra · Mar 18, 2012

Your daughter Lavanya is already 4 years old and hence I believe that she is already past the rapid development stage I talked about. I also agree with your thought that she would get socializing skills at the preschool. I am glad that you have registered her for only 4 days which means she spends 3 days in a week at home. in my view, you are doing nothing wrong.

I am sure you would have chosen a nice preschool for your daughter. I would only suggest the following as an additional steps:

1) Occasionally, (at irregular intervals and probably once in three months) please make a surprise visit to the preschool and bring her back home to spend time with her.

2) Please develop a conversation with her every day after your return from work to describe what happened in the preschool every day

3) Review the school's curriculum for child development and ask them for a report at frequent intervals

4) Ask Lavanya about her friends in the school and her interaction with them

5) Keep looking for cheerful attitude of Lavanya in her face all the time. I have seen her picture and she looks like a happy child and watch whether that trend continues.

I am sure you are doing most of them already and I still mentioned that to make sure they are all listed. I am more than convinced that you are a great mother for your children. It is evident from your questions.

I believe Lavanya will do well in the preschool environment. I wish you and Lavanya all the best.

Viswa