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Is this unreasonable to ask

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by radhika4m, Aug 9, 2007.

  1. radhika4m

    radhika4m New IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I am new member so first of all let me introduce myself, I am married for 3 years and have a 1 year old baby. We live in a middle class joint family (1BHK home)

    Now here is my problem, my BIL got married a year back and we had to vacate our room for him, now me and my husband sleep in the living room with my MIL

    So its obvious we have no privacy atall, and this is really bothering me now because one year is not a small time. My question is, that is it unreasonable to stay out in a hotel for the weekend in such a situation

    When I asked my husband about it he was very angry on me and started saying is all that so imp to you blah blah, I cant understand why is it wrong

    I wanted to know if any of you ladies face a similar problem and some tips to handle the situation, the situation is such that i cant fight with my husband and stay out , it spoils the whole idea itself

    thank you
    Radhika
     
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  2. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel sad to read this in this day and age. You are not unreasonable but your husband seems to be scared of his mother. try to get some elders to mediate here or try and find a seperate place to stay. dont argue or fight but get some concerned third party involved to talk to your husband and mil.
    regards
    chitra
     
  3. meeta012

    meeta012 Junior IL'ite

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    Dear Friend,
    sorry..but why not be a little sneaky here?
    Its not difficult to "encourage" your husband to think about the "fun"..right?
    Don't go for the straight...direct approach....!!
    You know there isn't any privacy....so go right ahead!
    make him drool...use all your wiles....soft glances...careless whispers...low laughter...soft touches...nice lingerie...since you know him well..you know what will make him think in the right direction.
    Since there isn't any privacy..he'll think of avenues himself...maybe weekend getaways.....whatever it takes to bring out the romantic in him.
    Maybe someof my fellow Ilites will be scandalised...but I don't feel sorry in creating the right mood or opportunities to be together with someone whom you love and are bound for life with....
    best of luck
    Regards,
    Meeta
     
  4. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Friend
    Meeta;s reply is best. go for it
    regards
    chitra:-D
     
  5. meeta012

    meeta012 Junior IL'ite

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    Thanks chitra:))
    I hope she'll share her "good" experiences...lol

    errr.....maybe not all of it...on second thots....

    Warm regards,
    Meeta
     
  6. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    I guess its a very odd situation for you and ur hubby, I am sure moving out is not an option at this point but it wud be the best solution in the long term

    coming back to the immediate problem I shud first of all say u have some guts to post such a problem here so u shud use the same to get what you need

    i know it might seem odd but y dont u try out odd timings like maybe ask him to take a day off and do it during the day when the other couple is not really using the room

    or maybe early mornings or late nights when the rest of the members r all asleep

    I know its easier said than done, but its more imp the problem in ur case privacy which is much less serious than lack of interest

    so dont feel bad ppl have all the privacy and space but no desire , atleast in ur case the desire is there and when thats present privacy can be created ;)

    hope this helps and let us know what happens ..lol
     
  7. kanaka Raghavan

    kanaka Raghavan IL Hall of Fame

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    Your situation is very very difficult.You put your point firmly with the help of elders.Do not fight.Put this problem in a more refined way.A better idea woulld be to move into a bigger place where there would place for everyone.I am sure everyone would understand.Make your husband so your problem.I do not think your unreasonable.
     
  8. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Frankly,your question is not unreasonable at all.Normally,it is the men who will be really frustrated in such a situation,it is surprising your husband is so cool.I guess it is assumed that since you have a kid,you don't need any privacy any more.

    What makes this situation so difficult is the attitude of your husband.You will have to convince him,like Kanaka says,to move to a 2BHK as soon as possible.Well,maybe ,before that you will have to make it clear that you will need one bedroom for yourself.Otherwise,one bedroom might go to the BIL and the other one might go to your MIL,pls handle carefully.If finance is not an issue,why not go for a 3BHK?
     
  9. radhika4m

    radhika4m New IL'ite

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    Thank you for your advices everyone , the one thing i will do after reading your responses is discuss it seriously and openly with my husband

    abt moving out i dont want to do it because that is what the younger brother wants, the area we live in is excellent if we move out we can never afford a house in that area, and plus my husband paid for this house so the younger brother is the one who should move out

    the second part about desire and opportunity so, i want to tell meeta and payal that we do everything you people suggested , so its not a complete drought but its so much frustrating to do something like a thief (you know what i mean there is no privacy)

    again thank you all
     
  10. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    That is very nice decision Radhika..... let us know your short term and long term solutions after you discuss this with your husband
     

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