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Is this part of the culture? Do wedding gifts go to groom's parents?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by cultureconfused, Jul 9, 2015.

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  1. Jul 9, 2015 #11
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    As for the gifts,I would suggest you let it go .
    You don't have to thank anyone from in laws side for gifts you did not receive . It is your in laws duty.They will do that by returning the favor when they attend the wedding of these gift givers children.

    Lesson learnt for next event--if you will end up paying for it,then make sure you decide how it will be .

    Secondly....if you ask,you will have to do what they suggest.Don't ask,just plan and execute. .If you give too much importance ,you will end up having to deal with the unreasonable expectations of the Indian son's parents.
     
    yellowmango, Jul 9, 2015
    yellowmango, Jul 9, 2015
    #11
    4 people like this.
  2. Jul 9, 2015 #12
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    But why!

    We don't write thank-you notes. Instead, the gift amount or item is noted down, and compared with gift given to that family in the past, or a note made on what gift to give them in the future. The thanks are given in person itself, as are the gifts, and the gift-givers are forced/privileged to stand for a picture with the couple on the reception stage. Ideally, the male guest standing beside the groom, and female guest on the bride's side.

    I daresay our relatives would be quite surprised and even suspicious if anyone in the family wrote or emailed them a thank-you note for wedding gift.

    Indian weddings are less about the bride and groom. Same for the gifts received. You should just put all this wedding stuff behind you, and not dissect it. Like the videos and photos, other wedding matter is better not viewed/reviewed too much.

    Try to give your in-laws the benefit of doubt. Wedding gifts from family and relatives involve an intricate algorithm, and your special case wedding might have caused that algorithm to be tested real hard. :)
     
    Rihana, Jul 9, 2015
    Rihana, Jul 9, 2015
    #12
    6 people like this.
  3. Jul 9, 2015 #13
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Eh ? Such unequivocal castigation is not very Soka-like. shakehead
     
    Rihana, Jul 9, 2015
    Rihana, Jul 9, 2015
    #13
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  4. Jul 9, 2015 #14
    sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes! :rotfl
    OP, you might enjoy this essay and this one!

    This is generous, and completely appropriate for the OP, but I am not entirely sure that the new in-laws are fully deserving. If it is genuinely a family custom (I prefer to avoid the universalizing straitjacket word 'culture'), then there was no need to hide it, even from the son. It can be handled without subterfuge.
     
    sokanasanah, Jul 9, 2015
    sokanasanah, Jul 9, 2015
    #14
    1 person likes this.
  5. Jul 9, 2015 #15
    sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Heh, heh. Yes, I've been following some of the in-law politics threads, especially ones about rescuing our Mr. Cinderellas from the ravages of the scullery. Having just excitedly procured a sous-vide device for experiments in my kitchen, this is all driving me quite insane.

    I just don't like the 'no, no one gave any gifts' statement. It's far easier to do the 'arrey beta, the thing is ...'.
     
    sokanasanah, Jul 9, 2015
    sokanasanah, Jul 9, 2015
    #15
    1 person likes this.
  6. Jul 9, 2015 #16
    coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    hahahha.....so true but sounded really funny in written....
     
    coolgal123, Jul 9, 2015
    coolgal123, Jul 9, 2015
    #16
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  7. Jul 9, 2015 #17
    cultureconfused

    cultureconfused New IL'ite

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    I didn't assume, her constant assertions is that it is her culture and that anything I read is a lie. I honestly don't know other Indian families to ask. I didn't mean to be offensive at all. It's been bugging me or months. This is really just confirmation. I apologize if I offended you.
     
    cultureconfused, Jul 9, 2015
    cultureconfused, Jul 9, 2015
    #17
  8. Jul 9, 2015 #18
    cultureconfused

    cultureconfused New IL'ite

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    Thank you everyone for your responses. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I would have understood if they would have explained this as their family custom but when they lied, it just made it look like they are making things up as they go. I appreciate you all taking the time to explain the different aspects.
     
    cultureconfused, Jul 9, 2015
    cultureconfused, Jul 9, 2015
    #18
  9. Jul 9, 2015 #19
    sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Hey, no! I'm not offended. I'm amused because I picture you walking around in a fog for many years to come, wondering whether every little thing is 'their culture' or not. Once that thought entered my head, I'm imagining all sorts of devilish tricks I could play on you - cultural confusion experiments. Sorry, I'm easily entertained and my sense of humor runs away with me sometimes. :wink:
     
    sokanasanah, Jul 9, 2015
    sokanasanah, Jul 9, 2015
    #19
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  10. Jul 9, 2015 #20
    Brainstorm

    Brainstorm New IL'ite

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    I would put your foot down from the get go and set boundaries now, whether MIL like sit or not! She seems like someone who likes to lie, manipulate and play on against another, soon she will be playing you against your husband, her son. It is only a matter of time. If I were you, I would move as far away as possible physical location wise, so that you only have to see them one or twice a year yourself.
     
    Brainstorm, Jul 9, 2015
    Brainstorm, Jul 9, 2015
    #20
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