Is this an Abnormal Situation ? - Please answer

Blessed raising hand is the next step from verbal abuse to physical abuse, it not about first time, it is an assault on someone mentally.imagine your daughter being in that situation. OP why do you need someone to take care of you constantly, go back to your physcian and get help, people in your life will get frustrated if they have to take care of you constantly, make an effort and get help.

 

In DV cases when the cops come they determine whether someone has been physically assaulted and the charge comes from them not the victim. This is so the woman or man who was assaulted cannot be threatened into dropping the charges.

OP: I am not sure how this will pan out based on the laws of your state and the charges or lack thereof, but this can also have a positive spin as the court can mandate counselling for your husband and also probably marital counselling so that this type of thing is stopped.

 

This is very valid point.We have enormous of energy and power as human and you need to understand that and get healthy.I was hit by RA(Rheumatoid arthritis ) during my second pregnancy but I took care of myself completely.Not a single day I looked for anyone's help.Anyway,I don't have that choice.
So If I can do it,you can do it too.Find out the things which makes you better,physical exercise,no matter what allocate time for them and recover physically from it.We can't depend on husband,parents or MIL or kids to take care of us.We need to take care of our self first then rest comes later.

 

Op,I called 911 when my husband abused me for 4-5 yrs.I regret not doing what you did the first time you were abused?I am sorry to say your mil is not a good lady forget very good.she is manipulative,condescending and mean.but then these are qualifications of some in laws.you did the right thing.this wud have been a regular feature if not stopped.

chances are this might go to court.if it goes you will be given court appointed lawyer.they dont charge fees ask the lawyer to have your husband take some anger management classes.it might probably be a misdemeanor charge in al likelihood.if he is coming into your m.i.I. Manipulation',time for him to realise his responsibilities.send your mil back immediately.put Ur kid in daycare.bad idea to call in laws for child care.they come with manipulation and wreaking havoc in our lives from time to time.look for Pro bono immigration lawyers and ask them for their opinion before court.good luck.

 

Choc

just a clarification..I guess OP was verbally abused since past couple of years...she mentioned it in her post....her husband was getting brainwashed and abusing her mentally and verbally and the next step was when he raised his hand on her after lengthyyyyy argument thats whenshe called COPs.

I dont know if we can call this first time or not...because as billybob said..once he raises his hand...there is no turning back...verbal abuse is out of the window and there begins the physical abuse.

if we dont stop such stuff on the first step (as you said) it will take years to get that strength to take any action..and as we know there are some women who live with it through their entire life.

by the way thanks for chipping in with your story..yes I do remember reading your posts and it was a very positive outcome in your marital life...so am hoping OPs husband also understands why his wife did what she did.

 

I was actually scared to read this

how he has changed his passowrds and denying access...but again why do youneed access to hsi email a/cs or bank a/cs if your bank a/cs are separate.

what info did you get from the lawyer? was that about whehter it affects his job/citizenship??

I would suggest please take it slowly...am sure your husband has his own plans..he sure would do his followup etc...or tell him that you want to be part of all this and help him as much as possible to get this case off of his back...tell him that..

but pls stop thsi running. or else you might give a wrong indication to him as if you are trying to do your base work to get what you want from him.....which might sound really worrisome for him.

Tell him that he has to contact a immigration and DV attorney to get this case cleared...ask him to join any immigration forums and ask for help....tell him you are doing research oninternet to get this issue resolved for both ofyou...but pls includehim and let him make the first move of contacting an attorney.

REason?? as I said..he might think you are taking care of what options you have if you separate from him etc....which is not the case here right?? so dont give wrong indications to him. offer help and support and be there when he needs you. thats all. dont rush things.

Also I understand..though you may not feel bad for calling cops..but you are feeling bad for the kind ofsituation you were put in...i.e.e he gets to abuse you as much as he wants, but when you take action..again it hurts you also emotionally and mentally.......not just him..(thats the bad part in marriages...when one spouse gets to dominate the relationship.) so dont try to stress yourself over all this....just take it slow...yes this has happened in your life..you have to deal iwth it thats all...who knows things may take a good turn also right??

is your husband on talking terms with you? is he involved with the kid? did your FIL or parents know about all this? in any case dont disclose this to your side relatives/friends/his side relatives/friends/neighbours..just keep it amongst your family until this gets resolved...because they may not really help..but may add ghee to the fire.

 

Op,try as much as possible for a pre trail diversion .my husband was given pretrial diversion and ordered anger management classes.now the ball is in your husband's court as to what to do?its not 2 yrs but stays on record for 5 yrs.if he is arrested again for Dv it will be felony charge and have serious consequences.read my earlier posts maybe 2 yrs back you can get an idea about everything.even legal matters.its too lengthy so iwont be able to post again.good luck.

 

Dear,

I didn't have much idea on intention of people and there minds.But from your posts,when you don't share your passwords then why does he had to share with you?

I know you met with an accident and gone though lot but you mentioned he took care of you well.

So don't panic because he had changed his passwords.That's the only thing I wanted to tell you.