Is there anything I can do for you?

It’s too long ago that I blogged. Can I call it writer’s block? I am not a very great writer to use such great excuses. Domestic life really engulfed me throwing challenge after challenge! I am very lucky as compared to millions of others, who have very serious issues bothering them day in and day out. But maybe lazy people like me just need some lame excuse not to be constructive!
My friend Monideepa Sahu recently published her latest book about Rabindranath Tagore through Penguin Publishers. My other friend K.K.Gangadharan is bringing out three books this year. Another friend Varalotti Rengasami regularly announces the release of a book in Tamil and/or English, besides regularly blogging, writing for online magazines and taking care of
a full-time profession. These are just examples of a few people whom I know personally. I feel very proud. There are thousands of others who have been regularly doing creative and constructive things, despite all their personal problems.
I pinch myself and realize that I have been wasting precious years of my life doing just mundane things. Life is getting shorter every second. Not that I do not realize. But what is it that is stopping me from being like so many others? Laziness? Depression? Blankness? God knows!
What bugs me most is that despite spending so many active hours on domestic life and trying to help my acquaintances for solving various problems of theirs, I get just a naught at the end of the day. In fact, I get brickbats sometimes. Nobody appreciates me. The actual beneficiaries either complain against my nagging follow-up or start ignoring me or worst of all misuse my serious efforts and cheat me and my friends; my family members and friends laugh at my uncalled for concern for others and rebuke me for repeatedly falling prey to my intuitions, which only bring negative results.
Despite all that, I am unable to stop myself from extending my hand to others and turn selfish. It’s not that I want people to appreciate me or show their gratitude to me forever. But I definitely feel let down and totally cheated when my efforts are not understood in the right perspective and the beneficiaries really do not derive the expected benefits. This puts me off and my mind is ever busy, thinking about such instances. The injury is very deep, especially when people close to my heart give shocking responses and change totally. Recently, a person, whom I treated like my own son, gave me such a shock. I went against the warnings of so many people and helped him whole-heartedly to come up in life. I got so used to his company and would miss him on the days he did not come home. Many of my friends and relatives gave him business, trusting me. I knew of a girl whom I trusted equally and who had helped me a lot as a nurse. I got the two of them married as I felt that girl too required my help and they even became parents of a very cute girl child. I never imagined that this story would have such a shocking turn, when the guy cheated me and my close friend and eloped out of the city without even informing me.
Every day, I wake up with the thought, ‘from today, I will only take care of my family and myself; I will start concentrating on my personal well-being and progress’. But when the sun sets, I realize I have wasted one more day not adhering to my pledge – either lazing away in flashbacks or worries or spending my time complaining about my credit card or insurance policy or taps or power supply or bank or bad quality grocery or the cheats, who take advantage of me and cheat me in the name of business or listening to the woes of my maid or her relative or some such soul!
I think this is how my life is going to be! I will do jolly nothing worth remembering and die a disappointed soul one day!
Sudha Narasimhachar