Is there any way to reduce SIL's visits?

There is nothing that we are not aware of or we don't understand. We only try to hide the facts when it questions us.

 

Are you suggesting that parents should teach their girl child to just go and make the husband's home a mess. Be bothered only about yourself and us...That's y asked are we following western culture so blindly...???????????

 

Maybe this is a language issue but why on earth would the DIL serve the in-laws. A waiter or maid is serving, not a family member that is on equal level.

What I mean with supporting is that in case of emergency helping out her spouse with hospital visits, agreeing on a reasonable financial support for the parents (if needed), help out with any chores related to her spouses parents etc.

A family consist of mother, father and underaged children. If you are living with your parents/in-laws you have two different family units under one roof.

I was once giving a presentation about families (related to divorced parents) and had to define what is a family. It was actually quite interesting and there are a lot of different definitions. But I came to the conclusion that the core family is the adult couple (or single parent) and underage children that are dependent on you. Then you have additional "layers" like your parents, siblings that form the extended family.

In-laws are not always bad but the situation having several family units under one roof creates very easily conflicts. As part of growing up is also the need to live independently, cook your own food, decorate the house how you want it, take care of your financials. If you live with other families you have to mutually agree about the food making, house decorations, eating times, financial decisions etc.

It is also about the fact that PILs live in a different life stage than the young couple. In my opinion PILs/parents with adult children deserve a life in peace without spoiled adult children/noisy grandchildren constantly in the house. Parents in that age may enjoy travelling, spiriutality, hobbies and friends instead of babysitting their grandchildren or cooking for their DILs. gigglingsmiley

 

Did I write that? I am asking why teach your daughter to take care of husband's parents if it means that it becomes inappropriate for son in law to take care of the girl's parents.

Besides...do you think people who do not have sons are not deserving of care?

Like you ...I live in India and have always lived in India...so I don't talk about Western culture because I feel I don't have enough knowledge about it to either want to follow it....or to look down on it. I live in India....and can write about what I feel is right and wrong about our culture.....

 

Y are getting so upset. It was my opinion just as you said yours. I have wrote enough on the subject . So now I think there is no need for further clarifications or explanation on the same.

 

Not upset at all...just wondering about the thinking process. The last two lines of your post caught my eye.That's all.

I happen to be the mother of two wonderful daughters. A change in thinking,a better deal for wives and dils mean a better future for them.Hence I am interested in the topic.
Chill....no problems.It is a forum for discussions.friendssmiley

 

It is not the husbands home, it is the wifes and husbands home.

 

I am referring to your innate need to label everything good and pristine as Indian culture and to keep labelling the opposite as western culture.

there is no need for that. I don't know how much of *western culture* you know. And by that I don't mean through television, movies and books!

And also it is in human nature to take care of parents and have love and affection for them - please don't being culture into this!

 

:thankyou2:

 

FYI I am not trying to label anything nor there is any need for that. I said my views, you don't have to question me like this. Did I question you anytime. You r the only trying to get me negative in all my posts which you don't have to.