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Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is true

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pingme, Mar 28, 2010.

  1. pingme

    pingme New IL'ite

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    Ilites, You may find this question strange but first let me explain.

    I have heard and also seen so many couples argue, have fights and some times do not talk for days together over some issues. I can't say what is petty issue or what is a real time big problem. I simply cannot judge other people's issues. May be you have to be in their shoes to feel the problem or must have undergone/experienced that situation to better understand it.

    My husband and I hardly have any differences. Even if we do on some things the argument.... NO, I cannot call that argument, the discussion over the difference hardly lasts for 10 mins. Either of us sees the other ones point of view and agrees he/she is wrong or we both just keep our opinions to ourselves and move on. We hardly have or had any heated arguments and ultimately one of them getting too mad at the other and the other one apologizing. I don't remember when I had to apologize because I yelled at my husband or my husband apologizing to me for lashing out his tongue at me.
    I mean, we never had like that situation in our decade of marriage.

    They say that the more couples argue or fight the more LOVE there is in the relationship.

    Going by this statement we can say that there is NO LOVE in my relationship with my dh.
    Please enlighten me on this. Why do they say this and how is it true?
     
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  2. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    No sad moments....Nice to hear this statement from someone. You shared any happy moments with your DH?

    Sorry I didn't get your point clearly.
     
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  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is


    I guess you didnt get the meaning of the statement:) correctly...lets not take the statement by its face value...there is some thing more to this statement as per me

    Yes the more couples fight they say that there is more LOVE....but its not about the fight that shows the love..its about how they patch up and resolve their disagreeements/arguements...thats the indication of LOVE

    Every couple fights and argues....but the way they patchup/end/resolve the argument shows the love in the relationship towards each other
     
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  4. pingme

    pingme New IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    Mithy, It is not that we did not have any sad moments but we never really had any heated arguments....that is what I meant to say.


    Oh!!OK, Srividya, I see what you say. It is not how much they fight but how they resolve it, that shows their love towards one another.
     
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  5. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    Got it pingme!!!

    SriVidya's point explains the statement "They say that the more couples argue or fight the more LOVE there is in the relationship. "

    Both presence and absence of arguments/fights shows how strong the love is between the couple. Absence too means there is perfect understanding between you and your DH. Better start fighting....will be quite exciting :wink:
     
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  6. pingme

    pingme New IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    Ha! ha! ha!!................Mithy, tried so many times but doesn't work.
    We cannot seem to argue or have difference of opinions and stick to our argument for more than 10-15mins.

    We give up very easily.........both of us are losers here or you may say lazy to even start a fight!!! A friend of mine even commented like this
    "Then what's the fun"?
    Another said " Hey! your are too submissive and you should assert your rights"?
    I asked her "Really tell me , what rights?.....I don't get it. "

    To this day I don't understand what she meant. Anyway, I stopped probing further.

    Another person said, "Your husband is too meek, I guess, because no man will give up so easily especially when they argue with wife".

    I don't know to this day.
     
  7. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    This is a different thread pingme...you want ideas to pick up fight with your DH... :biglaugh

    Do one thing...love him madly. I read somewhere...Men get easily irritated at women's emotionality. May be your DH will start lecturing you and you get a chance to argue.
    Don't scold me if this idea flops. Also let me stop playing with your life. ;-)

    Experienced ones will help you....
     
  8. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    Jesus christ !!! How old are you girl and how many years have you been married. Here some folks are pouring out their woes that they are fighting cats and dogs with their husband and you are worried that since there are no heated arguments there is no love in your married life. :bonk:bonkI am so, so happy that there is no ugly name calling or abuse in your married life and you and your husband are respectful of each others opinions. This is the way to be. Your children will feel much more happy and secure in such a relationship where there is mutual respect between both the partners :) So please stop trying to find issues out of thin air.

    Kavya.
     
  9. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    Dear Pingme,

    This is very interesting thread...

    I will cite an example of my ILs here... My MIL never argue or fight with my FIL for anything. She wakes up at 4.30 am just to make hot coffee to my FIL before he wakes up from his bed. She has sinus problems, and it is becoming more difficult for her to wake up so early in the morning during winter season, and it makes her suffer throughout the day.

    She runs like a small kid around her home to check if everything is all right before my FIL comes. She was asked to cook so many times, fresh meals although she is in her mid 50s.

    There is no rest, no leave for her 24 hr works at her home.

    She washes his cloths at least 2 times a day, cleans his stuff all the time.

    If they are to travel, it is a written rule that my MIL to pack and carry all the bags, where FIL will walk infront of her.

    She really loves mega serials, but she was not allowed to watch any serial at her OWN home.

    She has no say in financial matters or any decision making. According to me, she is living there like a servant lady. That's it.

    But for my surprise, my MIL never complains, never argue or fight with her husband. Hence FIL too never fights with her. I haven't seen any argument or misunderstanding between them during my 1+ years of married life.

    But it is very clear to me that there is NO love in their relationship.

    In our case, we fight like a rat and cat. But our fights never lasted for more than a day.

    There has been so many misunderstanding, arguments, fights and issues in our life, but we managed to overcome them so easily because we loved each other.

    Little arguments, misunderstandings and fights are very common if you are REALLY close with your partner and you have lots of expectation in him/her. I really love the way how my DH patches up after each and every fight.. It is kind of reassuring his love.

    But name calling, and abusive language or physical fights are something else... That is very bad.
     
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  10. Peperoncino

    Peperoncino New IL'ite

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    Re: Is there any love in my relationship with my husband ??.....if this statement is

    And "they" would also have said a hundred (or even fifty) years ago that if a man does not discipline his wife, then he does not love her enough.

    I agree with Kavya. I mean trawl through the forum, and you'll find plenty of examples of women having heated fights and arguments with their husbands, and still being doormats at the end of the day by going along with what their husbands wanted them to do in the first place (and being unhappy in the process). Well, they might as well have saved their breath!

    Just because you have arguments does not mean you love each other; and just because you don't have arguments does not mean you don't love each other. Because you can be assertive without being aggressive.

    Maybe it is just not in your or your husband's nature to fly off the handle easily; and maybe it's because both of you agree on the important things, and don't really sweat the small things (actually, who has the energy or the time or the inclination to sweat over small things at the end of a long day?) Besides, there are ways of resolving differences besides arguments or fights.

    Unless you're unhappy for some other underlying reason, thank your lucky stars and just savour your life.[FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT]
     

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