Is old age homes good for senior citizens

its always easy to advise others to think about old age homes for their parents when they vent their troubles and inconvenience, but when it is within the family its a loaded question.

 

Are we ourselves willing to stay at old age homes when the time comes? Most of us are not...but we have to be reasonable to our kids and children in laws so that they do not detest us. We need our own home, so that we are not told to get out. We need to have some income so that we are not a burden. We have to accept the fact that none of our kids may look after us in our old age.

 

For those who have missed this thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...198633-are-the-elderly-necessarily-wiser.html by kamalji.

(It is slightly related to this topic. Sorry op if you think otherwise and if you want me to remove this link. I will do so)

The reason i am posting the link is , it made me sit and think.

I have one child...... Because of changing times, most probably I will be living alone or in an old age home.
I swear I am not that bad and I am not anticipating that she will kick me out

My dh has strictly told me that we should not expect her to look after us. She should be free to live in any country in the world. But after a week of asking him all the doubts that kept popping in my mind through out the week, I am beginning to see his side of the argument.

However making up our mind about something when we are younger and implementing the decision when we are older is a whole different thing.

Hopefully in this thread, we will get to hear both sides of the argument and also we share tips to face life @ an old age home if that becomes inevitable at some point of time in our lives.

World is changing. We better be prepared for it. Just my 2 cents.

Ya of course I would love to live with my kid till my end. But I have to be mentally prepared too as that would be giving her an option to choose what she wants.....

 

Is old age homes good for senior citizens? The answer will vary from person to person. There can not be one single right answer for this. Some seniors might actually prefer to live in an old age home because they can mingle with people their age. If that's the case then it is a good option. It is about willingness. If they are not willing to go to OAH and want to stay with their son and DIL, then the son and DIL also have to be willing to have them, if they are forced to have them, then it's unfair. Let's not assume that these senior citizen took care of their owm parents, many of them didn't.

In theory, we could say that kids should take care of parents, but in reality the dil is mostly held responsible for taking care of not only the aged PILs, but also the sils. Things have to be put straight before we talk about the right and wrong of sending senior citizens to OAH.

A lot should depend upon the relationship between the parents and the children and their spouses. If the parents hope to live with the son and DIL, they have to work on having a good relationship with them. Bossing over them, interfering in everything is never going to endear them to the DIL.

One important thing is clear communication. If a father is spending money on luxury items like car etc. for his son, he should make it clear that he needs the money back. If the parents as in Baghban have to live with the sons for the sole reason that they do not have a house or money to live independently, they should be able to ask the sons for financial help.

living separately, close to the kids could be better option than OAHs, but as a society we have to accept it.

 

There is no steadfast rule for this problem. Every family's circumstances are different. I have seen quite many senior citizens....if they have adequate finances they would prefer to live on their own. Children also do not mind sending them money. They can be independent in their houses and comfortable. Can employ part time help if needed. When health fails then the problem comes. Many old age homes do not admit sick seniors. Then children should take care of them......I feel it is their duty to take care or make arrangements to take care of them...according to their family circumstances. For taking such care even if they have to undergo some hardships...they should be ready to undergo them. Otherwise we would be going on a guilt trip forever. We should not be selfish. No five star facilities can replace the love of a child. Along with giving good education to children and encouragement to do what they want to do, giving them good values system is also equally important.

Syamala