is my MIL playing a game with me?

killerontheplat · May 15, 2013

Hi, Just wanted an opinion an incidence

I had a love-cum-arranged marriage 3 years ago, and moved abroad immediately after marriage. During the wedding there were several issues between both families, but somehow DH and I tried to pacify everyone and after marriage decided to start afresh.

Few months back I went to India for the first time. It is common for all relatives to call newly weds for dinner/etc after marriage. But since we couldn't visit anyone during the short gap between our wedding and departure, we visited all my FIL's side relatives this time.

Now on the day of the visit my MIL told me to wear a jeans to go to everyone's house (yeah it sounds ironical, but wait). She somehow convinced my H too that I should wear jeans and go to visit everyone so everyone knows how modern her DIL is and how open-minded she is. I hardly knew DHs family then and thought they must be very modern, but quite the contrary they turned out to be very very conservative.

Afterwards my cousin SIL was like, "bhabhi today after seeing you in those clothes, all DILs in our family will fight with their MILs"
My MIL's Co-SIS (who is always very nice to me) said you should have worn something more traditional IMO, everyone would have liked it. 1-2 more people also commented likewise.

When I relayed all this to my DH and MIL my MIL squealed "YESSS!!"
call me naive but I really cant understand her reaction :idontgetit:???
Is she playing a game with me? My friends think this was her game plan to show that her DIL is so ultra modern freak and poor MIL has given me so many liberties. DH commented : ya see everyone will say "kitna sar chaddha rakha hai" (how much she is pampering u). When my expression showed that I obviously dint like that :rant, he went on no no I am just kidding. Mummy just wanted u to be comfy.
Again :idontgetit:

Also, how can I improve my reputation in ILs house then. As now I have returned here and no means of contact with anyone

Anitap · May 15, 2013

If you wear traditional dress now, they will say that you became 'deeeezzzzeeeennntttt' because of her. :rotfl.
Wear what is comfortable for you.

revathib · May 15, 2013

For the time being you are living abroad so dont think too much about this... Once you visit India then wear what u wish to wear and where... so for now ...chill...

revathi

MaritalBliss · May 15, 2013

Is it just me who finds your mil really funny maybe she was playing a game but who cares...just play along..

guesshoo · May 15, 2013

Wow! How cleverly your MIL has done some perception management!

Don't worry OP. It really doesn't matter what the rest think. Regardless of your attire, be your own sweet self. When PIL/ traditional friends have visited us and I have worn cocktail dresses, I found that they were so shocked that they quickly checked me out with their eyes the first time. I pretended nothing was amiss and continued being polite and bringing them tea and all that. Then chatted and laughed with them in our language the same way I'd talk usually. I could really see them thaw and melt and disregard what I was wearing! In fact, my MIL even told me a couple of days after that the dress I wore was really nice and suited me - that coming from her was a sweet shock!

Just wear what you like and do what you like. If MIL "gives you the liberty" to be modern as per her wish, sweetly say "Thanks, but I'm more comfortable doing it this way."

ShilpaMa · May 15, 2013

OP,
reputation doesn't matter at extended in-laws side...
Not v sure why ur MIL did that cos it was meeting after a long time... maybe she'd been boasting about a US return DIL or how women dress in US...
Alternatively she was also fixing a WWF arena for her co-sis and her DIL... just as your SIL mentioned that other DILs will be fighting with their MILs, this was just a EQUATION time for ur MIL.

Typical bitching at MIL levels....
- Your DIL is in US... they never take/ wear sarees, atleast my DIL is in India with me and wearing Indian outfits.
- How will a US return DIL know ... to RESPECT elders in serving and dressing...

etc etc

Maybe she just used you as a pawn to play bigger ego gratification games with her own SILs and CO-SIL... by creating a rebel in other DILs of your generation.

sunshine1970 · May 16, 2013

Hey I would just wear what I wanted to wear and that way you don't have to second guess. Leave it for now as you are thousands of miles away from these people.

prettydevil · May 16, 2013

wear an ultra modern jeans and top. post it on FB (first connect with all the relatives on FB)...
and then comment on photo ..."Mummyji..(aap ke liye) I wore this for you. You like me wearing jeans over salwar kurta, so I am posting this pic for you" :-D

Visasri · May 16, 2013

Next time go with a kurti and pants, the other time with salwar or saree and make others feel you are comfy with all the attires. If they keep asking about the jeans episode just be sweet and say, oh my MIL keeps saying that I look good in Jeans and pesters me to wear it everywhere but this place is too hot to wear it always.

smritisinha · May 16, 2013

This has happened to me too!!

On the day after our marriage, I asked her whether I should wear a heavy saree or a normal one. Since, all relatives were at home, I wanted to be sure of what I am wearing!

Madam tells me "nooooooo! :shock: Dont wear saree. I want you to be comfortable in your house."

I asked her two times in front of two different relatives "You sure I shouldn't wear a saree. Because I would love to wear one" She just had to confirm because DH was around!

And I wore a leggings with a sleeveless kurti! :biglaugh:

Her side old women were popping their eyes out, when DH mentioned "mummy you suggested right! Its too hot. She would have suffocated in a saree!!" :rotfl