Is My Husband A Good Man Or Am I Overreacting??

Dear @anika987

You and your H have both + and - in your personalities, just like all of us. You guys are married for a longer period, and definitely matured with age to see things as the way it is.
In this long journey, you have definitely come across a point where you re-evaluated your marriage as to which areas are adjustable, and which areas are non-adjustable as per both of you.
Except for the non-adjustable, I think it is fair to expect spouses to let-go /adjust with each others flaws, to accept your spouse as who he/she is.
That's the beauty of a long marriage journey.

Every marriage is unique. What works for others may not work for you. But it doesn't mean your marriage has nothing positive. Perhaps, others are wondering about something you have in your marriage.

Knowing you for a long time via IL forums, I see a trend of feeling low; thus comparing yourself to others, and trying to prove yourself to others all the time, in your case.
You lack social skills. Work on it. Get some counselling, on-line courses etc if that is enough to build up your social skills.
But your present coping mechanism to the lacking social skill isn't working.
It seems you bend over backward and stretch yourself beyond your limits to keep a relationship alive.
But it can easily bore you. it is like a one way traffic. You will soon expect a lot of attention and appreciation for your efforts. When it is not given, you can feel hopeless as if you are taken for granted.
This will amount to frustration and helplessness.

Lack of social skill - frustration - ???
No doubt, your H finds happiness outside of his home despite of being responsible and caring for his family otherwise.
No one likes to spend time with a nagging or frustrated wife.
Your whining and nagging can distance your H further.

In your OP, it is clear that your H doesn't like to spend time with you. It is not that he stays outside because of friends/work, but it appears he chooses them as a coping mechanism to escape from the build up frustrations at home.
Now that he is used to it after 13 years. It is not easy to change.

Take baby steps from now, so that one day you can have it all.

First of all, trust yourself. You are beautiful, intelligent and a lucky woman. No one is suppose to say this to you. You must know this, and accept this.
Don't wait for someone else to validate this.
Don't waste your time and energy by proving this to others, so that they will appreciate you. You don't need it.
In fact, your constant effort to prove yourself to others will only frustrate you down the line.
One day, all others will see is your frustration. Not that charm beauty in you.
No one likes to be with a frustrated person.
So, don't dig your own grave.

If you like to maintain your body, go to gym. It gives you loads of satisfaction.
Don't do that just because others are doing it. Don't do that, hoping some appreciation from others.
If you do so, you will feel empty if no appreciation is given.
Feeling empty is a bigger problem than being plump.
That's why some chubby friends of yours are noticed and appreciated while you go unnoticed many times despite of your well maintained body.

Same goes with having fair skin or wearing branded cloths. You seem to be wondering in your previous posts as to why on earth people overlook you or fail to notice your existence when you take loads of efforts to look good on branded stuff... while others who don't look good, or on neat cloths are the eye catchers. Here is the reason. They are confident and happy; thus they shine despite of their cloths and wallets.
You are not confident, but feeling shaky, thus you fail to shine.

Stop over analyzing this. You must need to build your confidence level. Get courses to build self confidence.

Coming to your case, lack of intimacy is a biggest problem, in addition to your husband's complete negligence to your emotional and physical need.
As you rightly figured out, you are seeing a difference in him with an attitudinal change in you.

You don't have to be silent to win him back. Just pick your words.
If you are talkative, then speak good words of appreciation for all the hard works he does for the family.
The long list of pros, as mentioned here could form words from your mouth to speak to your husband instead of nagging and whining.

But more importantly, change your attitude please.

Do things for yourself... If you want to watch a movie together to feel good about it, then book the tickets, arrange nannies for the kids, and inform H beforehand for a date.
It will give you loads of happiness.
However, if you plan the same by taking so much efforts to be in the good books of your H, then don't expect anything productive of it.
Appreciate if he comes with you for the date. Say thanks.
But don't expect him to feel good about it. Perhaps he is take that time off for you. Not for him.

Lastly, don't do the filmy things. It may not work, specially in the busy people's lives as the way it is shown in the movies.
Sexy lingerie at night, and candle bath together after 13 years of marriage is good only in the movies. Practical life is very different from it.
Accept the reality and stay grounded.

 

OP....the idea is to 'not nag' .
You don't have to stop talking altogether.
How about picking one topic that you want to talk(that does not involve nagging him ) and one topic that interests him to have casual chit chat. Keep a time limit .Let him yearn for these chit chat sessions
Rest maintain what you are doing. Be the slightly aloof mystery woman.....
Yeah....give yourself a dollar for every time you stop yourself from nagging him....enjoy the money for some special treatment for yourself.