Is it Right What I did?

GirijaRamesh · Feb 17, 2010

Dear all,

let me tell you, that one of my husbands cusin-sister is in the habit of calling him frequntly or when he calls up, gossipp about his other relatives, incuding his brothers and sisters, for many years I was silent, at times I even raised my voice and told my husband that it is not good as it was effecting his rlations with other people because he use to belive what ever she says is right, at times my husband used to get disturbed and was moody, my husband is equally to blame for that as she never cared even to me, so finaly I decided to call her up, to tell her to end this, so I took time when my husband is not at home and called her and told her in a polished way not to disscuss the personal life of other relatives as I have no other go, I cannot tell this to my husband because I know that he will definatly not listen to me and finaly i have to fight with, which i did for long, I always belive that one should not disscuss and spraed personal things of others, I belive in respecting others life, but god has not given me broad husband , I am sleintly waching his reaction, I should wait and see if she tells to my husband and create more problem:drowning your views please

Regards
GirijaRamesh

Drpreethis · Feb 17, 2010

You were right.. But, wait to see what your hubby thinks. If he cribs, maybe you should point out the number of times you have asked him to stop gossiping about others to his cousin and spoiling relationships.

You want him to have good relationships with everyone and USE HIS BRAINS TO JUDGE PEOPLE , than his cousin's !

But, whatever said and done.. stay good.. You were right when you asked the cousin to shut her mouth ! :thumbsup ( Afterall it affects your husband, so you were obviousl concerned )

rosegirl · Feb 18, 2010

You are right, somebody has to bell the cat. She can poison your dh's mind and ruin his happiness and turn him into a negative person who hates everyone.

If she tells your dh, just calms say that since he didnt heed your advice, you had to take it to the next step.

dblakshmi · Feb 18, 2010

hi girija,
what you did is obviously right. who will correct him if he is going wrong?
stay calm and watch.
regards
lakshmi

GirijaRamesh · Feb 18, 2010

Dear Drpreethis, rose girl, and dblakshmi,

Thanks a lot for your reply, as you all said, my husband is turning in to 100% negative, and he is not very social, inturn its effecting our social life, but his so called cousin sister maintaines good relation with all, after spreading things, I know my husband will learn lesson in life but by that time it will be tooo late. Ignorence, social setup in which they are born, education, parents role, respecting others, broad mind, friends circle, play a important role in development of a person, when a person lack all this persons like me husband and his cousin sister are made out in this world, what ever it is I tried for long time to change him but he is very rigid, but i have learnt one lesson in life is to see my kids grow with all the broad mind with respect to others, and to mind their own business.

Regards,
Girija

deraj · Feb 18, 2010

Hi Girija

If everything comes to an end, its good. Good luck to you.

ShilpaMa · Feb 18, 2010

Hi Girija,
this is exactly what my MIL is doing to my DH... however there's just no way to stop it.. cos when this is done by the closest relation its the worst.
I really hate when men get involved into gossipings & taking call on what to do based on gossiper's feedback... however sometimes he does go ahead and do talk to few of his cousins.... whom his own mother detests to remain in touch with. I definitely can never go ahead & talk to them even when attending same function.

Wife can ask cousin to stop this nuisance but really wonder what wrath it'll invite if MIL is being told to refrain from it.

In my life I never saw a scenario where we were refrain to interact with anyone in the same function.
my MIL infact dint attend funeral for her own brother as she was not in good terms with her SIL.. I really wonder HOW:bowdown!!!!

sita2223 · Feb 19, 2010

You are right. Make him see that his sister herself is in good terms with the relatives. Even if he has negative feelings on relatives based on what his sister tells him, he should not show it on their face and spoil his social life.

My MIL has a habit of bad-mouthing all the relatives on the phone. Thankfully my DH justs listens but wont act upon it.