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Is it Possible To Love 2 People at the same time?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Neha1911, Feb 8, 2012.

  1. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Neha,

    I am happy that your trying to solve some of these issues. Always remember what comes around goes around. If your Internet Interest is able to cheat on his wife (emotionally) with you, then he will probably continue that pattern with you as well. A lion can dress like a sheep, but always will be a lion. Moreover, remember there are TWO victims in this love TRIANGLE, your husband and his wife. Don't hurt people. It never ends out well in the end.

    ABCDGUY


     
    5 people like this.
  2. Den

    Den Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Neha,

    Your post is somewhat similar to a situation I went thru. My husband got entangled with a lady on a chat site, met her, slept with her and she fell in love with him. The lady was married, her husband was in an affair which he did not want to close. So they live as husband and wife in their own seperate worlds. She is a lot on these chat websites to fill that void in her life. My husband was looking at a no strings attached relationship as I had health problems with no emotion but with chat, relationships gallop at a faster pace. For men, relationships are more sexual whereas for women more emotional.

    I would strongly suggest never tell your husband. Leave alone an eye for an eye or tooth for a tooth. Its not worth hurting him and then hurting yourself with the taunts and getting into another situation altogether. Many men do have relationships (physical /ema) at the side but they never disturb their home. The very fact that its discreet is that both of you value your own homes and do not want to disturb your comfort zones.

    Glad you did not get physical, cut it off in time gradually and please do not write emails expressing you breaking of so and so and so on. This lady who my husband got entangled threathened him and that is how he confessed. But he did tell me that if she was silent, this could go on for years. And its so easy - the affair partners meet once in a while with the excitement of seeing each other after long, its similar to dating before marriage, so glossy and no reality whereas the home lacks that excitement. this is what keeps it going. Sometimes, I wish I never had to go thru this pain what my husband put me through - better if I did not know. These situations are tough from all angles those involved and the spouses. Now that my husband and I talk about these things openly, I understand better than having a one sided view.

    Wish you can draw a conclusion soon and manage your situation smoothly. I know how it feels when the mind is not at peace!
     
    8 people like this.
  3. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear den
    I have read your prev post to IL forum, I am glad that you've struck an equation with life and it's realities . I value
    you for the maturity and sensibility with which you did handle your situation, you Dh is a lucky man to have got you as his soulmate.....wishing you many years of togetherness and contentment.....let bygones be bygones.
    Mega
     
    3 people like this.
  4. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Neha

    This is not just online relationship, but a real life relationship... You may have started this relationship through an online chat, may have continued the same way, but that's not the case NOW.
    You guys have met each other, probably have called, SMSed, e mailed, and shared cards (postal) during all these years of relationship... So, just changing your PW to an unknown one wouldnt do any miracles here. And it is not possible to change EVERYTHING ( i mean, your e mail, postal add, mobile no, your work place etc..etc..)

    This is not just a simple matter as most of you think... for me, it is more or less similar to any EMA (except the fact that you havent had any physical act with him, but again having sex is not necessary for an EMA)

    You need to take a break... have a sit, and decide whether you need to restructure your life with your DH or to move on with this guy. Not about the pros and cons of having an affair or not about the social norms. BUT it is simply about what do you want....?????

    If you want to continue a happy life with your husband, then you have nothing much to do, but to completely get rid of this guy. For that, you need to have an open conversation with your online friend. Be frank with him about your priorities, worries, plans and feelings. Make him understand that you can't just continue to be friends anymore, so its better you guys stop here than sorry later.
    Control your emotions and divert your mind from him for sometimes, and then you will feel easy soon.

    If you really can not leave him.... or if you think that he will never let you go that simply, then you better confess this with your husband and take a decision.

    Whatever it is, do it now... do not drag this any longer...Pls

    I remember the film "Life in a Metro" after reading your thread
     
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  5. priya g

    priya g Senior IL'ite

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    what a mess life is! Indus site is what I turn to when I have faced problems. I am a regular visitor at Indus and have posted problems and gotten solutions!
    I love my husband and will complete 11 years of married life and 13 years of togetherness with him. he is everything that any girl would want (I am crying while I write this...), caring, nice and loves me a lot. I have two kids and we both are working. Life is truly wonderful and blessed with all happiness.
    But owing to mystupidity I am in big trouble. There is one very nice guy (single, bachelor) in my team and have been knowing him since last two years. Used to share our professional problems and we are a group of 3 close friends at office. He, me and another guy from my team. Hubby knows the both and we had a jolly group. Their families and mine hanging out together. My two friends never ever made a pass and all that. very decent and all that. Even shared his entire break-up and love story...kind of best of pals!
    But since a couple of months back I began to realise that I am thinking a lot about one of my "nice guy" and discussing more about him. And for the last month began to realise that he too feels something special about me. We discussed with each other and I told him that I had feelings with him of such that existed between me and my husband when we were in those "initial stages". He agreed and said that he respects my feelings and has similar feelings for me but at the same time he says that we can continue to be "special friends" and never cross any damn line!
    I agreed and things have become normal! But this damn heart is such a bad thing! Since we are in the same office and dept we work together. and he is such a nice person to avoid even a mention of anything. But I feel so guilty. I think I am having an emotional EMA. thats reallly bad. To get over this problem..I make it a point to focus all my energies on my DH, love him more and make love to him whenever he wants. But when will I get over this problem?
    I never thought that I would ever be in "love with two men"!
     
  6. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    I'm never getting married:hide:

    Edit1: Here's an episode of 'The Lounge' on the topic 'Defining Emotional Infidelity' - Click Here Enjoy!

    Edit2: Here's another interesting story of a 99 year old man who divorced his wife of 77 years after discovering that she had had an affair 60 years ago! - Here
     
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  7. deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    Priya,

    You are in the same situation of Neha and yes, what you are doing is wrong and its an EMA!!
    Its not easy to maintain the relationship with the other guy for a long time in the same way. Please go thru this and make sure you are getting rid of him.
     
  8. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    Am having a hunch that there will be more women encouraged by this thread coming out in open and confessing they are in love with a 'secondary man'. Am sure this line of blatant admission by women is going to scare some boys and they are going to be 'good boys' frm here onwards :)

    Am sorry Neha and Priya, it's not that am enjoying your soupy situation, but I couldn't help noticing the humor in the situation. 'Love with two men' at the same time, seems like an interesting phenomena and calls for more research, IMHO
     
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  9. Neha1911

    Neha1911 Senior IL'ite

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    Tugga, Den, Tanoshi, Naksh, IndianFunTube and Everyone else, thank you all for your good advice and the support that I needed to make a wrong situation right. I just want to let you all know that I have taken the initial steps to breaking off my relationship with the other guy. I sent him a nice long e-mail explaining my situation and my wish to stop the relationship. Let's see how it goes from here onwards. I just want to thank you all and I am still open to your advices. I'm happy I joined this site.

    Priya, I think you should read all the posts on this thread, I'm sure it would help you a lot and possibly prevent you from making a lot of mistakes which would result in heartache.
     
  10. Neha1911

    Neha1911 Senior IL'ite

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    Many women are affected my similar circumstances. Many of them have messaged me privately because they are in similar situations but are afraid to admit or say anything in the open thread here. I'm glad that at least my mistakes and downfall can serve the purpose of helping others to realize their mistakes and change before things get as bad as my situation.
     

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