Is it easier to make friends with the opposite gender?

Mindian · Oct 4, 2011

"Whatever you say, Mamma… Boys are more fun than Girls."
The other day, the "apple" of my eye, my one and only daughter, sprang this on me suddenly. Now, when the apple is at its ripest and juiciest the “mamma” doesn’t exactly know what to say to that statement. Her antennae get all perked up and while normally she is accused of not giving the audience her full attention, these are the times she springs up, all sharp and alert.

And, when I am at a loss for words I always do one thing…. look at the apple of my other eye to see whether he had heard? Wonder of wonders! He had ..and answered my unasked question with" nothing to fear honey…at least, our daughter is straight. Without asking any embarrassing questions, we have the answer, hahahah."

To me this was clearly NOT a hahaha moment and that was NOT being helpful, so I began my probing. Her group consisted of eight friends she said, 2 girls and 6 boys and the conversation ended with “let’s face it mamma, in engineering we do not have that many girls. In our department at least, the number of boys clearly outnumber the girls. And they are funnier and make you laugh. Don’t worry… all purely platonic” she ended with her characteristic laughter.

"Ohhh…. that could be just me talking in my teens", I could not help thinking. We were also a group of ten, 4 girls and 6 boys. WE went out for exams (our centres were all over Mumbai), movies and chaat places and had a great time. There were no restrictions at home (except for being back before 8) maybe, because we did everything as a group and my parents knew all our friends and their families too. I never had a “Boy friend” but many of my friends were boys and I always made friends with them easily.

Let's face it and be fair. You have gotta give it to the guys. You have to just LOL at his wisecrack and he considers you as his friend. They ARE simple minded. Most of them just say what is in their mind and I appreciate frankness. We had a lot of chatting and laughing sessions in the balcony of my house. Yes and when I did feel like it I would be all ladylike and invite them all to a meal of pav bhaji or veg biryani, the only two things I knew to cook for a very long time. They never felt I did not know enough and just let me be.

I would be the last to stereo type but GENERALLY in MY experience, men are more laidback, fun, simple, helpful and lavish with their compliments which make them very good friends. Though I stand up for the woman always and firmly believe that, if only we women stood by each other in all the different roles that we play, the world would surely be free from half of its problems.

Now history was just repeating itself in my house. Of course friendship just happens, one doesn’t think of the gender while making a friend. But, I do make friends with men more easily and that's an honest confession.
Maybe it is not a very smart thing to write about this in a ladies forum where majority of my friends are women, but I guess my curiosity got the better of my diplomacy.
So, I do hope my dear friends here will not lash out at me since I am a wee bit curious to know, whether it is the same with any of you.
Do you think it is easier to make friends with the opposite sex????

hridhaya · Oct 4, 2011

Hi Mindian,

This is a very nice topic. If you have genuine boys as friends, nothing like it. I have had couple of them and we still stay in touch and feels good. But I would also caution against blindly believing them at all times. A girl still needs to be alert,JMHO.

Mixed group of girls and boys as friends is lot of fun, I am with you.

vidraghu · Oct 4, 2011

Nice writeup & good topic too!

Cheeniya · Oct 4, 2011

My dear Mindi
I am in two minds. To answer this or not. At my age, I am not a boy or a girl. I am not even a man or woman. This is the age when the distinction of sex dissolves rapidly like aspirin in water. As a matter of fact no one even minds our presence when they discuss matters of this nature! I would have stayed away from this discussion but for one statement of yours: ‘I never had a “Boy friend” but many of my friends were boys and I always made friends with them easily’. You seem to have summed up your view in the simplest of a statement. To have a ‘Boy friend’ is bad but if a friend happens to be a boy, it is not objectionable.

This sets me thinking. What is the difference between a boy friend and a friend who is a boy? I guess that in the case of a boy friend, he is a boy first and a friend later. That means that his relationship will primarily focus on his role as a boy than as a friend. But in the case of a friend, who is a boy, he’ll be a friend first and foremost and his being a boy will be subservient to his role as a friend. If I were a girl, I would feel safer with a friend who is a boy than with a boy friend.

It is quite natural for girls to feel that boys are more fun than girls and for boys to feel that girls are more fun than boys. That is how all creations of God feel and any contrary feeling would be considered ‘freak’ But even such freaks have come to be accepted by the society in today’s world. Like I wrote in one of my threads, the time is not far away when the parents of a boy would be happy and relieved that their son is marrying A GIRL!

I am happy to note that you have admitted that ‘men are more laidback, fun, simple, helpful and lavish with their compliments which make them very good friends.’ If this is the feminine parameter for a good friend, men have nothing to fear or sweat out. Laid back most of us are. Simple and helpful quite a few of us are. Lavish with our compliments, mm! Don’t forget to consider the grumpy Walter Matthau in us!
Sri

aminroop · Oct 4, 2011

totally agree with your "apple of the eye number 1" on this one.
two of my bestest friends are guys.
but then we were jus 15 gals in our MBBS batch, as opposed to 50 odd guys. so there wasnt much of a choice there and ofcourse various permutations and combinations would in all probablity result in friendship between opposite sexes.
my MD batch too has 5 guys and 2 gals.

but then, im not complaining cos they are way so much more fun.

ojaantrik · Oct 4, 2011

Dear Mindi:

Do you think it is easier to make friends with the opposite sex????
Click to expand...

[/QUOTE]

I tend to consider this to be the key line of your post. The rest are frills. The daughter incident probably helped (as a catalyst perhaps) to formulate this question so clearly in your mind.

Since I am not a woman, I can't answer the question, in case it is directed towards women alone. If this is the case, then do please ignore the rest of my response.

I must begin by admitting that I find it most difficult to begin a friendship with anyone at all, woman or man. Or, at least, that's the direction in which life has driven me over time. As a young man, I think I was quite talkative, humorous and even naughty. Not naughty towards girls, but towards most people. I enjoyed making fun of them. And people who were around found all this mighty funny. In particular the girls.

Notice though that I said girls and not "a girl". I simply wanted to emphasize that I had little difficulty in being friendly with a group of girls, but not with any girl in particular. Just "friendly" mind you. "Friendship" is another question. I don't think I ever managed to find out what that was. Certainly vis a vis women, but also with respect to men. I think I can sit surrounded by a 100 people I know and still feel alone. Not lonely though. Being alone and being lonely are not exactly the same states of nature. Company helps, but for me, it is neither necessary nor sufficient to get rid of loneliness. In fact, I am not even sure if I am lonely.

So, to sum it all up, it all depends on the type of person you are. It depends on the life you have led. You may end up being a person who has learnt how to smile without smiling. For such persons, friendliness matters. Probably they cannot make friends though. The question of which sex s/he makes better friends with doesn't arise.

Love.

oj-da

SSC · Oct 4, 2011

Well Mindian, I have experienced both sides of the story to say... When I was in grad school, there were a bunch of 60+ guys with hardly 12 girls, and I used to get along much better with guys, for exactly this one reason, that they are 'much simpler' human beings! At 11:59pm, when we used to submit our assignments (that was our deadline for online submissions), there used to be like 2 girls in a lab with about 30 guys!! So I never found it strange, that I got along very much easier with guys than girls.... Because, I'm as haphazard as guys in the way I do things, a reckless driver and love to wear cargos, than skinny jeans!!

Well, I do have a BF now, my parents arent proud, but they are happy that I had the guts to tell them... I'm going to be 25 soon, and at this age, the concept of BF is atleast much serious than a teenage affair. And now, for the last one year, I've kicked out a lot of guys from my life (for different reasons), since its more easier to be friends with a girl, after you are committed. Because -

1. I dont have to think what my BF would think if I were out alone with my friend
2. I can go on 'n' nof dinners, lunches, brunches with my girl friends without having to worry if the other person is interested in me
3. Can take her out for shopping
4. Do not have to think twice, when I keep talking about this friend to my BF all the time

So many advantages, you see!! And thats the reason, I shifted my focus... And most of my girl friends are committed or married, so they understand it pretty well, if I have to talk to my BF and cant spend time with them...

PS : Needless to say, I need to talk about the best hair salons in the city, or about louis vuittons and louboutins!! Its a fairly small downside for me...

satchitananda · Oct 4, 2011

Dear Mindi,

Can imagine your chagrin at the young "apple of the eye's" declaration. But there is a point to what she said as well as to what the apple of your other eye said. :rotfl

Mindi, I have had as many good male friends as women friends and probably as many males whom I could not stand as women. Maybe friendships is more about mental and emotional equations rather than a gender thing :coffee :idea.