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Is It Common For Ladies Who Valued Marriage To End Up In Live-in Relationships

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SuiDhaaga, Jul 15, 2022.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    It seems in USA, Indians are considered most beautiful. Their manners are kind, their skin is gleaming, they wear pretty colors.

    As soon as they go to India for matrimonial, they are made to felt they are most ugly and everyone is doing them a favor by going around the mandap 7 times.

    When things go south, they are stigmatized and told they must go for therapy. But what happens to the evil loser who trampled upon them? As soon as they say sorry, everyone believes them and tells the victim to reconcile.

    I used to feel that person should get married, then get intimate. But I hear so many horror stories about women being trapped in marriage and being treated worse than animal (dogs can stay in bed with their owners)

    I am thinking if lady has job and savings and less likely to have babies, why not be in relationship with an American man she is attracted to. True, he can leave her at the drop of a hat (which is better than being stuck in a bad marriage or having long drawn out divorce).

    On the other hand he may stay with her till the end of time.


    My brain says
    - why can't lady with jobs, savings, and low chance of having babies have live-in relationship with a man she is attracted to and who respects her

    My heart says
    - if this man respects her so much, why doesn't he give her marriage


    Again, this is stream of thought.
     
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  2. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you for the likes, any advice? Any thoughts?

    One of our ILs came out of abusive marriage and is now in live-in relationship. She says that to her, it seems that with live-in person wants to be with you, but with marriage, there is an ulterior motive.

    But even legally, person in live-in relationship can take the ex to court for $$$ if they break up.
     
  3. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I don’t think I am caring so much of what others think, but somehow my body and heart disagree with my brain.

    Oprah Winfrey had live-in relationship and she didn’t want marriage because she wanted her relationship to be spiritual.

    But how would being married NOT make the relationship spiritual?
     
  4. curlytweethere

    curlytweethere Platinum IL'ite

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    If the other person respects you values you loves you and is in for the long haul it doesn't matter living in or marriage. Personally I don't mind either but given how my parents think they might not be ok with live in. Marriage just makes all the legal things easier.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    You need to have a loving partner to get intimate with. Love, affection, emotional connection and attraction are important for a woman to feel the intimacy with a partner.
    Marriage does give you some protection, and it also gives the sense of connection too. But not everyone in a marriage feels that connection.

    If you are in love with someone, and feels committed, tying a knot doesn't make any difference for intimacy.

    I was in a live in relationship with my H before marriage, and I know of several woman who chose this way and are happily married later. Because in our culture, people chose to marry most of the time to create a family & nurture kids. If so, marrying the person you love and feel connected is the best way. That's why most live-in relationships ends in marriage.

    But just like any other love affairs, or marriages, live in relationships too fail. People cheat or eventually lose the love & attraction so leave.
    There is no guarantee in any relationship... marriage or live in relationships aren't exceptions
     
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  6. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    My family accepts live-in, esp after what Ive been through
     
  7. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Sometimes marriage can be a trap if you cannot leave a person who refuses to be intimate with you, or is abusive to you during intimacy.

    I guess it comes down to how easy a lady can leave an abusive relationship.

    With marriage there is legal red tape.


    For me, if I am in a loving live-in relationship I will always wonder, will things be so nice if we were to get married.

    A former coworker hd live-in relationship. As soon as he. married her, the wife started fighting. Few months later they got divorced.
     
  8. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    I think if 2 people are dating and it is going well then moving in together is a natural next step. Of course it shouldn’t be too soon. But it should evolve more organically. And if living together goes well then marriage could be on the cards if that’s what they both they both want. Of course they should discuss their expectations in life early on so there are no surprises later on. Example one person wanting a casual relationship vs one wanting commitment and future matrimony.

    however one thing I keep reading time and again here is that we women keep ignoring our gut feeling about a certain person or situation. A relating stranger/ new guy disrespects you or invalidates your feelings- you should walk out the door immediately and not wait to see if he will change. No, he has shown you what he is loud and clear. Stop giving second and third chances to selfish, toxic jerks. Don’t keep reaching out to men who are not emotionally available.
     
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  9. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    People never change. If anything, they will get worse in the relationship.

    And i learned that the Man must pursue you, not the other way around. Man should like the Lady million times more than she likes him. That is my honest opinion.

    Lady should enjoy her solitude and do as she wishes.


    At lunch break I walk outside common areas.

    Young, healthy, intelligent professional men from next building also stay in common area during their lunch break.

    They know I exist but none of them said "hello" to me
     
  10. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    It’s ok to be the first to break the ice. You could just take your lunch tray and ask a guy that you might be interested in having a conversation with if you can join him at his table. And then see where the conversation takes you. Again, don’t focus on potential dating just focus on having a good conversation.
     

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