Is it a Curse to Have only DAUGHTERS.....???

hi ladies,

after reading this thread i too got a fear in me. we are two daughters , iam married and my sis is doing her MCA. terms r not good between my parents and my husband. i could not even attend a call from my parents in front of my husband . i too used to think abt this often. Only after my marriage my parents were feeling about not having a son.

But i believe things would change as years roles on.

 

Brinda,
You have explained exactly what I am going through now...
My parents won't come and be with me and my family for a change...
They had to be begged to come over here...my father, he didn't renew his passport, of that idea, that it is not a necessary thing...but now they are here because of my husband's surgery last Dec. That made them come here and help me out...
My hubby is a sweet and innocent person. No problem with him...my mil stays with me...maybe due to unsweet memories of her made them take that decision...

Another incident, my grandma, she won't come and stay in her daughters (3) house but she will suffer in staying with my uncle, quoting, it won't be nice to stay in one's daugher's house...
Atleast, as you had mentioned, let this change from our generation onwards...

sriniketan

 

Hi,

I guess the change is long over due! We are 2 daughters, and each time I want to help my parents, I was feeling sort of guilty, coz when u look around and hear, its all about how Boys have to take care of parents! Nothing is ever said of in laws! So I used to always think, this is how it is supposed to be!!! I ahve a hubby who has no probs. with this. And now I feel I should do what ever it takes to make my parents comfortable in their old age, just as I have done for my in-laws these last 14+ yrs.! No more guilt!

 

dear mithila ma'am,

i cannot express my thanks in words for your kind concern...i know exactly what you say by "thorn can be removed by thorn only"...the tactful way of dealing with this problem was the most difficult part...becoz, creating a ruckus at home and blowing up everything is very easy, whereas bringing about a slow change in DH's way of looking at things with tact was one of the most difficult things i've ever done in my life...but by god's grace, i completed that part successfully and hubby is fully supportive of me now...i never never rub it in a wrong way with him...like you say it is a very sensitive issue....but moving abroad gave us the golden oppurtunity to take stock of things...and he wholeheartedly agrees that my parents are as important to us as his parents...but my inlaws still live in some utopia having unrealistic expectations from DIL and her family....what worked for our ancestral agrarian families would not work for the modern day families...what i dont understand is the double standards in the expectations...they want DIL to be fair, slim, beautiful, god fearing, professional education, good job with 5 fig pay, AND to wake up at 5.00 in the morn, do ALL cooking, put up with all their whims and wishes, never plan an outing or shopping with their son, never buy anything even lil more expensive than what MIL has, to cut off the ties with parents and siblings... and the list goes on and on....in a nut shell they want a beautiful DOOR MAT.....WitsendWitsend Let us change things for our daughters and DILs....because of this MIL problem, a lot of useful creative energy that our ladies have gets wasted in suffering/thinking about this....
but certainly like so many of our friends have pointed out, inspite of all this, having daughters IS a blessing....and im glad things are changing everywhere except for a few utopian families like mine....

 

dear pavi,
thanks for your FB...yes it is heartening to see the change like so many of our friends have written here...but like you mentioned, even i lost touch with most of my friends when all this drama was going on in my life...we should all thank brindha for giving us the chance to discuss this important issue here....