Is having a second child isolatory for the mother(initially?)

hi nazneen,

i understand ur situation, my hubby was telling one is enough for this generation so we can provide all the comforts, he may be right, but for overall development of a child i feel having second one is good choice. myself i came from big family and my hubby almost was brought up alone because his sis was with their grand ma, he is like always not that attached to the family and very reserved and not soo emotional, whereas me iam thankfull to god that i have been blessed with loving parents and sisters. and besides its u r life u have to make decision about finance your carrer and etc. after a long time iam going for second one and iam already seeing some good changes in my son.in india or in america if u want to work u can always arrange for baby sitting and carry on with your job thats not a problem. all the best.
regards shweta.

 

Hi Nazneen,

Iam a single child and always use to long for siblings. But thankfully, we come from Joint family and I never had the feeling of being alone. My cousins were my siblings. Whereas my hubby has 3 brothers. I sometimes envy person's who has 2, 3 brothers & sisters. I always wanted to have more children. For me even 3 or 4 would be happy. But, due to my medical problems I am blessed with only one that too after so many treatments and everything. I sincerely trying for 2nd one, but couldn't conceive. But I will not leave my hopes and will keep trying, sure that God will give me.

Now for your query, why do you need the second child? and how this child would help the elder one. First of all, the elder child should have a companion through out his growing years. From kids point of view, we are adults and we can be their complete companion. They needs atleast their age range. To discuss and share things with others is fun. Moreover, when they grow the distance between the parents & the kid would grow. At that particular time, they would be happy to have someone of their age group to discuss. This is from my own experience. I was a single child, I was pampered so much by my mom. Though, when I was in my Teen age I felt very comfortable chatting & sharing my school / college daily happenings with my cousins other than my mom. I mean there was a gap inbetween. Secondly, the elder child will learn to share, care, love others easily. Which is very important in our lifes.

Therefore, I truly feel having the 2nd child would balance the family.

 

Hello Naazneen,
The first response I want to give to your question is a quote from my dear friend Vidya24's post on how having a younger sibling helps the older child.. I am pasting it here, please read it, re-read it to understand the depth of the point she is trying to make.

>>>"Now, if I had had a sibling, there is no guaratee that we would have been friends. Or that her/his spouse would have been supportive of my family and our affection. But at the end of the day, all said and done, all fought and sought, I would still have had a sibling to call my own. I also think that over the years I grew up, it would have made me a fuller person. I would have learnt to share at the micro, personal level. I would have learnt what it means to share attention of my parents, their resources. Maybe my sibling would have been better than me in all talents. Maybe my sibling would have been weaker than me in everything. Either way, I would have learnt many survival and social skills with a sibling under the same roof. "

These lines still echo in my mind whenever I think of this topic and I am ever grateful to Vidya for that.

Also, Living away from your family members and relatives, children crave for attention from someone other than parents. It was very evident for me while I was in India this time. My son is so attached to my parents, he wanted to be in their company most of the time.

and Regarding why some men say no for the 2nd child, I think it could be because they are afraid of more responsibilities. The first few years of raising a child is not easy and living without relatives around, men have to take active participation in that. And also there need to be adjustments in expenses/savings to accomodate the new member as well.
just my thoughts. please dont accuse me for stereotyping men, I did say "some men". :-D

 

I thought i'll add my 2 cents here
i grew up with a brother and cousins etc. my child is an only he is 13 yrs now growing up in the U.S.
this was by choice as my husband did not want a second child. for many years almost 7 or so i was worried if everything would be o.k for my son as he did not have a sibling. but then i realised he is fine. what my child needs is a happy family and both parents devoted to him and each other. which is what he has now. my husband and i ar every close to each other which would not have happened if i had a second child. so i am thabkful it worked out this way. dont make too much of an issue but go about keeping a happy and healthy family.
regards
anandchitra

 

Hi all,

Let me put in a few words. Me and my brother we were cats and rats. But now both of us are married and we have our own family to take care of. We share things and we care for each other. Not a day passes without me buzzing him or he buzzing me over the net as we are in different cities. That is the power of siblings. Though the love and affection from our parents were divided between both of us, we have never felt that.

We still fight over some silly things but still we are good friends. Both our spouses are good and support our family and my brother respects his bil and so my sil respects me as we both are elders to them.