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Is giving up your identity completely is an expression of love?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by deepshikha, Mar 12, 2010.

  1. deepshikha

    deepshikha Senior IL'ite

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    I was in a discussion with hubby, where he said that he thinks its a form of love that women convert to spouses religion in an inter-caste marriage. I do not agree to this as I believe people in love should be able to accept each other as they are and the question of conversion or changing food habits(veg/non-veg) should not arise. Hubby countered me we examples of Meerabai, Buddha, who left family for love of God(He is a spiritualist). Of course I said that keep the saints out of this discussion, but the fact is that divine love is the best example of love!:confused2:

    What do you think about it? Can you justify acts like conversion of religion by saying that it is a way to express love? Is it not more of an act of trying to please the spouse? Do you think trying to please a spouse is part of love? Or is it adjustment in marriage?
     
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  2. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Mira did not expect to be with her lord physically...she just wanted to be his "dasi" not his " rani"...
    It was a divine form of worship much above physical relationships,etc.Her lord did not ask her to do so she did it on her own.

    Now fast forward to today ...there is expectations on both sides ...there are kids and mortgage and valentine's day. So what was good for them is not for us...We have to elevate to that status to even think of comparison...
    I am sure if there was a "girdhar,manmohan,shyam " who was equally God like...he would find a mira..definitely.
     
  3. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    LoL.... I cant stop smiling at your hubbs argument of love mixing the spouse relation with the divine relationship.. Down Down!!! your hub...

    With my little knowledge, I always think there is no comparison of mother's love with any other single love that you can personally experience in this world!! so, keep the God, Mom, Sister etc aside in your IDENTITY/GIVING UP discussion of a relationship...

    I agree with you, If one accepts the other AS THEY ARE... thats what the best in the relationship.. thats beyond SHOWING the love by converting one to the other's characteristics...

    Personally, I experienced unforgettable love and affection from my father. He never SHOWED his love in the form of Gifts, kisses, hugs, birthday cakes what not.. I was like "What!!! my dad never gets me anything,...!!" in my younger age, but when I remember now, each and every breath of His is always about me (I am one among the huge number of kids to Him). Now, I realized that I cant measure the depth of love when I see that, only when I can feel it. :) . My Mom is with me now, I still had that chance of her affection.. Thank God!!!

    lol, keep your hubbs spirituality away from the drawing room and dining hall, lock it in his Prayer room :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2010
  4. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Deepshika,

    So, the husband can show the same love for wife by giving up his religion or food habits too ? :) It is BS that only a wife should compromise at everything.. If there is mutual respect and love, then there is no question of who should sacrifice what in a Marriage..
     
  5. ayeshaa

    ayeshaa New IL'ite

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    Great response!! I second it! its a two way street. However, comparing Meerabai's & Buddha's life to wife converting is like comparing apples & oranges! Meerabai & Buddha wouldn't have done it for their husband/wife, they only did it for God :)

    Converting to another religion is an act of loosing one's self-identity.
     
  6. chandannasta

    chandannasta Silver IL'ite

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    He gives you so many old names. Ask him one thing Lord Ram had gone to Vanvas for 14 yrs for I think so Sita.

    Can he stay without you for 14 yrs?

    Y should a women only sacrifice all the time. Y not man? Women have the same rights as all man have.

    My sister dominates her hubby well. Y cant u do that. Give love and learn to be strict also.

    All man only know to talk sweet in the night. They should also learn to talk sweet in the entire day to their wife.
     
  7. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    That is bollocks ! You don't need to convert to any religion or any belief to prove your love. The best form of love is accepting your partner just the way they are. My memory maybe a little hazy, but Buddha ( I believe he used to be Prince Siddartha) left his family and his succession to throne to seek answers for all the sorrows in life and why they happen. Atleast that is how I remember reading it LOL
     
  8. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Love is accepting each other completely. Converting to spouse religion doesn't prove any love.
    Also the examples were very funny. To me, people who can't face the real life situations become saints.
     
  9. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice discussion. :)
    Love cannot be proved or evaluated. It is either there or it is not. And there should be acceptance (with warts and all!) and trust in a relationship.

    In any relationship, if giving up something feels like a sacrifice, then, it is probably based on obsession and not love. As in, if I want to give up drinking as it would please my partner, it is fine. However, my partner demanding that I give up drinking, to get his love, would be a huge no-no for me.

    With respect to religion, it is not wrong to embrace each others' religion. But any demand set down by one person to the other certainly only demonstrates lack of love and respect.

    I have a couple of friends whose parents had a inter-religion marriage in the early 70s. The Hindu dad will go all out to celebrate Xmas and the Christian mum will religiously do puja for Hindu festivals from Vinayak Charthurti to Navaratri. The kids were taught both the religions.

    That is love. As someone has said, it is a two way street!
     
  10. Induvadana

    Induvadana New IL'ite

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    Actually , I think it is the other way. If 2 people are truly in love they are confident that religion etc will not cause trouble between them and even if they cause differences, their love will help them overcome those diff. Only those who don't trust their love will do something like converting to make matters simple.
     

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