Is every Indian husband like this?

ppriya,

Anyway I have changed so much that I try to ignore everything, sometimes I lose it. I will try to be more ignoring, probably I can vent it out in forums like this.

Same here.
I feel better and less stressed now since I can share my feelings in the forums.
Not only can I vent out everything, but at the same time get good tips and advice from others.

:cheers

 

hi ppriya
you are an educated girl and understand the situation so nicely as i have found by your post.one thing is very important in life is never sacrifice your self esteem.first of all respect your values and world will started to respect you automatically.so please don't argue more with dh.he just want to avoid the conflict.but onething you must let him understand that you are the only child of your fparents and it's your responsibility to take care of them whatever may be the situation.also make him understand that you are not against his parents.if they talk less to you then it's ok.but you do your duty without any hesitance silently without any complaints.believe me your husband really appreciate you very soon.spend quality time with hubby n daughter.make your home a nice place like heaven.pray to god for wellbeing of the family.good luck

 

ppriya182010,

My DH was type 1 of poll , now supposedly type 2 of poll , though not sure....

priya16 ,
I donot find your reply a mature one, beware you do not become like the MIL's we discuss in this forum.Because I do not see you as a person who understand the silent treatment , no intimacy as part of torture and sign of unacceptance.Even Supreme court defines that as Domestic Voilence.
Please update your views , you are the future ...You have create a better world for relations , not what this there at present.

-inc

 

Everybody thinks that they come from a perfect family setup and that their parents are the best though the family DIL may have other views !!
Please dont think that any DH will turn into a son for his wifes parents , he will not , he will always remain a Son Inlaw as you would be a DIL for his parents.Nobody can push family ties down anybodies throat.
Secondly you had a love marriage which they did not like. Your DH did a lot for you , just make it easy for him now and dont make him regret it.

You can talk to his parents once in a while as your own happiness is at stake and marriage is facing rough weather.
If you love your DH then do it for him, its a small sacrifice.
Pick your battles , remember you have to make your marriage work so a few minutes of chit-chat is nothing.
You are not living with them 24x 7 so chill forget the past and enjoy life.

Keep both set of parents out of the picture as both of you are parents yourself.

 

Inc,

Don't worry as I don't have son and future DIL is safe.:rotfl

 

Good one !! Priya16..., See there are many different types of harassment , and hers look like that case...

Men when they married , as they expect us to adjust and leave our homes to give our 200% to their homes , they are also expected to balance amicably things with a balance in totality .

But india men are taught nothing about handling in a marriage whereas girls are taught from childhood itself..like dont talk like this , what will your Inlaws say whrn you grow up , all that sought..You should learn to cook , it will be useful in your Inlaws place...etc etc...From day 1 of daughter born gold is being collected ...

Marriage is a union of 2 individuals with their common and distinct set of responsibilities where women now are taking other side responsibilities too which are expected in a conevntional system...

-inc

 

Inc,

I may not good as good in writing or in expressing thigns.

I raised in a house where nothing was peached and I allowed to take bus even in midnight but I end up in a men dominated family.
I will do my best diplomatically and not fight for the equal rights.
If I want to fight for equal rights then I should also get prepared to break my family any day.So everyone should prioritise what they want from the marraige and fight for it.
At this movement for OP, I feel she needs more peace in house than her husband to make agree for his parents mistakes.
I don't see with my eys any kind of harassment in OP's post.
Because sometimes I get angry with my MIL and I don't speak with her at that time I don't expect my husband to be nice with my father even though my father hadn't done anything.I have no expections from my husband to my extended family.He can choose whatever he wanted to do but I don't ask for it.

 

"all we talk is about the child, nothing else. We have like a boundary and these days we avoid talking about anything as everything would lead to his parents and then a big argument. We have nothing in common and have no intimacy or anything. We are married for only 3 yrs. It feels like a Yugam. I don't know if we can live like this forever." See what she is saying , she should be aware it is type of DV which we women do not recognise easily..

Also in my post nowhere I tell her to fight back or whatsoever....
I have answered her poll ands answered you , not her....

Every person has a situational requirement , even though it is not conforming to logic/heart of another ...

-inc

 

this is a very normal thing that happens in most of the indian family. the only way to solve is to accept it. by not accepting u in the family they r separating their son from ur parents. they simply dont want their son to be nice to ur parents.this is just an emotional trick on u. if u always fight with ur husband, then he will be always their son emotionally and not ur husband. u have to make him to forget them just by not complaining or talking anything about them to ur husnband. if u have to talk about them praise them like ur husband is a very good brought up. act like u accepted ur husband's family just for him. forcefully call them twice a week and annoy them when ur husband is with u, so that ur husband will be emotionally aware that they r not accepting u and after a point he'll get angry. make ur husband talk to ur family at regular intervals. u call ur parents when he's there with u and give the phone to him. no other go, he has to talk. all guys r just kids. they like pampering and acting and they fall for it. learn the way that his family members treat him and talk to him and do it with some extra spice in it. u r a well educated working women earning money and living in US if they can do u can also. u loved ur husband and got married to him and before marriage ur in-laws r ur strangers and u dont know anything about them when u started loving him, just follow the same rule here. ignore them and start scting and irritating them without ur husband's knowledge, first gain the trust and love u lostfrom ur husband and then start ur game. ur husband spent a lot of money on them just to get u as his wife. so he values u more than money and u filled his heart with lots of love. i think ur inlaws understood the fact and they started acting smartly and u r unaware about it. when u r calling them or just by thinking about u they r getting irritated and their BP is rising it seems. just raise the BP by calling them frequently and annoy them. play this like a chess or poker game. have fun. if they have selected the bride in their own caste also they'll do the same. so dont worry about it. spice up ur life. their life is over and u r getting affected and bugged by them and u'll be the looser and u cannot blame anyone for what's happening. all these things will take some time but u'll be the winner of the game. best wishes.

 

its highly irritating to see such attitude, thats why i think the generation these days just want to remain single or live-in..they dont even want to get into the stupid marriage..but we a being a little older got into this trap and suffering..as one pointed out rightly, its not due to educated crowd or this age & time thing, everywhere this problem stays...men not only want the wives to forget their family but to actually forget their passion, their ambitions or even tiny desires which the girls have..they want us to wait on them for all walks and phases in life once we get married. we cant spend time reading or watching our fav stuff..they want us to just be with them and spend all our time and life for them..not even have a life on our own..they think once we married, we belong to them in all manner..you know what i mean..if we express our desire or spend some time away or alone..it makes it look in a way as if we are not family ppl (or marriage material) but they have all the freedom in the world to do whatever, whenever and however they want...hypocrites..i wish i was not married and spend my life alone..atleast i can eat whatever i like and watch my fav shows..and read a book and basically live my life in my terms..sometimes i feel i cant even do simple things even..just bcos we got married, it doesnt mean that we are not family oriented women..at times whenever my stupid husband want to spend so called quality time..i feel irritated also feels so bad about the whole marriage thing..as i cant spend some time doing my fav stuff like hearing to audible or learn certain thing like pgm etc..we got to fake as if we are happy spending time with them all the time..and it highly frustrating and sometime scares that what if the my life will go on like this only..
dont we have some self esteem or they dont have some compassion not to control other human in the name of marriage..
we also need to do certain things which gives us pleasure and satisfaction in life..if we do stuff related to work and earn money then its fine for them bcos we help pay the bills right?..idiot hypocrites..pls god fire them from life..atleast give some wonderful time in this world to enjoy as we are born here too..i know im replying late to this message of OP but had to vent out dearies..pls advise how you guys spend good time to yourself and ideas to escape to do stuff on your own..we have a lot to learn and do in this world..we are not machines to birth babies and change diapers..though they say we all work now..other than work we too need some satisfaction from other stuff in life right? its not those days where husband comes back from work and goes for tennis game, watch netflix, hear audible, social media, learn teakwondo etc in weekend..we slog again in kitchen in weekends to make good stuff for them...we also got a life..else god i would say finish us just after giving birth to babies in this marriage thing..atleast we will not live life regretting that i didnt get any satisfaction by doing the same old routine and not able to live life doing stuff that gives me real happiness..by the time i get old i cant do these stuff and life gets over in regrets...and they enjoy all the good stuff in here..we see to get the bliss of a game as we have housefull of chores..atleast in my next birth remind me not to get married even if i meet a good person..bcos good or bad does not matter in this angle..all are same..i wish im born in this 2020's..life sucks..